


Hold Me Close & Never Let Me Go

by CA_Babs



Category: Glee
Genre: Fake Relationship, Hidden Relationship, Illness, M/M, Pinn Kinn Big Bang, Underage Drinking, critical injury, discussion of past non-con event, graphic description of motor vehicle accident, non-con element, slow build relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:53:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 76,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CA_Babs/pseuds/CA_Babs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Finn and Kurt each set off in separate directions after high school they both come to realize just how important they are to each other- as family.  With both of their high school romances now firmly in the past,  Finn and Kurt rely on the comfort of being brothers.  When a sudden illness rocks their family to its core, the brothers become even closer.  Kurt worries he is clinging to Finn too desperately; too intimately and doesn’t want to go back down that route of unrequited feelings for Finn. Kurt tries to ignore them; tries to push Finn away. Meanwhile, Finn makes a new friend and encounters someone from his past that makes him realize the love he’s been looking for was always there.  Finn attempts to make sense of this realization and his feelings only to be kept at a distance from the person he’s always needed the most.   An illness,  car crash, and a proposal all conspire to put Kurt and Finn on a rocky road as they move from being brothers and friends to something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Merry Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> **For the Pinn & Kinn Big Bang 2013**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Graphics](http://patchfire.minus.com/mblRtLrQwF0pmf) and [Fanmix](http://patchfire.livejournal.com/767613.html) by [Patchfire](../users/patchfire/pseuds/patchfire)  
>  _My personal recommendation is to listen to the tracks on the fanmix in the order they are numbered, at the end of the corresponding chapter. So listen to track 1 at the end of chapter 1, etc._
> 
> Thank you EverlastingMuse for being my Beta. Any lingering mistakes are my own.
> 
> Thank you to [nubianmy ](../../users/nubianamy/pseuds/nubianamy)and[ benwilson](../../users/Benwilson/pseuds/Benwilson) for being my cheerleaders through this.
> 
> This story has canonical elements but vers mostly into AR
> 
>  
> 
>   
> 

 

_December 2012_

Kurt Hummel sat on the window seat in the apartment, looking out at the skyline of the city, snowflakes gently tumbling down, covering the city in a glittery-white fluffy blanket of a winter wonderland.  He had his phone to his ear, listening to his father’s disappointment, feeling melancholy himself as he sat alone in his and Rachel’s apartment.  Rachel was holed up in a practice room at NYADA preparing for final exams.  She would be leaving Thursday evening after her exam, flying out with her fathers to Florida for the next sixteen days.  Kurt had planned on flying home Friday to spend eight days with his family, and any of his high school friends who were in town.  However,  his acceptance letter to NYADA, starting in January, after his surprising impromptu audition at the Winter Showcase, meant that he had projects he needed to wrap up at work.  Unfortunately, he would be cutting back his hours at his Vogue.com internship drastically in the new year.  

 

“Well, since I bought the travel insurance, I was able change my ticket to use in February for a small fee,” Kurt explained.  “Rachel said we have an extra long weekend of five days around Washington’s birthday. Which also apparently coincides with Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury’s wedding.  So we are flying in together late on the thirteenth and I am flying back the afternoon of the twentieth.”  

 

“Kurt, it’s Christmas.”  Burt sighed.  “I know this is your first year away from home, but you didn’t come home for Thanksgiving, and I know that wasn’t about us. It's just- Carole, Finn, and I; we were counting on you coming home for at least a couple of days during the holidays. We miss you buddy.”

 

“I know Dad...” Kurt tried not to sniffle as he felt tears prick at his eyes, and he swallowed a sob.  “But I have so much work to finish at Vogue.  And I still have to finish registering for my classes, pick up my books and supplies, plus there are advisor meetings and a smaller orientation going on right after the new year at NYADA. It seems kind of irresponsible for me to come home right now.”

 

“I promise; we’ll skype a bunch; I’ll call Christmas day,” Kurt pleaded. “And I promise- I swear; I’ll be home in February- no matter what.”

 

The two Hummel men were both quiet for a few moments. Kurt could feel the tears still pricking at his eyes; he did want to go home- he missed his family; he missed his dad.  And things were better between Blaine and him; they were talking now, trying to be friends.  Kurt missed Blaine as his best friend almost more than he missed Blaine as his boyfriend. However,  Kurt wasn’t sure he knew how to be just Blaine’s friend anymore, and he was afraid he was setting himself up for more hurt and disappointment sometimes.  

 

“Ok, kiddo,” Burt said softly, interrupting Kurt’s thoughts. “It’s not going to be the same without you here though.  And I’m holding you to at least two sessions on Skype and a handful of calls before the new year.”

 

“Ok, Dad.” Kurt chuckled.  “I’m sorry about this but it just couldn’t be helped. I love you.”

 

“Love you too, Kurt.”

 

“Send Carole my love,” Kurt added.

 

“And Finn?” Burt teasingly asked.

 

Kurt huffed into the phone, mumbling a reply.  “Fine, yes I love him and miss him too.”   

 

Burt chuckled.  “Good night buddy.”

 

“Night Dad,” Kurt said before disconnecting the call.  He leaned back against the window frame and continued watching the snow.  Eventually, Kurt stood up and walked over to pick up his laptop and brought it back to the window seat.  He opened it up and connected to his email.  

 

_To: Blaine <<BAWarbler@gmail.com>>_

_From: Kurt <<KEHinNYC@mymail.com>>    _

_Subject: Christmas duet_

 

_Merry Christmas Blaine!_

 

_I know the last time we talked, I said I was coming home for Christmas, and we agreed we’d like to get together and sing a Christmas song or two together like we have in the past.  But between my impromptu NYADA re-audition at Winter Showcase and my subsequent acceptance plus the projects I have to finish at Vogue.com before the new year when I drastically cut back my hours so I can attend school, there is just no way I can justify coming home during the holidays.  I just spoke to my dad about it- he’s disappointed of course, as am I- but he understands.  Unless you and your family are planning on coming to NYC for the holidays (and I am guessing not) then our Christmas Carol duet will have to be over skype or we’ll have to skip it this year.  Maybe next year we’ll be closer geographically._

 

_Happy Holidays,_

_Kurt_

Just as Kurt had finished his email to Blaine, his phone chirped with a message notification.  Kurt grabbed his phone and noticed the message was from Finn.  He grimaced; there was something so child-like about Finn sometimes, and Kurt was sure Finn would be upset to hear that Kurt was not coming home for Christmas.  It was Finn's favorite holiday after all.  They hadn’t seen each other since Rachel and Kurt had briefly returned to Lima for the production of Grease before Thanksgiving. It had been such a quick trip too.  And the time before that had been when Finn and then Blaine both had shown up and surprised Rachel and Kurt in New York.  That had also been brief, not to mention disastrous, but at least Kurt had been around to catch Finn as he sneaked off in the morning.  

 

**what why r u not coming home for xmas? :(**

 

_So many things to do before the semester starts at NYADA.  Have to finish projects at Vogue._

_Register for classes get books and supplies.  Plus orientation the first week after the New Year._

 

**xmas w/o u :( won’t be the same**

 

_I’ll be home in February for Schue’s wedding.  I promise_

 

**u kno if I was Brit I’d ask Santa 2 bring u home for xmas :P**

 

_You still could- but I don’t think it’d help. :P_

 

**dude I wasnt good this year :(  not good enough 4 u ;)**

 

_You do realize Finn, if anyone ever read our texts…_

 

**yeah yeah I kno love u bro**

 

_I’m rolling my eyes at you Finnegan.  And I love you too._

 

000

As Kurt climbed the steps back above ground, he pulled out his phone to see if he had enough time to stop for coffee before work.  He noticed he had a missed call notification, and he scrolled through his call list and saw Finn had tried to call while he was on the subway.  Kurt quickly jogged over to the Starbucks on the corner and ordered his usual before making his way to work.  When Kurt arrived at work, he set down his coffee and shucked his outerwear before sitting down at his desk and listening to his voicemail.  

Kurt listened and waited for Finn’s voice, but it almost appeared as if Finn may have butt dialed Kurt that morning.  The only thing Kurt could hear at first was the intro to a Christmas carol in the background.  But then suddenly Finn’s voice was in Kurt’s ear, and he couldn’t help but smile.  

 

**The snow's coming down**

**I'm watching it fall**

**Watching the people around**

**Kurt please come home**

****

**The church bells in town**

**They’re ringing in song**

**What a happy sound**

**Kurt please come home**

****

**They're singing "Deck The Halls"**

**But it's not like Christmas at all**

**I remember when you were here**

**And all the fun we had last year**

Kurt chuckled as he listened to his brother sing to him over voice mail.  It was true, three years with Mr. Schue and the New Directions had all but ruined the lot of them; emotions were now so tightly bound to songs, to music, that it was all but impossible to communicate without breaking into song at some point.  Part of Kurt loved it though; it was as dramatic as he was.  And Kurt usually enjoyed being serenaded; notwithstanding that last horrific version of Teenage Dream at Callbacks in late September.  Plus, this was Finn, and while it was unexpected, it was also quintessentially Finn.  Kurt’s cheeks hurt from the huge grin he was sporting, but his eyes were damp as he thought of his lonely plans for the holidays.  

Kurt picked up a photo of Finn and him from his desk and smiled through the tears.  Having Finn as a brother was not part of Kurt’s master plan when he had set up his father with Carole Hudson, but their relationship now was more real than anything Kurt could have dreamed up sophomore year.  Briefly sharing a room and then rooms down the hall from each other, sharing holidays, birthdays, and special events together;were all things Kurt knew would never have happened without having set up their parents.  Double dates with Blaine and Rachel, late night lady chats and brotherly advice; plus the extra bonus of family photo albums that now included pictures of the two of them, were all a part of their brief journey into brotherhood.  Kurt bit the inside of his cheek, because now that he and Blaine were no longer together; it would be so very easy for Kurt to fall, harder and deeper, for Finn again.

“Listening to a voice mail from your guy?” Chase asked Kurt with a smile as he walked past Kurt’s desk.

“My ‘guy’?” Kurt questioned, narrowing his eyes at his co-worker.  

“The one that kept sending you roses,” Chase answered and nodded towards the photo.  “Is that him?  He’s a cutie.  Look at how he’s looking at you like you’re just the most adorable thing he’s ever seen.”

Kurt laughed out loud and shook his head.  “No, the flowers were from my ex; Blaine. This," Kurt held out the photo and the phone, “is Finn.”

“Finn’s the current boyfriend?”  Chase inquired.

Kurt’s eyes widened comically.  “No, no, not the current boyfriend,” Kurt sputtered.  “We’re not together- no chance of being together.”

Chase tilted his head to the side and looked at the young man in front of him.  “You sure about that Kurt?”

“Positive.” Kurt affirmed.  “We’re close; really good friends, actually he is probably my best friend now that Blaine and I have split up.  But Finn’s straight; plus it would be like dating my brother.”  Kurt struggled not to giggle at just how true those words were.

“If you say so,” Chase mumbled as he walked away.  

“And what has you so cheery this morning Kurt?” Isabelle inquired as she took in Kurt’s flushed cheeks, wide eyes and smile.  

Kurt sighed.  “It’s just Finn, being...well Finn.”  Kurt rolled his eyes as he put the photo back down on his desk.  

Isabelle threaded her arm through Kurt’s and led them towards her office.  In Kurt's small amount of time as her assistant, he had already embarrassingly told Isabelle all the details of his relationship with the studly quarterback turned gleeky step-brother. “So just what has Finn Hudson done now, to make my assistant so flustered this morning?”

“I told Dad last night that I’m not coming home at Christmas. And Finn in his childlike enthusiasm for the holidays is, sad, I guess.   There were some texts last night where he implied he if he still believed in Santa that he would ask Santa for me.” Kurt shook his head.  

Isabelle’s laughter tinkled like bells.  “The two of you seem to have a very weird dynamic given your history.  But if that was last night, what’s going on this morning?”

Kurt narrowed his eyes at Isabelle.  “He sang to me.  Finn freakin’ serenaded me with a holiday song over voice mail.”  Kurt pressed a couple of buttons on his cellphone, and Finn’s voice filtered out of the tiny speaker and into the office.

Isabelle clasped her hands together and smiled dreamily as Kurt turned off his messages.  “Kurt, that was seriously wonderful.  So adorable.”

Kurt shook his head.  “I know.  I don’t know if this kinda stuff is really new or if I just wasn’t really paying attention anymore because of Blaine, but now, now Isabelle, it would be so easy, too easy to fall all over again. But I can’t.  I won’t- it wasn’t a good place for me Isabelle...” Kurt stumbled.      

“No, you’re right Kurt," Isabelle agreed.  "You are older, smarter, and wiser.  I know you know crushing on a straight boy is going to do nothing but lead you to more heartbreak.”

“Not to mention, a straight boy that is also the son of my dad’s wife,” Kurt said.

“I know you’ve explained why you can’t go home for the holidays, but you know I don’t expect you to wrap everything up before you start at NYADA, I’m just happy you are agreeing to stay on even part time Kurt,” Isabelle explained.  “So why isn’t your family coming to New York, at least for a couple of days?”

Kurt shook his head.  “I’m sure Dad and Carole have enough to do at home and at the shop before Dad has to head back to DC in the new year.  New York is just so big, so busy, so loud compared to what they are used to.  I’m sure they are looking forward to the peace and quiet; the slow pace of Lima after having spent most of the fall in DC.”

“And Finn; although our post graduation plans included Finn, Rachel and I all coming to New York together; Rachel and I can admit now, that it was never his dream, not like ours,” Kurt said.  “He was just following her- too afraid to let her go until he suddenly wasn’t.  And given what happened the last time he was in New York, I don’t imagine Finn Hudson is keen on returning anytime soon.”

“Even for you?” Isabelle joked.

“Especially not for me,” Kurt replied.

000

Finn sat in the aisle seat, next to his mother, Burt on her other side, on a flight from Columbus to New York.  Finn couldn’t help but compare this flight to the other times he had flown to New York.  He certainly felt as nervous now as he had those times, as well.  It probably didn’t make sense considering all they were doing was flying in to surprise Kurt for Christmas; to give him the Christmas he couldn’t come home for.  But a team of butterflies had currently taken up residence in Finn’s gut, and he just couldn’t shake them.  

“Are you sure we shouldn’t let Kurt know we’re coming?” Finn leaned over and asked his mom and Burt.  

Carole Hudson-Hummel put a hand on her son’s arm and chuckled softly.  “It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if we told him, Finn. It’s going to be fine, and think of how happy he is going to be when he opens the door and sees all of us.”

Finn thought of Kurt’s happy smile, and he relaxed a little.  Finn thought of the time Kurt had kicked the winning field goal in their sophomore year; he thought of his smile while they danced together at their parent’s wedding; the one the day Kurt had returned to McKinley, Kurt's genuine happy smile could rival the sun.  Then of course there was the day Blaine transferred; the day of his NYADA audition, and of course, the day they won Nationals. Everyone had smiled that day; Finn had actually thought his cheeks would bruise, they hurt from all the smiling.

Finn nodded his head, yeah, happy Kurt was a good thing.  He imagined Kurt sliding open the loft door and finding his family on the other side, just days before Christmas. But then Finn remembered the last time he had been at the loft, when he had watched Kurt slide open the loft door to find Blaine on the other side.  Sure, Kurt had smiled then, right at that moment, but in the end, things had gone to terribly wrong for all of them.  Finn sobered, remembering the words Kurt had spoken to him just before he left; “I feel like I’m dying.”

“You know,” Finn said suddenly, “the loft doesn’t have the best luck for surprise guests.”

Burt chuckled as he turned from the window and looked at his anxious step-son.  “Listen Finn, I know my kid, he’s going to be thrilled we showed up to surprise him for Christmas.”

Finn watched as Burt and Carole shared a look he couldn’t quite place.  His brows furrowed.  “Mom?”

“It’ll be fine, I promise,” Carole said cryptically as she took his hand and squeezed it gently.  

000

Kurt smiled as he clicked the answer button and Blaine’s face appeared on his screen.

“Merry Christmas Kurt!” Blaine said jollily, a bright smile adorning his face. He was sitting near the large Christmas tree that Kurt had seen in the Anderson family room the year before.  Kurt could see he was wearing a red dress shirt with a white bow tie with some little brightly colored things on it.

Kurt tilted his head slightly, “Merry Christmas Blaine.”  He squinted at the screen, pushing his face a little closer, “what is that, on your bow tie, Blaine?”

Blaine grinned and shifted closer to his camera.  “Can you tell now?”

Kurt sat back and clapped his hands together chuckling.  “Presents!  So very festive of you Mr Anderson.”

Blaine laughed as he leaned back.  “Well, I try Kurt. I thought I’d call you from the family room.  If you pick a song, and I know it; I can accompany us on the piano.”

“Sure put me on the spot,” Kurt grumbled playfully.  

Blaine sighed.  “Fine, what about this one,” he said.  “Don’t get so busy that you miss, giving just a little kiss to the one’s you love…”

Kurt smiled as he recognized the medley and the song, jumping in and singing along with Blaine.  After the chorus, Blaine grew quiet, allowing Kurt to sing alone with just the piano accompaniment.  “How could you wait another minute?  A hug is warmer when you’re in it, oh baby that’s a fact…”

Blaine took over again, Kurt staying silent; the words too poignant.  “And saying, ‘I love you' is always better, seasons, reasons, they don’t matter, so don’t hold back…”

On the final chorus, their voices mixing in a near perfect harmony, Kurt placed the palm of his hand against the screen and Blaine mirrored him.  “Don’t save it all for Christmas day, find a way, to give a little love everyday.  Don’t save it all for Christmas day, find a way, cause holidays have come and gone.”

Blaine continued to play the melody of the song softly after they had finished singing. “Thank you Kurt.  Merry Christmas.”

Kurt smiled at the handsome man and wiped at his slightly damp eyes.  “Thank you; for playing the piano, for picking such a wonderful song, Blaine.”  Kurt opened his mouth to say more, but there was a knock on the loft door.  His brows furrowed in confusion.  

“Was that the door?”  Blaine asked.   He dropped his voice to barely a whisper.   “Are you expecting someone?”

Kurt shook his head.   “Should I answer it?” he whispered.  

Blaine nodded.  “Just be careful Kurt,” he replied quietly.

“Call me in 5 minutes ok.  If I don’t answer, call the police.”  Kurt’s voice was slightly higher than normal but still low in volume.  The knocking continued.  “Merry Christmas Blaine.” he said before he clicked the connection closed and shut his laptop.  On his way past the kitchen, Kurt grabbed the frying pan from where it was drying in the dish rack.  He walked over to the door and hid the frying pan behind his back.  Kurt squared his shoulders and tried desperately to lower his voice like he had done on a couple of Glee assignments in high school. “Can I help you?” he said to the door in a voice closer to baritone than countertenor.

000

Burt exchanged a worried glance with Carole at the deeper sounding voice resonating from behind the door to his sons’ loft apartment.  However, behind him, Finn was snickering.  

“Kurt?”  Burt questioned.  “Is that you kiddo?  Open the door.”

The voice on the other side of the door squeaked, sounding decidedly more Kurt-like than before.  “Dad!”  The door flew open to reveal a flustered and excited Kurt, still holding a frying pan, but he quickly shoved it aside.  

Burt Hummel suddenly found himself with two armfuls of his grown son, hugging him fiercely.

“What are you doing here?” Kurt’s voice was muffled by his father’s coat.  

“You said you couldn’t come home for Christmas.  We figured we might as well bring Christmas to you,” Burt replied; his eyes damp with tears already.  

“We…” Kurt questioned as he pulled away from his father, and Burt could tell in all his excitement Kurt completely missed the fact that Carole and Finn were with him.  

“Merry Christmas sweetheart!” Carole said as Kurt stepped into her outstretched arms.

“You didn’t have to go through all this trouble.” Kurt sniffled as he hugged her closely, and Burt wrapped an arm around Carole’s shoulders too.  

“No trouble at all,” Carole reassured him.  “I wanted all my men together for Christmas.”

Kurt pulled away from Carole and Burt and straightened himself up tall and crossing his arms across his chest.  “Finn Hudson...” he said  as he shook his head.  

Burt looked over his shoulder at his stepson who was smiling brightly.  Finn shrugged his shoulders at Kurt.  “I must have been pretty good I guess,” he said cryptically and before Burt could blink, Kurt was enveloped in one of Finn’s giant body hugs.  

“Is this ok? That we’re here?” Finn asked Kurt quietly while they embraced.  

Kurt’s response was immediate.  “Of course it is.”

“Awesome dude, because Christmas just wouldn’t be the same without you,” Finn replied.    

As Kurt untangled himself from Finn, in the loft his cell phone rang. “Oh shoot, that’s Blaine calling.”  He dashed back into the loft, motioning with his hands for his family to join him.

“Blaine,” he said breathlessly as the call connected.  

Burt couldn’t hear what Anderson was saying on the phone, but it made Kurt smile wide and for that Burt Hummel was grateful.   

“I’m just excited is all,” Kurt replied to Blaine, waving his hands around as if Blaine could see him.  “It was my dad and Carole and Finn at the door.  They came to spend Christmas with me Blaine!”  

Kurt and Blaine spoke for a couple of minutes before Kurt wished Blaine a merry Christmas and hung up.  “Blaine says Merry Christmas to all of you, and he is very happy I’m not alone anymore.”

Burt wrapped an arm around his son and pulled him in tight, watching as Carole did the same with her boy.  “So are we Kurt; so are we.”

000

“I can just sleep on the couch, it’s really not a big deal,” Finn said later that night after Burt and Carole had retired to Rachel’s room.  

“Our couch is tiny and barely comfortable enough to sit on, let alone sleep on.” Kurt argued.  Kurt held up his hand as if he was testifying in court.  “I promise I won’t make a move on you.”

Finn shook his head.  “You know it’s not about that anymore.  I just don’t want to put you out.”

“It’s fine, I swear,” Kurt replied.  “Besides, we can catch up.  You can fill me in on all the McKinley gossip before we fall asleep.”

Finn rolled his eyes.  “Dude, couldn’t you ask, I don’t know, like Tina or Blaine for all the gossip?”

Kurt sighed dramatically.  “I could, but they are part of the gossip I want to know about.”  Kurt opened a drawer in his dresser and pulled out a couple of items.  “I’m just going to go wash up and change. You can have the bathroom when I’m done.”

Finn changed into a pair of flannel pyjama pants and long sleeve tee-shirt while Kurt was in the bathroom.  Then he sat down on the small bed, his back to the door.  To be fair, it was bigger than the bed he had at home, but at home he wasn’t sharing it with someone else.  The bed was soft, really soft though, and Finn discovered Kurt had several thick blankets all piled on top of each other.  

When Kurt came back into the room, he made a noise of disapproval.  “You’re seriously going to overheat in here if you plan on sleeping in that.”

Finn laid back on the bed and looked up at Kurt, who was fiddling with something on his dresser. He felt his eyes bug out of his head a little bit.  Kurt was wearing  just  a very fitted undershirt and a pair of boxers.  “Uhm, maybe you wouldn’t need so many blankets Kurt, if you, you know, wore warmer clothes to bed.”    

Kurt blushed slightly, turning to look at Finn, who was now laying on his side propped up on an elbow under his head.  “All of the blankets are not really about warmth or keeping warm.”

“Then why do you have so many?” Finn asked.

Kurt slid in under his pile of blankets and turned to face Finn, mirroring his position.  “I just, I like the weight of all the blankets,” Kurt replied.

Finn noticed Kurt was kind of looking at him funny.  “I better go wash up before it gets too late,” Finn said as he stood up from the bed and grabbed a bag of toiletries from his suitcase.  He stood in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and staring at his reflection in the mirror.  Finn couldn’t help but think about the last time he was at the loft.  His break up with Rachel; Kurt’s with Blaine.  It should feel weird to be here again, Finn thought to himself, but it doesn’t.  Finn was actually really excited to be here for Christmas with his family.  For so long it had just been his mom and him, just two of them, and sure now they were only a family of four, but it was almost like everything young Finn Hudson had ever wanted during the holidays.  

Finn walked back into the bedroom where Kurt had turned out the lights and had just a small lamp on Finn’s side of the bed turned on.  Kurt was laying on his back; one arm tucked under his head, the other resting across his stomach on top of the blankets.  Finn crawled into bed, under just the top cover since he was wearing such warm pyjamas already, and laid on his side again, facing Kurt; his arm pillowed under his head.  

“So you and Blaine, you’re talking now?” Finn asked quietly once he was settled on the bed.  

“Yes.” Kurt nodded.  “We started talking at Thanksgiving.  I, well, Blaine wasn’t just my boyfriend Finn.  He was my best friend too. And I really miss him as my best friend.”

Finn bit his lip before he replied again.  “I guess that makes sense, but I just thought that maybe, well, you know… I guess I didn’t consider that Blaine could be your best friend and boyfriend at the same time.  I kinda thought your best friend was...”

“Oh, oh!” Kurt interrupted, startled.  “I love Rachel, I do.  And it’s been easier living with her than I thought it would be.  And she has been really great since the break up, but there are just some things she isn’t going to understand, you know.”

“Oh, yeah, ok, that makes sense too,” Finn said sadly.  “I don’t know, I guess maybe I thought, well, never mind it doesn’t matter.  It’s not really that important.”  Finn shook his head, clearing his thoughts.  “I’m glad you and Blaine are talking, Rachel and I...well we’re still not really quite there you know.  And it feels really strange sometimes.”

Kurt murmured his agreement.  “But you still have Puck, your best friend to talk to, even if you’re not talking to Rachel.  That’s what’s been missing for me, since I broke up with Blaine.”

“Sure, Puck and I are close, and we’ve been friends forever, but I don’t know if he’s my best friend anymore really you know?”  Finn pursed his lips and looked at Kurt.  “There are just some things I can’t talk about with Puck.  But there is someone that I trust with everything.  And I don’t have to worry about feeling silly or stupid when I talk about things that don’t make sense.”

Kurt’s eyes widened, and he reached up and touched Finn’s cheek tenderly.  “Oh Finn!  I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to imply that you’re not important or that you’re not my best friend.  I mean if anything, you’re more.”  Kurt took a deep breath before continuing.  “You are my brother.  I might not always feel comfortable coming to you with my ‘relationship’ stuff but I know I can bring all the important stuff and all the silly stuff to you and you’ll never judge me.”

“I wouldn’t ever mean to judge you Kurt,” Finn promised.  “You’re so much smarter than I am.”  He reached up and briefly touched Kurt’s hand on his cheek and smiled.  “I don’t want you to think or to feel that you can’t come to me about anything.  I might not get it, but I’m gonna try.  I’m gonna try real hard Kurt.”

“You’re smart Finn.  You’re so much smarter about people, about relationships than I am,” Kurt explained as he took his hand away from Finn’s face.  “I’ve spent so long building walls, keeping people out, so they couldn’t hurt me.  It’s hard for me to let those down now, to let people in.”  Kurt smiled at Finn.  “You have the biggest heart of anyone I know.  You believe the best in everyone; you believe in second chances.  And you want to make other people happy, sometimes even at your own expense.  Those are things I struggle with daily.”

Finn’s eyes were damp when he looked up at his brother.  “You’re amazing.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you or make you believe differently, Kurt Hummel.”  Finn closed his eyes to keep the tears from escaping, and he felt himself relaxing and falling into sleep.  But as he drifted off, he heard Kurt’s reply.  

“You’re one of a kind Finn Hudson.  There is absolutely no one in this world like you.”

000

The next several days were a flurry of activity as the Hudson-Hummel’s prepared to celebrate Christmas together in the loft.  Kurt went to work for a while every day, often taking Finn along with him while Carole and Burt shopped, decorated, wrapped and baked.  Kurt worried about bringing Finn with him to work, but Finn was surprisingly supportive and was happy to do little odd jobs for Kurt without complaint.  Although many of the other staff at Vogue were not around, Isabelle popped into the office the first morning Kurt brought Finn to work.

“You know Kurt, people are going to think I’ve got you chained to that desk or something.” Isabelle joked as she rounded the corner and saw Kurt sitting at his desk.  “Oh!” she exclaimed startled.  “You appear to have brought an assistant along today.”

“Isabelle,” Kurt greeted as he jumped to his feet.  “This is Finn, my brother.” He gestured to Finn, who took a cue from Kurt and stood up, shaking Isabelle’s hand.  “My family just showed up on my doorstep last night, surprising me for the holidays.”

Isabelle tilted her head as she shook Finn’s hand.  “So you’re the famous Finn Hudson.  I’ve gotta say, even more impressive in person.”

Finn blushed slightly and laughed at Isabelle’s kind words.  “I’m hardly famous; it’s gonna be this guy, and Rachel and Blaine...all huge stars someday.  And I’ll be somebody that they used to know.”  Finn let go of Isabelle’s hand.  “The impressive comes from the height.  You can tell in pictures that I’m tall, but next to real people, especially tiny people like Kurt here, I look, well…”

“Like Frankenteen.” Kurt smirked, lightly smacking at Finn’s chest with the back of his hand.  “I’ll have you know I’m not so “tiny” anymore Finn Hudson.”

“Ok, so you’re taller now than say sophomore year.  But I can still pick you up and toss you around if I wanted.” Finn replied.  “Look, one handed even.”  Finn draped an arm around Kurt’s waist, pulling their bodies flush together before hoisting Kurt’s feet several inches off the ground.

Kurt shrieked as his feet left the ground.  “Put me down you goof,” he exclaimed, beating lightly on his brother.    

Finn twisted and turned his body,  as he tried to keep his grasp on Kurt, but protect his body from  flailing arms.  He took a couple of steps backwards; Kurt still held in place off the ground, his back hitting the door to Isabelle’s office.  

Isabelle had a hand up to her mouth, trying to hide her giggles.  “Oh, boys!” she sang; the pointer finger of her right hand motioning towards the ceiling.

Finn tipped his head back and looked up, noticing for the first time the sprig of mistletoe immediately above his head.  His grasp on Kurt loosened, and the shorter boy slid to the ground.  Finn felt his cheeks redden as he looked over at Isabelle.  He swallowed somewhat nervously.  “Kurt…”  Finn glanced down to Kurt.

As Kurt’s feet hit the floor with a thud, he looked up at the mistletoe, meeting Finn’s eyes.  Kurt closed his eyes for a second, and then he opened them again.  “It’s ok Finn,” he said breathlessly as he put a hand on Finn’s upper arm and reached up on tiptoe to press a chaste kiss to Finn’s cheek.  

Finn smiled as he felt Kurt’s lips against the skin of his cheek.  Feeling a little silly, Finn reached out and slid a hand around the back of Kurt’s neck, holding him in place, as he turned his head.  Kurt’s eyes widened in surprise or amusement; Finn couldn’t tell.  He slid his other hand over Kurt’s mouth and winked at the shorter boy.  The hand Finn had on the back of Kurt’s neck, slid down, to the middle of his back, allowing Finn to tip Kurt back as he brought his lips to Kurt’s mouth, covered by his hand.  

Kurt’s one hand was still gripping Finn’s upper arm, and the other flailed about recklessly as Finn dipped him back into the ‘kiss’.  As Finn pulled away and righted Kurt, Isabelle whistled.  “That was some kiss!”

Kurt smoothed down his clothes, not meeting anyone’s eyes.  “No, some kiss is the one with over 45,000 views on Youtube.”

Finn’s cheeks reddened again, and he looked down at his feet, scuffing the floor with his shoes.  “I thought we agreed not to talk about that again.”  Finn looked up at Isabelle, who was watching the brothers intently.  He smiled sheepishly at her.  

“There may have been an unscripted kiss," he explained.  "On stage.  At a National Show Choir competition.  Between me and my girlfriend.  The rest of the group may hold me personally responsible for our twelfth place finish.”

Kurt shook his head.  “Twelfth out of fifty Finn, on essentially our first try.  With songs we finished writing the night before.”  Kurt sighed dramatically and put a hand out to rub Finn’s shoulder.  “You shouldn’t be the sole focus of the blame.”

“Well Kurt, I should let you get back to this work you seem determined to finish so you can get home to the rest of your family,” Isabelle said as she moved towards her office.   She smiled warmly up at Finn as he stepped away from her door.   “It was a pleasure to meet you Finn Hudson.  Merry Christmas boys.”

“Merry Christmas Isabelle,” Kurt echoed.

000

Christmas morning, Finn woke up early, easily as excited as any young child that day.  “Kurt,” he whispered.  “Kurt, it’s Christmas morning.”

Kurt mumbled as he buried in deeper under the covers.  

“C’mon Kurt.  Time to get up.  Time for presents!”  Finn was all but jumping up and down on the bed.  

“You are honestly like a small child,” Kurt grumbled.   He threw back his mountains of blankets and stretched.  

Finn waited while Kurt put warmer clothes on over the undershirt and boxers he slept in.  It had been a little weird at first for Finn when they first arrived, to see Kurt so under dressed.   At home in Lima, around the house, even during their lady chats, Kurt usually wore pajama pants and a tee shirt of some kind.  But now, during this trip,  Finn knew that getting to see Kurt under dressed like that was an indication of the level of trust they shared.  It actually made Finn feel good; proud.  

They walked into the small kitchen and began preparing a quick breakfast.  Although Finn was always anxious to open presents, Finn was also always hungry, so it took priority over opening gifts.  Kurt was just finishing up most of the work on a breakfast of waffles, fruit and leftover ham from the night before when their parents appeared in the kitchen.  

“Merry Christmas boys!” Carole exclaimed as she hugged Finn first and then Kurt.  Burt moved to squeeze their shoulders before sitting down at the small table.  Finn brought over the coffee pot and offered it to Burt first.  Then he retrieved his own hot chocolate from the microwave and took a sip, setting it down at his place at the table.  

Finn stood behind Kurt at the counter and watched over his shoulder as the smaller man sliced fresh cantaloupe and banana before moving to the sink to rinse a small colander of mixed berries.  “This looks great Kurt!” Finn offered as he placed a hand on Kurt’s shoulder.  

Kurt turned and took in Finn’s eager and appreciative grin.  “Thank you,” he replied sliding the berries from the colander to a small bowl.  Kurt handed the bowl to Finn, “Put this on the table for me, please?  Then come back for the bananas and cantaloupe.”

Finn nodded as he fished out a strawberry and popped it into his mouth.  Kurt smacked at his hand, the smile on his face and the laughter in his eyes betraying his true emotions.  “Save some for the rest of us.”  

When the foursome finished eating and cleaned up from breakfast, they settled in the living room area of the loft to exchange gifts.  Finn made a small pile of presents in front of each of them, while Kurt wrote out all four names, placing them into Finn’s Santa hat.  This year it was Carole’s turn to begin the gift opening.

She picked the gift from her husband first.  “Oh Burt,” she exclaimed softly as she pulled a beautiful caramel colored wool coat from a large box.  Finn’s eyes widened but when he saw the knowing twinkle in Kurt’s eye, he knew Kurt had at least helped Burt with the gift.  “This is so beautiful.” Carole said happily as she tried on the coat and  added from the bottom of the box a beautiful black, gray, white and caramel check scarf and black gloves both in micro fleece.

Burt opened his gift from his wife.  In a beautifully wrapped red foil paper box, Burt discovered a brand new blue and green plaid housecoat, two new pairs of flannel pajamas and a new pair of slippers.  “Thank you Carole,” Burt said, a funny kind of smile on his face.  Finn thought it was sort of a weird gift, but Burt appeared very touched by his mom’s choice, so he let the thought drop and smiled large at the elder couple.  Burt and Carole embraced warmly; then  Burt slipped his feet into his new slippers.  

Kurt was next, and he chose a gift that was addressed to him from Burt only.  It wasn’t really wrapped as a Christmas present at all, but rather, there was a small object inside a royal blue velvet drawstring pouch with a little tag attached.  Kurt deftly pulled open and strings and reached into the bag, pulling out something quite delicate looking.  “Oh, Dad...” Kurt whispered, his free hand coming up to cover his mouth.  

“That was your mom’s favorite.  I gave it to her our first Christmas,” Burt explained, and Kurt nodded.  

“I know, she told me each time she put it on,” Kurt said softly as he ran his fingers over the brooch.  It was silver in color, but Burt explained it was actually a white gold, and was shaped like an old fashioned skeleton key, with gems adorning it.  

“I thought since I gave it to your mother on our first Christmas, maybe it was time to pass it on to you on your first Christmas no longer living at home.” Burt sighed wistfully.  “I know how much you love her stuff, kiddo.”

Kurt flew into his father’s arms, tears softly trailing down his cheeks.  “Thank you Dad,” he said before he pressed a kiss to his father’s cheek.  

Finn could feel a slight heat to his cheeks, but he mostly felt so grateful that he now had this awesome family to share holidays and traditions and pass along such thoughtful gifts like this one.  Finn sat back as Kurt leaned across to show off the brooch to his mom, telling the story of when he was a little boy, and his mom would say the key was ‘the key to daddy’s heart’.

As Kurt sat back, Carole picked up a small box and handed it to Finn.  “Open this one first, Finn,” she demanded.  Finn nodded as he took the present from his mom and looked at the tag; this gift was from just his mother.  Finn unwrapped the small box and found a ring inside.  It was a gold band with platinum x’s etched into it all the way around.  

“I probably should have given it to you when you were going to marry Rachel,” Carole explained.  “But you were still so upset about your Dad, I wasn’t sure if you would want it.  And I know, you’re not even seeing anyone right now, but when the time comes, I would really like it if you wore your dad’s ring that I picked out for him.”

Finn’s eyes were wet and glassy.  “Wow, Mom, thanks.  I don’t know when I’ll get a chance to use this again, but, I’d like that.  A lot.”  Finn leaned over and hugged his mother tightly.  “I love you, Mom.”

Carole smiled at Finn, “I love you too, sweetheart.”

Finn closed the box with the ring and tucked it into his pajama pants pocket.  He smiled at everyone else.  “Who’s turn is it now?  I forget.”

It was Carole’s turn again, and she picked up a small rectangular box from Kurt.  She slid the blue and white snowflake patterned paper from the box and lifted the lid to reveal a beautiful jade bracelet.  “Oh my, Kurt, it’s beautiful!” she exclaimed as she took it out and immediately wrapped it around her wrist, Burt leaning over to help fasten the clasp.  Finn caught Kurt’s eye and smiled.  

“Oh, I forgot,” Kurt exclaimed.  He turned around and pulled up a larger box from behind the couch.  “This is also for you.”

Carole slid her fingernail across the seam of the white and gold angel print wrap and pulled the paper off to reveal a gorgeous black leather tote with NYADA embossed on it.  “Oh sweetie,” she chided, “this is fabulous.”

On Burt’s turn, he chose Finn’s gift, laughing as he unwrapped layer, upon layer, upon layer of gold paper to discover tickets to the Cincinnati Red’s home opener for the 2013 season tucked into the pocket of a new Red’s shirt.  “Oh man, Finn this is great.  You’re coming with me right, son?”  Burt asked; his gaze fixed on Finn as he flapped the tickets excitedly in the air.  

“Uh, sure, if that’s what you want, Dad,” Finn stammered.  He threw a quick look in Kurt’s direction.  Kurt was not nearly as territorial over his father now as he had been before, but still Finn didn’t want Kurt to be upset.  But if anything, Kurt was radiating happiness; his smile the same toothy grin Finn could only count on his hands the number of times he had seen it.

“You called him Dad,” Kurt whispered softly to Finn as he leaned in a little closer while Burt tried on his new Red’s shirt.  

“That’s ok right?” Finn questioned, watching Kurt intensely.

“Of course it is,” Kurt said as he sat up straighter.  He looked at the two gifts sitting in front of him, one from Finn, one from their parents.  As he moved to pick up the one from their parents, Carole spoke up.  

“If you are choosing that one, you boys might want to open yours at the same time.” She shrugged nonchalantly.

Finn whooped his agreement and picked up the identically shaped and wrapped package to Kurt’s.  The boys counted down together before they ripped into the packaging, trying to race each other.  “Holy crap you guys!” Finn exclaimed as his large hands made quicker work of the wrapping than Kurt’s.  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”  He bounced excitedly in his seat, waiting for Kurt to catch up.  

“Oh Dad, Carole, this is too much.  Just too much,” Kurt stammered as he lifted a new IPad in a sleek jade green case out of the wrapping paper.  Finn’s case was red, to lessen any confusion.  

Burt shook his head thoughtfully.  “Nah, both our boys off to college in the new year; we’ve got to send you off right.”  

Finn looked up at his mom and Burt, noticing out of the corner of his eye that Kurt was also looking at them.  

“We just want you to know how proud we are of you, both of you.” Carole said softly.  “You’ve both had your fair share of setbacks this year, but you’re moving on, and continuing your education and we’re just so proud of you; of the men you’re both becoming.”

Finn swallowed heavily, his eyes feeling moist as he leaned forward to hug his mother while Kurt hugged Burt.  

As the settled back into their spaces, Carole picked up her final present, from Finn.  She slid a small jewelry box out of the green Christmas tree print paper and  lifted the lid to find a jade necklace and earrings set that matched perfectly with the bracelet from Kurt.  “Oh Finn, oh boys,” she stuttered as she pulled out the necklace and held it out for Burt to fasten around her neck before she fastened the earrings to her ears.   Carole gave a sly smile to Kurt. “Thank you Kurt, they’re beautiful.”

Finn couldn’t help but snort.  Sure, this would seem like it had Kurt’s stamp all over it, but the idea had actually been Finn’s.  He had spotted the jewelry at a jewelers in the mall, in Cincinnati, when he had gone to get Burt’s baseball tickets and shirt.  So, he might have consulted with Kurt, but the original idea had been his.

“Actually Carole, it was all Finn’s idea,” Kurt replied.  “I’ve taught him quite well, if I do say so myself.”  

Carole beamed as she reached across to throw an arm around each of her sons, pulling them close to her and by default, closer to each other.  “I’m so glad we’re all together today.”

As Carole sat back, Burt reached out to his last gift, the one from Kurt.  

“Feels heavy,” he declared.  He ripped into a corner and pulled away the wrapping paper to find a DVD boxed set of Overhaulin’ and a black NYADA ball cap.  “This is perfect son.” Burt slapped the cap on his head.  “When everyone asks, I can say it’s the fancy college in New York that is stealing all my money in the name of educating one of my sons.”   

Kurt looked over at Finn before picking up his final present, the one from Finn.  It was small and cubed shaped, wrapped in silver holographic foil with stars all over it.  “Left over from Rachel’s presents last year?” Kurt guessed.  

Finn nodded sheepishly as Kurt removed the wrapping paper.  It was suddenly evident that it was jewelry of some kind.  Kurt quirked one perfectly groomed eyebrow at Finn.  Finn smiled widely in return.   Although the box was much too big Kurt couldn’t help but joke.  “If it’s an engagement ring Finn Hudson, I’m afraid my answer will sadly have to be no.”  

That set Finn, Kurt and Carole off into peals of laughter while Burt exhaled loudly and shook his head.  When they settled, Kurt lifted the top off the box to reveal a stunning watch.  

“Finn,” Kurt breathed.  “This is gorgeous.  It must have cost a fortune.”  

Finn shrugged his shoulders as he replied.  “I don’t have a girlfriend to spend money on this year, and I’ve been working a lot, thought the least I could do was spoil my family.”  Finn watched as Kurt ran his fingers over the face of the watch before gently prying it from the box.  “Do you really like it?”

Kurt nodded as he moved to fasten it to his wrist.  

“Wait!” Finn exclaimed.  He reached out and took Kurt’s wrist in his hands.  He flipped the face of the watch over, “it’s engraved.”

Kurt brought his wrist up a little closer to his face, “Kurt, now it’s your time to shine-Finn.”  Finn noticed Kurt’s bottom lip wobble as he fastened the watch securely to his wrist.  When Kurt looked up at Finn, his eyes were red and damp with tears.  

“Oh hey, shit Kurt, don’t cry,” Finn said as he moved to embrace his brother.  “I thought it would be something nice, I’m sorry.  I was just trying to show you I’m real proud of you too.”

“You big lug.” Kurt sniffled.  “I love it.  It’s perfect.  I just...Finn, ...thank you.”

Finn grinned and pressed a small kiss to Kurt’s forehead.  “Love you little brother, I’m so proud of you.  Merry Christmas.”

Kurt pulled away from Finn and gestured to Finn’s one last present as he leaned over to show off his new watch to the rest of the family.  

Finn pulled a large, rectangular box to him and ripped off the red and green plaid paper with a gold ribbon.  Once he lifted off the lid, he stared at the contents of the box for a moment, tilting his head to the side.  

“Don’t you like it?”  Kurt asked, worry evident in his voice.  

Finn turned and blinked owlishly at Kurt.  “I’ve never had something so grown up before,” he explained as he pulled a leather messenger bag from the box.  On the bottom right corner of the flip top was a metal plaque insert with his initials FCH.  He stood up and settled the bag on his right shoulder.  

“A teacher doesn’t usually use a backpack to carry things to and from school or class, I thought this would be better,” Kurt explained.   “You can start using it now at college, if you want.” He stood up and adjusted the shoulder strap a little.

The bag felt heavier than an empty bag would though, so Finn flipped open the top and discovered more presents inside.  

“Sweet!” he exclaimed as he pulled out first a NYADA coffee mug and then a NYADA hoodie.  Finn thrust the bag and coffee mug at Kurt before pulling the hoodie on over his pyjamas. “Perfect fit.” Finn pulled Kurt against him in a body crushing hug.  

“Merry Christmas, Finn,”  Kurt said softly.  Burt wrapped an arm around Carole, and the two of them watched their sons with tears blurring their visions and dopey smiles.  

000

Later that day, Burt sat on the sofa in the living room watching his DVDS while Finn sat on the floor near him, laptops and ipads surrounding him while he set them up.  In the small kitchen, Carole and Kurt were cooking with a practiced symmetry that comes with years of cooking side by side but that they had managed to perfect in a handful of attempts.  Despite all the differences and the reasons why they shouldn’t work together, Burt was often amazed at just how well the four of them slotted together as a family.  Kurt would drift in and out of the kitchen, checking on the set up of his iPad and bringing glasses of water to him.  Finn would flitter in and out of the kitchen as well, often trying to sneak samples from his mother and Kurt.  

When they all sat down to dinner, Burt looked over at Carole, silently communicating with her his intent.  They had talked about it; quite a bit over the last few weeks, how they would tell the boys.  Burt felt that this moment was the one.  Once the plates of food had been reduced to shadows of their once full selves, and everyone was happy and stuffed, Burt reached across and took one of Carole’s hands into his own.  She stood up and moved her chair closer to his.  “There’s something I need to tell you boys,” Burt began.  “I wanted all of us together at Christmas so I could tell you both at the same time.”  

Kurt sat up straighter in his chair, his eyes focusing on the clasped hands of his father and Carole.  A panicked look swept over his face, and Burt wished he could reassure the young man that everything was okay.  But the truth was, he couldn’t.  Burt nodded his head briefly at Kurt, a silent acknowledgement of Kurt’s unspoken fears.  

“The good news is they think they’ve got it early.” Burt swallowed thickly.  “The bad news is that it’s prostate cancer.”  Burt’s grip on Carole’s hand tightened, and he felt grounded as she placed her other hand on top of their joined ones.  Across the table, Finn had covered one of Kurt’s hands with one of his giant ones, as well.  The taller young man looked pale and shocked at the news, but his focus seemed to be, not on his step father, but his step brother.  

Finn bent his head towards Kurt’s, his lips moving, speaking softly, words Burt could not make out.  But the tears welling up in Kurt’s eyes were unmistakable.  Burt couldn’t help, but smile as Finn slipped out of his chair, kneeling beside his brothers’, hugging him tightly.  Carole shifted in her seat slightly, bending her head to rest on Burt’s shoulder.    “We’re all going to be fine.” Carole’s soft voice whispered in his ear, and Burt couldn’t help but nod.  

“Dad,” Kurt’s voice cracked on that first word as he looked up from where Finn was essentially wrapped around him, face wet with tears, eyes red and glassy, “how bad is it?” Finn shifted  so he was standing behind Kurt’s chair, his hands on Kurt’s shoulders, squeezing them reassuringly.  Kurt reached up and held one of Finn’s hand’s in his own.  

Carole shifted beside Burt, “maybe Finn and I should give you and Kurt some time to talk alone.” she whispered.  Burt nodded his head and pecked at her cheek as she stood and walked over to their sons.  She bent and kissed Kurt on the cheek before folding him into her arms.  When she straightened, she put a hand on Finn’s shoulder until he turned to look at her.  She tilted her head slightly to the door. “Let’s go for a walk Finn.”

Finn nodded as he bent his head and buried his face briefly in Kurt’s hair.  He squeezed his brother’s shoulders a final time before letting go and following his mother.  As he passed Burt, he stopped and hugged the older man gently.  

“Just tell me what you need me to do,” Finn offered.  Burt nodded, grateful for Finn’s words and actions already.  Finn helped his mother into her new coat before shrugging on his own as the two of them exited the loft.  

As the loft door slid shut, Burt stood up and moved to Finn’s vacated chair.  Before he could say anything, Kurt was out of his chair and into his father’s arms, hugging him tightly and sobbing loudly.  

“It’s okay, Kurt.” Burt whispered.  “They say they caught it early.  My improved diet and increase in exercise are beneficial to my prognosis.”  Kurt continued to sob, clutching at Burt’s shirt.  “I’m going to start chemo in the new year.  And I’m going to beat this kiddo.  I’m a Hummel; we don’t let anything keep us down.”  Burt’s own eyes were moist with tears.  He honestly had no idea how to comfort his son at the moment.  

Kurt’s sobs eventually subsided, replaced by hiccups and deep breaths.  He pulled away from Burt and pulled his chair closer before sitting down.  Kurt reached out for one of his father’s hands.  When he looked up at Burt, he looked much younger than his 19 years.  

“Please don’t leave me too, Dad,” he whispered as he wiped at his eyes with his free hand.        

“I’m not going to leave you kiddo.” Burt replied.  “And even if I did, you’ve got Carole now, and Finn.  You won’t be alone.”  He smiled warmly at his son.  “But I don’t plan on going anywhere too far anytime soon.”

000

When Carole and Finn returned to the loft, Burt and Kurt had wrapped and put away the leftovers from dinner.  They were working side by side at the small sink on the dishes.  Finn stepped in to take over for Burt, his mother stepping in to dry while Kurt and Burt focused on putting the dishes away.  Once everything was clean and put away, Carole and Burt said their good nights and left Finn and Kurt in the kitchen.  

Kurt sat down at the table, staring off at the tree in the living room area of the loft.  Finn watched the smaller young man as he leaned back against the counter.  He rubbed at the back of his neck nervously.

“You know it’s not like junior year, right?" Finn mumbled softly.  "If something happens, no one can take you away from mom and me.  We’re really a family now, and we’re going to be here for you and Burt too."

Kurt made a noise that sounded to Finn like a cross between a chuckle and a sob.  “I’m also 19 and living on my own Finn.  No one  is going to make me go anywhere.”   He looked over at his step-brother.  “I know what you mean though, and I appreciate it.  I really do.  I love that you and Carole are my family now too.”

Finn crossed over to where Kurt was sitting and crouched down beside him.  “You know I’m here for you, right?  Mom and I are going to take care of Burt, and I’ll keep you up to date with everything.  And if you think there is something we are missing, just let me know, and I’ll take care of it.”

Kurt nodded weakly.  

“How about I make us some warm milk?” Finn offered.  “You go get ready for bed, and I’ll make some milk and bring it in.”

“Thanks Finn, that would be wonderful,” Kurt replied.  

When Finn entered the bedroom with two steaming cups of milk and a plate of gingerbread, Kurt was already stripped down to his boxers and tee shirt, sitting up against the wall, on top of the mountain of covers.  Finn sat down beside him, before handing over the milk.  They sat their comfortably drinking their milk and idly chatting about their mutual friends and past Christmas celebrations.  

As they finished their warm milk and cast the mugs aside, Finn put an around around Kurt and hugged him close to his body.  “Merry Christmas Kurt.”  He almost didn’t hear Kurt sniffle, but when he turned his head, Finn could see Kurt’s bottom lip tremble.  

“Hey Kurt, come on now,” Finn said as he pulled Kurt almost onto his lap, tangling their legs, their arms wrapped around each other.  

“Being like this, this is like the weight I look for with all my blankets,” Kurt admitted in a hushed tone. Kurt sniffled softly against Finn’s tacky Christmas sweater. “It makes me feel safe, protected and warm; I could sleep just like this.” He yawned sleepily.

Finn frowned a little.  He hated that Kurt needed blankets to make him feel safe and protected.  He remembered the times he had slept with Rachel, and how she loved to be wrapped in his arms because they made her feel that same way.  Finn thought maybe he could do that for Kurt; wrap him up like that.  Maybe help him feel safe and protected, but he had no idea how to ask about it.  It wasn’t exactly a normal thing you know, to ask to cuddle your brother.  But Finn did love to cuddle- he hugged Kurt a little tighter.

Finn noticed Kurt was kind of looking at him funny.  “I better go get into my pajamas and wash up before it gets too late.” Finn stood up from the bed and grabbed his stuff on his way out.  He stood in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and staring at his reflection in the mirror.  Was it a silly idea to offer?  Should he offer or just do it?  Finn shook his head.  If it were anyone else, he’d just do it.  Ok, maybe not anyone else.  However, he couldn’t see Puck, or Sam or Mike or any of the guys really talking about how they slept with half a dozen blankets because it made them feel safe and protected.  But maybe that was beside the point.  

Finn walked back into the bedroom where Kurt had turned out the lights, and had just a small lamp on Finn’s side of the bed turned on again.  Kurt was laying on his side; one arm tucked under his head; the other draped across his body over the top of the covers.  Finn crawled into bed, under just the top cover again, and laid on his side, facing Kurt; his arm pillowed under his head.  

Finn cleared his throat nervously.  “Uhm, I know this might sound weird,” Finn began.  “But that thing you were talking about earlier, about the blankets and feeling safe and protected.  It’s kind of weird, but Rachel kind of said the same thing, about when we cuddled.  How my arms, how my cuddling with her made her feel like that.”

Kurt murmured his agreement.  

“I just thought, maybe, if you wanted, I could do that to you too.  No, wait, not to you, but for you.” Finn explained.  “It just sucks thinking you don’t feel that way.  And if I can do something to help, I want to.”

Kurt turned just his head to look at Finn, his eyes wide.  “Finn, are you offering to cuddle me to sleep?”  Kurt’s expression was not one Finn could easily read.  His voice seemed like maybe he was about to make fun of Finn, except, Kurt never made fun of Finn.  He was one of the only people who never made fun of Finn.  

Finn swallowed thickly and nodded.  “Not just to sleep, if that’s what you want, we could just cuddle and sleep.  I don’t know if you’re a big sleep mover, but I’m not, not really, once I’m comfortable.”

“Huh,” Kurt exclaimed, “I’m not sure if I’m a big sleep mover or not.”

Finn could feel Kurt’s eyes still staring at him.  It made him feel very vulnerable, and that was not something he was used to feeling.  “Was this a silly idea?  It was, wasn’t it.  Oh god, Kurt, just forget I even said anything.” Finn said as he rolled over, facing away from Kurt and burying his face in the pillow.  

Kurt’s hand was gentle on his arm, and Finn felt his whole body stiffen at the touch.  But then Kurt’s voice was soft and comforting behind him and so he relaxed a little bit.  “No Finn, no.  It wasn’t a silly idea at all.  It was a lovely idea.”  Finn could hear Kurt breathing behind him.  After a couple of breaths, Kurt spoke again.  “Would you please turn around and look at me, Finn?”

Finn shifted on the bed again; Kurt had moved a little closer.  “It’s really sweet, a lovely offer Finn.  But I don’t want you to do that out of some sort of obligation or something.  I know you don’t want to cuddle with me.  I’m not going to force you to do something you would be uncomfortable with.”  Kurt was smiling at Finn now.  “You’re a great guy Finn Hudson.”

Finn smiled back at Kurt.  “So are you Kurt.”  Kurt shuffled on the bed a bit and moved to lay back.  Finn reached behind him and shut off the lamp.  They were quiet for a few moments in the darkness before Finn put an arm across Kurt.  

“It’s not an obligation, not really.” he whispered in the darkness.  “And I’m not uncomfortable, I don’t think.  I actually really like to cuddle and haven’t had many opportunities lately.”  Finn gently coaxed Kurt to shift his body until they were spooned together; or as much as they could be with several layers of blankets between them.  

“Is this ok?”  he whispered.  

Kurt nodded in agreement. “Thank you Finn.”  His hand came up and lightly stroked at Finn’s forearm draped across his chest.  

  
“Good night Kurt.” **  
**

 


	2. What Are You Doing New Years Eve?

[](http://minus.com/i/QUtsRM6in0Y2)

 

Carole and Burt stayed for two more days after Christmas at the loft with Finn and Kurt.  Then they headed to DC to finish up some things before Burt had to be back in Lima to begin his treatments. Since no one was going to be in Lima, and Rachel was still out of town, Finn decided to stay at loft with Kurt through the new year.  The first night of the two of them alone in the loft, Finn offered to go sleep in Rachel’s bed.  Kurt shrugged his indifference, although Finn thought it was in the best interest for everyone.  Kurt probably didn’t need to get too attached to having someone sleeping in bed beside him.  Finn himself, was finding it deliciously tempting to have someone to cuddle- and he was trying not to concentrate on who that person was or how they seemed to fit so well together.

 

Finn took in Kurt’s dark eyes, slumped posture and drained expression as he walked into the kitchen the next morning.  He tilted his head to the side.  “I take it you didn’t sleep well last night?” Finn asked.  

 

Kurt blinked at Finn over the lip of his second cup of coffee that morning.  Kurt shrugged.  “Happens sometimes.”

 

Finn nodded, “I can’t say I had the best night’s sleep ever either.”  He offered Kurt a weak smile as he poured half a cup of coffee, adding milk and a couple of spoonfuls of hot chocolate mix.     

 

“So what’s on our agenda for today?”  For the most part, Finn had tagged along with Kurt everywhere, since Christmas Kurt usually had Finn looking up info on prostate cancer.  Alternative treatments, healthy recipes, side effects of chemo; Kurt had Finn compiling lists of things they could reference in the coming weeks as they all struggled as a family with Burt’s newest health crisis.  

 

Kurt looked at Finn.  “I have my meeting with my advisor at NYADA at ten thirty.  Want to tag along?  I’m quite familiar with the campus already thanks to Rachel, so I can show you around.”

 

Finn smiled brightly.  “Sure, I did see parts of the campus last time I was here, but that sounds like fun,” he said.     

 

Kurt and Finn spent the majority of the day at NYADA.  Kurt took Finn by the building that housed the winter showcase, then over to the dance studio and the practice rooms, across to some of the music rooms before finally taking Finn over to the student union for pastries and mochas.  The sat on one of the airport like leather sofas, reclining back, almost leaning into each other.  

 

“What should we do for New Years?” Finn asked after he had scarfed down his cranberry scone and a chocolate croissant.  

 

Kurt shrugged his shoulders and turned his head to look up at Finn.  “The events board over there might have some campus happenings for New Years.  We could check that out before we leave.”

 

“Sure.” Finn agreed but made no effort to move.  “I wonder if my campus has a spot like this.”

 

Kurt chuckled, “I’m sure it does Finn.  You’ll find it; I have no doubt.”

 

Finn playfully ruffled at Kurt’s hair.  “I’m not that much of a slacker!”

 

“Hey!” Kurt squawked as he twisted away from Finn.  “Watch the hair Finn Hudson!”

 

“Make me,” Finn taunted; he stuck out his tongue at Kurt.  He lunged across the sofa, reaching for Kurt, but Kurt was swift and stood quickly, dodging the side table and standing out of the reach of Finn’s long arms.  Finn all but rolled off the sofa and stood up, stepping over the long but narrow side table separating him and Kurt.  He raised an eyebrow at Kurt and smirked down at him.  Kurt took off quickly, running for one of the announcement pillars with Finn quick on his heels.  Kurt ducked behind one of the pillars.  Finn stood on the other side, ready to pounce once Kurt decided which way he was going.   

 

Kurt looked past Finn at the crowd that was gathering.  “We’re causing a scene!” Kurt hissed.

 

Finn threw his head back and laughed.  “You always cause a scene.” Finn leaned around the way Kurt was.  

 

Kurt dodged the other way.  “I do not.” Kurt huffed.   

 

“Oh, I think you do little brother.” Finn chuckled.  “Wearing skirts, see through rain coats, leather pants, gold painted on pants, star kicker dancing to Single Ladies on the football team,  being named Prom Queen…” Finn sing-songed a list of Kurt’s days in high school.  

 

Kurt poked his head around to Finn’s side again; one perfectly arched eyebrow raised in suspicion.  “You seem to have paid particular attention to my pants, Finn Hudson.”

 

Finn could feel his face flush slightly before Kurt continued.  “You’re one to talk.  Mr. Get’s into Fist Fights with his best friend in the hallway or the choir room, captain of the football team, glee club leader, sets up a kissing booth, kisses his not yet girlfriend in front of thousands of people that then goes viral, gets kicked out of junior prom for fighting, Prom King,walks down the hallway in his underwear…”  Kurt was silenced by a large hand sliding over his mouth.  

 

Finn took advantage of Kurt’s intensity as he listed all the silly things Finn had done in highschool and stepped around the pillar.  He slid his arm around Kurt, sliding a hand over Kurt’s mouth to silence him.  “Truce, truce.”  Finn held up his free hand in surrender.  

 

Kurt nodded his agreement and Finn dropped his hand.  “Let’s see what is going on for New Years Eve.”  Finn and Kurt stood side by side perusing the board.  

 

“Hey, Kurt look at this,” Finn taped on a yellow flier advertising a group called ‘Adam’s Apples’.  “Looks like NYADA might have it’s own glee club.  You should go check them out.”

 

Kurt pondered the info on the flier, tilting his head.  “They probably had auditions back in the fall and I’d have to wait until next year.”

 

“Why would they have a flier up with their rehearsal schedule on a flier if they weren’t holding auditions or accepting people all through the year?”  Finn postured.  

 

“Maybe they are like the Warblers, rock stars of the school,” Kurt said.  

 

“Dude, no glee club is like the Warblers!” Finn exclaimed.

 

“Vocal Adrenaline,” Kurt countered.  

 

“That’s sadly true,” Finn said.

 

“We’re not rock stars, but we get by all right as long as we don’t go around announcing our association with the Apples,” a British voice offered as he stepped towards the pair of brothers.  “Sorry, I couldn’t help but over hear the two of you. I’m Adam,” the voice offered as he gestured to the flier, “of Adam’s Apples.”

 

Kurt startled; then  he extended his hand to Adam.  “I’m Kurt,” he said as Adam took his hand and shook it briskly.  “I’m just starting here in the new year.”

 

“Then you should come out and see what we’re about on the tenth,” Adam offered; he looked up at Finn.  “Both of you.”

 

Finn coughed; then he shook his head.  “I don’t go here, and I’m heading home to Lima in a couple of days,” he explained.  “Finn,” he offered as he thrust his hand out in Adam’s suggestion.  

 

“You should see if your school has a group too.  Just because none of us are there with you, doesn’t mean you should stop singing,” Kurt admonished.  

 

Finn squeezed Adam’s hand a little tightly, not quite liking the way Adam was sizing up a seemingly oblivious Kurt.  “It’s not like I’m never gonna sing again.” Finn scoffed as he let go of Adam’s hand.  “I’m still going to be helping with the New Directions.  And Puck is sticking around, so maybe we’ll grab Artie and Sam and start up a band or something.”

 

“You both sing then,” Adam surmised, tilting his head towards Kurt.  

 

Kurt nodded, his eyes wide with excitement. “We met through Glee club at our high school sophomore year.”

 

Finn rolled his eyes at Kurt.  “You keep telling yourself that,” he muttered softly.  

 

Kurt scowled at Finn and smacked him lightly in the arm.  “Oh shush, you big lug.”

 

Adam brought his hand up to cover a slight smirk from watching the young men in front of him.    “I have to say, you two are simply adorable together.”

 

Finn felt his cheeks heat in embarrassment again.  

 

“Oh, noooo, no, no.” Kurt sputtered.  “We’re not together- like that.”

 

“We’re brothers,” Finn offered, narrowing his eyes at Adam.  “I’m Kurt’s big brother.”

 

“My younger big brother.” Kurt giggled.  

 

Adam made a concerned face before pursing his lips.  “I thought you didn’t meet until sophomore year?  Oh, are you long lost fraternal twins?”

 

Kurt giggled, again,and Finn scowled at how Adam’s eyes lit up at the sound.  “No, we’re step brothers really.  Our parents met sophomore year, married our junior year.  But we’re really close friends, all things considered and we just usually leave the “step” part out.”

 

Finn stepped closer to Kurt and draped an arm casually across his shoulders, a pleased smile crossing his face as Adam took a step back.  “I’ve kinda been watching out for Kurt even since before all of that, right Kurt?”

 

Kurt looked up at Finn, fluttering his eyelashes in false worship.  “My knight in shining armor; protecting my designer jackets and my satchel from the inside of the dumpsters.  Berating your friends for using me as body checking target practice and showing up in a red…”

 

“Kurt!” Finn warned, cutting the smaller boy off.  “We called a truce remember.  But if you want to continue that line of thought, I am sure I can come up with a few things Adam here would love to hear.”  Finn tilted his head to the side as he paused.  

 

“Truce, truce.” Kurt huffed; his hands held up in surrender.  He flashed an apologetic smile to Adam.  “Sorry, but I rather if Finn did not embarrass me within an inch of my life until after I join the Apples.”

 

“You’re going to come out and audition then?” Adam questioned.  “I look forward to seeing your song selection.”  Adam smiled at Kurt before nodding at Finn.  “I’ve got to run, but it was a pleasure to meet you Finn.” Adam smiled brightly at Kurt again. “You too Kurt.  I’ll see you around.”

 

“Bye Adam!” Kurt waved, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement.  

 

“So, New Years,” Finn started once Adam was out of sight.  “Why don’t we grab dinner somewhere and then had to Times Square?”

 

Kurt looked at Finn as if he had grown two heads.  “I don’t know, Finn,” he said.  “I’m not sure I feel up to the crowds, the excitement and the noise of a New Years in Times square.”

 

Finn shrugged.  “It was just an idea.  I thought it sounded kinda fun.”

 

Kurt looked at Finn and sighed.  “It’s just, last year when I thought about being here in New York over the holidays, that was one of the things I thought.  Being here with Blaine, doing that with Blaine.”

 

Finn frowned; patting  Kurt on the shoulder.  “It’s fine, I get it.”

 

“Although if I am being completely honest,” Kurt looked up at Finn and smiled sheepishly, “that picture was actually me, Blaine, you and Rachel.  So I guess two out four isn’t so bad.”

 

“I promise you a good time!” Finn exclaimed, instantly regretting his word choice the moment they slipped out of his mouth.  He ducked his head in embarrassment as his cheeks reddened.  

 

Kurt laughed, a full hearty chuckle, not his flirty giggle. “Never change Finn.  Never change.”

 

000

 

After their day at NYADA, Kurt and Finn returned to the loft with Mexican take out and a cheesecake.  Kurt set the food out on the small coffee table in front of the sofa while Finn put away the cheesecake and grabbed a couple of soda’s from the fridge.  Kurt turned on the TV and Netflix, offering Finn the first choice in the movie.  

 

“What about ‘I Am Four?” Finn suggested.  

 

“Sure.” Kurt shrugged and started the movie.  They ate in comfortable silence, occasionally talking about the movie.  

 

“It’s not just me, but the girl looks like Quinn right?”  Finn asked at one point, nudging Kurt’s shoulder with his own.  

 

When the movie had finished, Kurt stood up and took the empty containers, empty soda cans and dirty dishes to the kitchen before coming back with the cheese cake, a quart of milk and two forks.  

 

“No glasses for the milk?” Finn asked as Kurt put the items on the coffee table.  

 

“It’s not like it would be the first time I’ve drank out of the carton right after you.” Kurt shrugged.  

 

“I knew it!” Finn exclaimed as he shook his finger at Kurt.  

 

Kurt stuck out his tongue at Finn as he scrolled through the choices on Netflix.

 

“So, that Adam guy seems cool,” Finn started, as he turned to look directly at Kurt.

 

Kurt could feel his eyebrows shoot up into his forehead, and he tried to keep his voice calm and steady.  “Yeah, I guess.  Seemed friendly enough right.  And it should be fun to be in a glee club again- although I’m surprised Rachel hasn’t mentioned them to me before.  Maybe I won’t tell her about them for a while.”

 

“That is a little surprising,” Finn agreed.  “I’d say Adam would like to be friends, with you.”

 

Kurt shifted in his spot, turning to look at Finn.  “What are you trying to say?”

 

Finn laughed for a moment, then quickly changed his demeanor.  “I think he was trying to flirt with you, at least once he figured out that I wasn’t the jealous boyfriend about to kick the crap out of him.”  

 

Kurt scoffed and leaned back against the couch.  “I highly doubt that Finn.”

 

“I don’t,” Finn shook his head.  “He was interested.”

 

Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Finn.  “I didn’t realize you had become some sort of gay flirting jedi.”

 

“Well, no, but I’m definitely getting better at this protective big brother thing and my big brother senses were super tingly around him,” Finn joked.  “Besides, I’ve watched you and Blaine do the “friend” dance.  I’ve watched that other Warbler, Sebastard, try to hit on Blaine.”  

 

Kurt laughed. “His name was Sebastian, Finn, but Sebastard fits, nicely.”

 

Finn rolled his eyes. “And now this year, I’ve been watching Blaine hit on Sa---” Finn blanched.

 

Kurt sat up straighter and gripped the back of the sofa with his hand.  “You’ve been watching Blaine hit on who? Sa-, Sa-, oh my god, Sam!”   Kurt’s eyes widened in disbelief, and his hand came up to cover his mouth.  “Since when Finn?”  

 

Finn shook his head and held out his arms to Kurt.  “I shouldn’t have said anything.  That was incredibly stupid of me.”

 

Kurt shifted slightly, allowing himself to be engulfed in Finn’s offered hug.  “Since when Finn?  Is it possible Sam is whom Blaine cheated on me with?”

 

Finn shook his head.  “No, no.  No, I don’t think so dude.  And I mean, maybe I’m reading it all wrong.  Maybe it’s just Blaine being Blaine and all charming and shit.  And Sam, he’s either like oblivious to it all or he just really doesn’t care. Except that, they are like best friends.”

 

“So this has been going on since Blaine and I broke up?” Kurt sniffled. He shifted so instead of being hugged by Finn, he was now leaning up against him, tucked into his side, one of Finn’s arms across the back of his shoulders.  

 

“Yeah, I guess.  I mean they campaigned together for student government, but I wasn’t there for that,” Finn said.  “I’ve only really noticed it the last couple of weeks.  I mean it’s super weird too because first there is Tina- who is like Blaine’s Rachel.  Except I think Tina wants to turn Blaine and date him and I’m hoping to god that’s not the case with you and Rach- no offense”

 

Kurt shuddered in Finn’s arms.  “None taken- believe me that thought is scarier than, well scarier than the thought of Coach Sylvester and Mr. Schue.”

 

“Ewww,” Finn replied.  “Anyhow, so Tina is chasing Blaine, and Blaine is chasing Sam.  Sam is still dating Britt.  In fact, they got like fake married or something because they thought the world was going to end.” Finn paused for a second when he realised Kurt was tucked into his side; under his arm.  “And then Blaine, Tina and Sam are like BFFs almost always together.  Kinda like you and me and Rach last year.”

 

“Why does everyone seem to think high school proposals are a good idea?” Kurt asked, tilting his head up to look at Finn.  

 

“I don’t know dude,” Finn said as he shook his head.  “Kinda asking the wrong guy I think.”

 

“What about Brittany?” Kurt asked softly.  “What does she think about this Sam and Blaine thing or the Sam and Blaine and Tina?”

 

“I don’t think she cares about it,” Finn said sadly.  “Maybe I’m making too big a deal out of it.  Maybe she’s never noticed.  I mean sometimes I find her just aimlessly wandering the school- I think she is looking for Santana.”

 

“Ouch,” Kurt said as he leaned forward to grab the cheesecake and the forks, passing one to Finn.  He pressed the enter button on the remote and pressed play, starting ‘We Bought a Zoo’.  Kurt leaned back against the sofa; Finn’s arm still stretched out behind him.  Kurt ate a couple of mouthfuls of the cheesecake before he noticed Finn wasn’t eating any.  

 

“I hope you’re not planning on allowing me to eat this all on my own,” Kurt huffed at Finn.  

 

“Was thinking about it,” Finn joked.  “You seemed to be enjoying it.”  Finn pulled his arm from behind Kurt and dug into the cheesecake. Kurt grabbed the quart of milk and took a swig straight from the carton before passing it to Finn.  They traded, milk, cheesecake, milk, cheesecake, off and on until both were finished.  

 

Kurt leaned forward to put the empty cheesecake container, the forks and the empty carton of milk on the table.  Finn stretched out, swinging his legs up onto the little table.  When Kurt sat back, he happily noted that Finn’s arm was stretched out behind him again.  Kurt swung his legs up onto the sofa, tucking them under himself. Kurt leaned back into Finn, resting his head against Finn’s shoulder.  

 

“Did you ever think we’d be this comfortable around each other?” Kurt mused quietly while they watched the movie.  

 

Finn chuckled softly.  “Sophomore year, no way.  Junior year, maybe.  By Senior year, somehow we were.  What about you?  Did you ever think we could be friends; brothers after the basement incident?”

 

“No,” Kurt replied simply. “I’m still not sure I know how or why Dad let you back into the house.”

 

“I really didn’t mean anything by it,” Finn started.  “Well, I did, but I didn’t.  I know; it doesn’t make sense.”

 

“I know,” Kurt whispered.  “I know I wasn’t entirely innocent either.  I pushed and pushed even though you tried to be nice and let me know you weren’t interested without being mean.”

 

Finn rubbed at Kurt’s arm for a while as they launched into silence again, focusing on the movie.  

 

When the movie ended, Kurt stood up and stretched before taking their garbage to the kitchen.  He stopped by Rachel’s room to say goodnight to Finn, but Finn wasn’t there.  He walked into his room and found Finn already stretched out under the covers, the lamp on Kurt’s usual side of the bed, the only light on.  

 

Kurt shook his head, trying to clear what seemed like a hallucination he was obviously having.  “Why are you in my bed Finn?”

 

“You didn’t sleep well last night, I didn’t sleep so great either.  I know I was sleeping better when I was sleeping here, and I think you were too,” Finn explained.  “So what’s wrong?”

 

Kurt felt his eyes widen.  “So you want to sleep with me?  I mean; you want to cuddle with me?  You want to sleep in my bed?”  Kurt huffed.  “No matter how I say it Finn, it sounds ridiculous!”

 

“I really don’t care Kurt,” Finn said.  “Wait that didn’t come out right either.  I do care, about you.  It’s been a rough couple of months; it’s going to be another rough couple of months with Burt.  If I can do something, anything, to help you, to support you, I’m going to do it.”

 

Kurt blinked at Finn a couple of times.  “Fine!” He huffed as he turned his back to Finn and shimmied out of his dress pants.    He pulled out a pair of clean boxers and a fitted tee shirt from a drawer before he shucked his skimpy underwear in favour of his boxers.  Kurt unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it off before putting on his tee shirt.  Kurt bent over to remove his socks and then picked up all of his clothes and put them in the hamper.  

 

Kurt slipped in between the covers, noticing Finn had his back turned.  Kurt sighed loudly and turned away from Finn, reaching to turn off the lamp.  Kurt tossed and turned for a few moments, trying to settle in his bed.  He laid on his back, his arms folded across his chest and yawned.    

 

“If it makes you that uncomfortable, maybe I should go sleep in Rachel’s bed,”  Finn whispered sleepily from beside him.  Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt could see Finn was now turned to face him, one arm tucked under the pillow he was laying on.  

 

“I’m not the one that is uncomfortable,” Kurt protested.  “You turned around while I was changing.”

 

“You turned away from me first to get undressed Kurt,” Finn argued.  “I thought I was just respecting your privacy.”

 

Kurt scoffed into the darkness.  “So you wanted to watch me undress?”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that!  Don’t put words in my mouth.” Finn chuckled.  “Now are you going to shush up and go to sleep already or what?”

 

Kurt rolled his eyes and smirked.  “Good night Finn,” he whispered.  

 

“Night Kurt,” Finn whispered back before he shifted onto his stomach and threw a leg and arm over Kurt’s body.  Kurt had crawled into bed under all the blankets again, and Finn like normal was only under the top couple, so there were still layers of blankets between them.  The weight and the warmth of Finn’s body, coupled with that of the blankets made Kurt smile and he pulled his blankets slightly higher up his chest.

 

It was still and quiet in the room for a long time, and Kurt thought perhaps Finn was already asleep.  Kurt sighed contentedly and wondered if he’d ever felt quite so protected and he knew the answer was no, not even the handful of times he’d laid like this with Blaine.  

 

“That was a happy sigh right?”  Finn’s voice was husky with sleep and slightly muffled by the pillow.  

 

“Mm-hmm,” Kurt murmured in agreement.  

 

“Better than a million blankets?” Finn whispered as he pulled Kurt slightly closer to him.  

 

“Yes,” Kurt said softly.

 

Finn turned his head slightly and pressed a light kiss to Kurt’s hair on the side of his head.  “Sleep now, Kurt,” he mumbled.

 

Kurt closed his eyes and let sleep overtake him.  

 

000

 

Late afternoon on New Years Eve, Kurt and Finn left the loft and made their way towards Manhattan. Kurt had found a little greasy spoon diner for them to have dinner at before making their way to Times Square.

 

“How’d you find this place Kurt?” Finn asked as he looked over the four page menu. “I can’t even decide what I want, it all sounds good and this place smells amazing.”

 

“I sent an email around to some co-workers,” Kurt explained.  “Chase actually recommended it and Isabelle thought you would especially like it.  I wonder what the soup of the day is?”

 

“I could go for some soup,” Finn agreed. “As a starter.”

 

“So, how about a cup of soup as a starter- if it’s a good kind,” Kurt said.  “Oh, look they have triple decker clubhouse sandwiches. I think I’ll have that with a tossed salad instead of fries.”

 

“I’m leaning towards the Monte Cristo myself,” Finn said. “But I’m getting fries. Wanna share an order of onion rings though?”

 

Kurt nodded. “Think we’ll feel like dessert?”

 

Finn shrugged. “I always feel like dessert. If nothing else, a mug of hot chocolate at the end to warm us up on the inside before we go out into the cold for a couple of hours. And maybe some warm pie.”

 

“If I don’t think I can eat a whole slice of pie and drink a mug of hot chocolate, will you share your pie with me?” Kurt asked.

 

Finn rolled his eyes. “Order your pie, if you can’t finish it, I will. I promise.”

 

A young girl, maybe only a couple of years older than they were, with shoulder length red curly hair tied back in a ponytail and thick glasses, wearing a pair of khakis and a black t-shirt with a white half apron and a pair of sneakers, approached the brothers with a carafe of coffee in one hand and a notepad in the other. “Good evening boys, the name’s Charlotte but mostly everyone calls me Charlie. Can I start you two out with some coffee or something else to drink tonight?”

 

Kurt flipped over the cup on his side of the table and pushed it towards Charlie for her to fill. Finn on the other hand, pushed his away.

 

Charlie filled Kurt’s cup to the brim before setting down the carafe. She flipped open her note pad and pulled a pen out from behind her ear. “What can I get you to drink sweetheart?”  She flashed a dazzling smile at Finn.

 

“I’ll have a chocolate coconut shake please.”  Finn smiled back at the girl.

 

“Oh, that sounds good,” Kurt added.

 

“Should I bring you one too cutie?” Charlie turned her charm on Kurt and he tried to suppress his laughter.

 

Kurt shook his head wildly before offering a pout in Finn’s direction.

 

Finn rolled his eyes and sighed. “Better bring two straws with the shake Charlie. Apparently I’m sharing.”

 

“One shake, two straws. Got it.” Charlie scribbled in her notepad. “You fellas about ready to order or do you need some time?”

 

“What’s the soup of the day?” Kurt inquired.

 

“We’ve got two today. Beef barley or creamy potato bacon.” Charlie chirped. “The special tonight is the steak sandwich with a skewer of shrimp. Served with mashed potatoes and veggies or onion rings and coleslaw. Comes with a starter soup or salad, coffee or tea and dessert for $16.95.”

 

Kurt looked across at Finn who nodded. “I think we’re ready to order now,” Kurt said. “I’ll have a cup of the beef barley to start. Then I’d like the triple decker clubhouse on whole grain with a tossed salad instead of fries. French dressing on the side if you have it, if not, Ranch.”

 

“We’ve got French,” Charlie said then she turned  to face Finn. “What about you, sweetheart?”

 

“I’ll start with a bowl of the creamy soup,” Finn began. “Then I’d like to get the Monte Cristo with fries. And we’re going to share an order of onion rings too.”

 

“White or wheat or whole grain bread for you sandwich?”

 

“White,” Finn said decidedly.

 

“I’ll be back right away with your shake and your soups boys,” Charlie said as she slid her pen back behind her ear and picked up her carafe. True to her word, Charlie returned quickly with the cups of soup and Finn’s milkshake. “Here you go boys, enjoy.”  She slid their food in front of them.

 

Finn instantly crushed his crackers into his soup and had a couple of spoonfuls while Kurt waited for his to cool slightly.

 

“This is so good Kurt, you’ve got to try it!” Finn said as he gestured to his soup.

 

Kurt moved to stick his spoon into Finn’s soup but Finn looked at him weirdly, offering him a taste off his own spoon. Kurt swallowed the taste of soup and his eyes widened. “Oh, that is good. I’m glad I didn’t order it though, I’d just want more and as it is, I’m going to have to step up my after the holidays workouts if I expect to wear some of those skimpy dance outfits they recommend at NYADA.”

 

“Would you stop that Kurt?” Finn asked. “You look great. You always look great. I know you don’t always think so, but you do.”

 

Kurt felt his cheeks redden and he ducked his head, focusing on his soup.

 

“Don’t I get a taste of yours too?” Finn teased as he poked at Kurt’s cup with his spoon.

 

Kurt looked up and pushed the cup towards Finn, offering him a taste as well.

 

“Oh that’s good soup too,” Finn said as he tasted it. “When I come back next time, we should come down here just for soup.”

 

“You’re going to come back?” Kurt looked at Finn.

 

“I’m sure I’ll be back at some point,” Finn chuckled. “You’re going to be here at least four years at NYADA right? And then what, Broadway is the dream- so I guess this means this is where you’re going to be forever now.”

 

Kurt shrugged his shoulders. “Forever’s a long time Finn. What if NYADA isn’t a right fit? What if I don’t make it on Broadway? What if something happens to Dad?”

 

Finn reached across the table and pulled one of Kurt’s hands into his own. “NYADA is a right fit- you’re amazing. Broadway might not work out, but your talents are not just singing and dancing. And Dad, is going to be fine. He’s going to help pass legislation so his son can legally marry the man of his dreams.” Finn looked up, as if he was watching an invisible tv above Kurt’s head. “You know, Burt and mom are going to be those amazing grandparents that spoil their grandchildren rotten.  And our family, we already know Kurt, that family is not just blood;  it’s love.  So it won’t matter if your children are not biologically yours.  Mom and Dad are going to love them just as much as they love both of us.”

 

Kurt looked up at Finn with wet eyes. “You’re getting really good at these little pep talks and motivational speeches, Mr. Teacher.”

 

“Nah,” Finn shrugged. “I’m just getting better at speaking Kurt. It’s like I know you or something. I know just what you need.” He winked as he let go of Kurt’s hand and Kurt swiped at his eyes with his napkin.

 

“So how was the soup boys?” Charlie asked as she came back to clear away their cups.

 

“It was so good, we’re going to have to come back just for soup the next time I’m in the city,” Finn explained with a polite smile.

 

“Not from around here then?” Charlie asked.

 

“No, we’re from Lima, Ohio,” Finn said. “But Kurt’s going to NYADA now, and is going to be on Broadway one day. So New York is his home now.”

 

“Big plans for New Years Eve then?”

 

“We’re going to go down to Times Square,” Kurt said.

 

Charlie smiled and nodded before she walked away from their table. She returned almost right away with their meals. “I’ve got the whole grain clubhouse with salad and french dressing for the cutie, a Monte Cristo with fries for you sweetheart, and a plate of onion rings for you boys to share. Can I get you anything else? More coffee? Another shake?”

 

“No coffee,” Kurt replied. “And we haven’t even touched the shake yet.”

 

“Well, just holler if you need something. Enjoy!” Charlie said as she walked away.

 

Kurt and Finn ate in a companionable silence, sharing Finn’s milk shake and the onion rings. The chocolate coconut shake was easily one of the best Kurt had ever had. Kurt has very happy with the recommendation; the food was good, the atmosphere pleasant and no one seemed to bat an eyelash at the two boys eating together and laughing from time to time at something the other had said.

 

Charlie stopped by their table a couple of times to check on them while they ate and in the end they did order a second shake to share. Finn also asked Charlie if she knew what made the Monte Crisco taste different. She laughed because not many people noticed apparently, but the chef liked to add a dash of cinnamon to the egg mixture. And Finn nodded right away, placing the seemingly familiar taste.

 

As Kurt pushed away his now empty plate, Charlie appeared again. “Did you save room for dessert?”

 

“Talk to me about pie,” Finn said, a smile on his face. “What kinds do you have?”

 

Charlie tilted her head to the side. “We have banana cream pie, pecan pie and a key lime pie.”

 

Kurt frowned as he looked at Finn. “I think we were both hoping for something we could get heated up, like apple or pumpkin pie to help warm us up before we go back out.”

 

“We’ll take two large hot chocolates for sure,” Finn interrupted. “What else is on your dessert menu?”

 

“We have an apple cranberry crisp that I can heat up for you boys,” Charlie offered. She was rewarded with a large dazzling smile from Finn and an eager nod from Kurt. “Would you like vanilla ice cream or some whipped cream? And should I bring a piece each or one to share?” Charlie smiled slyly.

 

“A piece each,” Finn declared. “I’ll finish off whatever Kurt can’t. And whipped cream.”

 

000

 

Finn slowed his steps dramatically as the number of people around them seemed to increase almost instantly. The crowd and the noise made it easy to tell they were nearing Time Square but Finn honestly had no idea where he was going; it would be easier to let Kurt take the lead. He looked over at the other young man and smiled to himself as he noticed the very tip of Kurt’s nose was cherry red. The temperature hadn’t really dropped while they were eating dinner but the winds had picked up and whenever they were not sheltered from the wind by the tall buildings, even Finn could feel the bitter cold bite through the denim of his jeans and thin cotton of his gloves.

 

As they stepped off the sidewalk to cross a somewhat busy intersection, Finn noticed Kurt rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, then his arms before finally bringing his hands up and blowing on his leather wrapped hands and adjusting his scarf. As they crossed and stepped into the windbreak offered by the city buildings, Finn slowed and reached out to grab Kurt’s arm.

 

Kurt stopped and turned with wide eyes, “What-” he stammered before he realized it was just Finn. “Why are we stopping?”

 

“Are you cold?” Finn asked as his gloved fingers rubbed at Kurt’s charcoal grey wool coat. “I guess this doesn’t keep the wind out so great.”

 

Kurt shrugged. “I get a little chilled when we’re in the wind but I’m fine.”

 

Finn looked down at the dress pants Kurt was wearing. “I bet jeans would have been warmer.”

 

“I suppose,” Kurt mumbled as he adjusted his scarf up around his ears again.

 

“At least put your hood up, or take my hat,” Finn offered as he snatched his knitted hat off his head.

 

Kurt shook his head violently and stepped away from Finn. “Don’t you dare, Finn Hudson!” he threatened. “It’ll wreck my hair.”

 

“Is there a reason you need to look your absolute best?” Finn joked as he pulled his hat back on and down over his ears. “Hoping for a New Years hookup?”

 

“You never know,” Kurt offered. “Maybe my Mr. New York is here tonight. Maybe we’ll meet. Maybe we’ll share our first kiss at midnight.”

 

Finn swallowed thickly. For some reason, hearing Kurt say that made his stomach feel uneasy. Maybe he had eaten too much at the diner. “At least put up your hood, Dude. Your hair won’t get too messed up and you won’t freeze.”

 

Kurt huffed as he pulled his hood up. “Better Mr. Bossypants.” he sighed.

 

“M-muc-ch,” Finn stammered and then cleared his throat to cover it. The uneasy feeling in his stomach increased. Kurt began following the growing crowd again but thanks to his long legs Finn was able to catch up quickly. New York City crowds were pushy though and it didn’t seem to matter how close behind Kurt Finn was, someone was always trying to step in between them and around them, past them.

 

Finn panicked for a moment thinking about being separated from Kurt in a city he was unfamiliar with. That made him think of Kurt being separated from him and surrounded by drunken douchebags. Finn took two large steps and moved his way beside Kurt, slinging his arm around Kurt’s shoulders. “The crowd is getting thicker and people keep trying to squish in between us.”  Finn could see and feel Kurt’s posture relax slightly into his and it made him smile. “Last thing I need is for us to get separated down here.”

 

Kurt nodded. “The crowds take some getting used to. Whenever Rachel and I are out together and it get’s really crowded, we hold hands or link arms.”

 

Finn smirked. The thought of his tiny ex-girlfriend and his stepbrother walking around hand in hand in New York was kind of funny and kind of heartbreaking all at the same time. “This might help keep you warmer too.” Finn suggested as he tried to get an image of Kurt and Rachel out of his mind.

 

Kurt murmured his agreement. “God, you’re like a furnace or something,” he quipped as he snuggled further into Finn’s side, tucking himself into the crook of the taller man’s shoulder.

 

“You can always just elbow me in the ribs if you see your ‘Mr. New York’,” Finn jokingly offered as Kurt wrapped both of his arms around Finn’s torso, ensuring they would not be able to be simply pushed or jostled apart. “And I’ll let go.”  Finn tried to sneak a look at Kurt, but their position and Kurt’s hood shielded him. The unsettled feeling in Finn’s stomach continued to grow, now residing ironically just below where Kurt’s arm was stretched across him.

 

The noise, not only of the crowd but also music increased and soon they were at their destination, standing side by side trying not to be jostled apart by the rambunctious crowd. Beside him, Finn could feel Kurt sort of dancing along to the music. He reached out and pushed back Kurt’s hood slightly so he could look at him. Kurt’s eyes were sparkling with enjoyment, but underneath there was a sadness that Finn knew not just anyone would see. But Finn knew it- and it wasn’t just one thing. It was still partially the break up with Blaine. It was being in New York and being terrified. It was actually about to be a NYADA student. It was Burt’s health. It was being away from home.

 

“Any resolutions for 2013?” Finn leaned down and said loudly, to be heard over the noise.

 

Kurt looked up at Finn, mouth stretched in a wide smile. “Try not to make too big a fool of myself.” Kurt moved away from Finn’s side and stood in front of him moving to the music; he held his hands out to Finn to join him.

 

Finn grabbed Kurt’s leather wrapped hands in his cloth ones and tried to follow Kurt’s lead and the pulsing beat of a song blasting through Times Square. Finn shook his head and smiled as the song changed and he took advantage of the relative quiet to speak again. “I really think 2013 is going to be your year Kurt. I can feel it.” When Kurt’s smile widened, Finn continued. “You’re finally here in New York City, your city of dreams. You’re going to be starting at NYADA right away. You’ve got an awesome job at Vogue.com; ironically because of something that people used to try to tear you down for.”

 

Kurt’s stepped closer to Finn and threw his arms around Finn, crushing their chests together. Kurt reached up on his tip toes, his breath warm and tickling at the side of Finn’s head as the music began again. “All of that may be true, but 2013 is also going to be the year that Dad battles cancer and we don’t know how that will end.”

 

Finn spoke loudly as the music continued to pulse loudly around them as Kurt more or less hung off of him. “He’s going to beat it. Burt’s strong.” Finn brought his hands up to run up and down Kurt’s back in comfort.

 

Kurt stepped back, opening the space between them again as he started swaying to the beat again. Finn tried to follow along, feeling like he was constantly watching his feet so he wouldn’t step on Kurt’s and also trying to keep his arms and hands close to his body so he didn’t accidentally injure someone. Kurt moved around behind Finn and stretched up tall, putting his hands on Finn’s shoulders, pushing slightly encouraging him to slouch slightly.

“Not that I need a guy to complete me,” Kurt mused, his voice loud in Finn’s ear. “But how awesome can 2013 really be when I don’t even have a boyfriend or someone to kiss me and ring in the New Year?” Kurt tapped his shoulders again as he moved around to back in front of Finn.

 

Finn tensed slightly- the unsettled feeling was growing again. Finn tried not to be too loud and draw attention, but loud enough for Kurt to hear him over the music. “I’m sure the lack of a boyfriend won’t slow you down too much. Like you said, you don’t really need a guy.” Finn shifted slightly and brought a hand up to tip Kurt’s chin up to look at him. “You could easily remedy the boyfriend front if you wanted. I mean there is always Blaine if you can ever get past everything and want to be with him again. Or Adam- he seemed pretty willing to get to know you better. Or who knows who else you’re about to meet.”

Finn took a deep breath and closed his eyes trying to settle that growing feeling in his stomach. The song ended and the noise quietened some. “This might be the year you meet the love of your life,” he whispered as he opened his eyes again. He dropped his fingers from under Kurt’s chin.

 

When the music began again, instead of dancing, Kurt snuggled back into the side of Finn’s body. Finn felt Kurt wrap his arms around him in a hug and leaned his head against Finn’s chest. Finn hoped that Kurt would think the pounding in his chest was the pulse of the music and not his heart that was beating so loudly and wildly. Finn’s face felt warm and flushed in comparison to the cool bitterness of the winter wind whipping around them.

 

Kurt’s voice was soft when he spoke again despite the noise, so Finn almost missed what he said. “...I’m just not sure this, New York, is my home. It still feels so strange. I still feel like Lima should be home, but I feel so far away, so far removed.”

 

“Lima will always be home if you want it to be. You’ll always be welcome there by the people that love you. And we can always come here to you. Just say the word.” Finn found himself wondering if Kurt would ever return to Lima, even to visit. “Mom and Burt have already told me the frequent flier miles they’ve been racking up are there for you and I to use. I mean they might get upset if we take off to Mexico for spring break or something, although maybe not if we go together. But I think the point is for you to come home to visit or for me to come to New York.”

 

Finn felt Kurt nod. “Dad said pretty much the same thing to me. I mean January is going to be pretty busy for us probably, and I’m coming home in February for the wedding for sure. But maybe in March…” he trailed off.

 

“Yeah, maybe March,” Finn agreed although there was nothing to really agree to. He spun Kurt around as another song they both recognized began. Maybe it was because no one but Kurt knew him, maybe it was because outside of high school Finn Hudson just didn’t care, but Finn felt somewhat relaxed and at ease with his bad dancing in the middle of the Times Square crowd. He also felt strangely at ease dancing with a guy- except it wasn’t just a guy, it was Kurt and Finn honestly didn’t know what to make of that.

 

000

 

It felt like hardly anytime had passed before they began the iconic countdown to midnight.  Finn felt a strange twinge of sadness as he thought about Kurt’s words from earlier about not having someone to kiss at midnight. With his arm across the back of Kurt’s shoulders again, Finn squeezed Kurt’s shoulder lightly as they counted with the crowd.

 

_Ten_ , Finn felt that uneasiness in his stomach again.

 

_Nine_ , he looked around and noticed what seemed like an abundance of couples around them.  

 

_Eight_ , Kurt’s eyes were watching him, but Finn didn’t know why.

 

_Seven_ , Kurt wishes he was here with someone else Finn mused.

 

_Six_ , and yet I can’t think of anywhere or anyone else I'd rather be with right now.

 

_Five_ , once upon a time Kurt might have even tried to kiss me at midnight.

 

_Four_ ,  Finn found himself lost in a spinning time warp of memories.  Starting with the hug they had shared during the weekend in New York when both of their relationships had spun out and moving backwards to graduation, Finn and Kurt standing together trying to pretend their hearts were not breaking when only Rachel’s New York dream was offered, then to the Senior class president election.  Finn had no idea how he could have possibly kept his girlfriend and voted for Kurt at the same time if she hadn’t pulled out of the race.  Although she probably should have stayed out of it all together.  And she definitely should not have tried to stuff the ballots.

 

_Three_ , Finn felt his lips twist in a smile as he remembered their parents wedding. The song he had sung and danced to with  Kurt;  how happy Kurt had been, but that morphed into how utterly devastated Kurt had been during Burt’s heart attack and subsequent coma.  Then there was the gaga hallway incident and all the way back to the basement- when Finn had crushed everything Kurt had built up about him.

 

_Two_ , What if I kissed him? Finn thought to himself.

 

_One_ ,  his eyes were wide, unblinking, his heart loud in his ears, pounding like a drum.

 

_Happy New Year!_  Feeling something he couldn’t describe, Finn leaned over and cupped Kurt’s rosy, wind chapped cheeks in his gloved hands.  He brought his lips down, hovering over Kurt’s own for a minute, before he chickened out and moved them to the middle of Kurt’s forehead, pressing a tender kiss to the cool skin.   Finn then rested his forehead against Kurt’s, closing his eyes against Kurt’s penetrating gaze as he tried to remember how to breathe without hyperventilating.  When he opened his eyes, he pulled Kurt into a hug.  

 

“Happy New Year, Kurt!” Finn said his own voice sounding strange to his ears.  

 

Kurt didn’t respond right away other than to tighten his hold on Finn.  When he finally let go of Finn, he didn’t look up at Finn or begin a barrage of questions like Finn was anticipating.  Instead, Kurt tucked himself in under Finn’s arm again and patted him lightly on the chest.  

 

“Let’s go home,” he said simply.    

 

The brothers retraced their earlier steps into the heart of Manhattan in an almost awkward silence until they passed the diner where they had eaten a couple of hours prior.  Finn could tell Kurt was cold.  

 

“Wanna go in and grab another hot chocolate?” he offered.  

 

Kurt said nothing, but allowed himself to be pulled into the diner.  Charlie spotted the boys and waved at them from the table she was clearing.  When Finn attempted to move them over to a booth, Kurt planted his feet and shook his head.  

 

“To go,” he started simply.  “Your flight back to Lima is tomorrow and it’s going to take us a while to get back to the loft as it is.”

 

Finn nodded his agreement and tilted his head towards the cash register.  Charlie appeared almost instantaneously.  “How was Times Square?” she smiled at Finn.

 

“Loud, crowded, noisy, congested, but fun,”  Finn related.  “I’m glad we went.”   He could feel Kurt’s eyes on him.  “But it was cold.  I’m cold; Kurt here is probably downright frozen, and I really don’t want to crawl into bed beside a human popsicle tonight.”

 

In his head, that sentence had seemed funny.  Instead, it just stirred up that unsettled feeling a little more and made Kurt stiffen beside him.  To her credit, Charlie didn’t seem to react at all.

 

“Two more hot chocolates coming right up boys.” She smiled graciously.  “To go?” she inquired and Finn nodded his head.  

 

Finn reached back into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, pulling out a couple of dollars and putting them on the counter.  Kurt had moved from under Finn’s arm once they stepped into the diner, and he was currently leaning against the wall, staring at his boots.  Charlie came over with the two cups of hot chocolate to go and inclined her head towards Kurt.  

 

“Did he not have a good time?”  Charlie asked as she took Finn’s money and watched as he deposited the change in her tip jar.

 

Finn shook his head.  “No, I think he had an ok time.  There’s just…” Finn paused as he struggled to find the right word, “..a lot of stuff going on.  With him...with us… in general.”  Finn picked up the two cups without lids and held one out towards Kurt.  

 

“Hot chocolate time,” Finn said, and Kurt looked up from studying his boots.

 

Kurt approached Finn, removing his gloves and shoving them into the pocket of his coat.  

 

“Thanks,” he mumbled as he reached out with his index finger and scooped off the whipped cream and then sucked the finger into his mouth.  “Happy New Year Charlie.” Kurt capped the lid on his hot chocolate and made his way towards the door.  

 

“I guess that’s my cue,” Finn said as he watched Kurt exit the diner.  “Maybe I’ll see you here again next time I’m in town.”

 

“Here,” Charlie plucked a business card from the holder beside the register, “just give a call, and they should be able to tell you when I’m working.”  Finn noticed Charlie was watching Kurt out on the sidewalk.  “See if you can’t get him to come in from time to time even if you’re not around.  I’ll take care of him for ya.”

 

Finn could feel his cheeks heat with a blush.  Not knowing quite how to respond to that, Finn opted just to nod and smile.  “I’ll try.  Happy New Year!”  Finn waved over his shoulder as he joined Kurt out on the sidewalk.  As soon as Finn had crossed the threshold, Kurt began walking.  Finn caught up no problem but as he stretched out his arm around Kurt’s shoulders, Kurt side-stepped Finn and away from him.  

 

“There isn’t a crowd anymore and thanks to the hot chocolate, I’m plenty warm now,” Kurt explained.  He kept walking, taking sips of his beverage and avoiding Finn’s eyes.  

 

“O-kay then,” Finn drawled as he followed behind Kurt, drinking his hot chocolate and trying hard not to think about why he almost felt naked without Kurt pressed up against him.  He was also trying not to think about how he had possibly ruined things between him and Kurt again if Kurt’s icy demeanor was any indication.  Finn knew that his younger self would have never guessed how important Kurt Hummel would become to him- as his brother and pretty much his best friend.  

 

Kurt was still in frosty mode when they returned to the loft, and Finn was torn between wanting to pout about it and wanting to scream at Kurt about it.  Finn figured neither was a good idea.  He could leave it all up to Kurt, but Finn suspected that might actually cause more problems.  After they had shed their outerwear and hung it up on the rack by the door to the loft, Finn followed Kurt to his room.   Finn stood in the doorway and crossed and then uncrossed his arms in front of his chest.  

 

“Look, we both know I’m not the smartest guy in the crowd and I often do and say things without really thinking them through because it feels right at the time,” Finn said.  “But I’ve got hours; just hours left here dude, and up until now, I’ve pretty much had a great Christmas if you leave Burt’s health out of it.”

 

Kurt turned from where he was standing at his dresser with a pair of real pajama pants and long sleeve shirt in his hand.  He tilted his head to the side and looked at Finn like he was seeing him for the first time.  He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again several times before he actually said anything.  It was the most flustered Finn could ever recall seeing Kurt.  

 

“Do you realize that you essentially told the cute, bubbly waitress that you were going to sleep with me tonight?”  Kurt’s voice was soft and choked with emotion.    

 

“As soon as the words left my mouth I realized that they were probably not the best choice,” Finn admitted.  “But it’s the truth.  I do plan on crawling into that bed with you tonight and snuggling.  I would prefer it if you weren’t a human popsicle.” Finn smiled sadly.  “Sure, maybe it’s weird, except that it doesn’t really feel weird to me."  Finn shook his head, "I don't know how to explain it.  But if someone thinks it's weird or something , well that’s their problem, not ours.”  Finn sighed loudly.  “I don’t really care what some waitress in a diner thinks of me, thinks of us.  Although FYI dude, I totally think she thinks we’re together ‘together’ and she doesn’t seem bothered by it.”

 

“You know I could care less what someone else thinks of me, Finn,” Kurt said.  “But you, you’ve always cared.  And I care about what people think of you.  I don’t want people to get the wrong impression about you because of me.”

 

“You know what I’ve learned, Kurt?” Finn asked.  “If someone is going to judge me because of you, because you’re gay- because we’re friends, because you’re my brother, because we are close- then fuck them!  I’m not going to be able to stop them from thinking that way.”  Finn stepped into the room and closer to Kurt.  “But I can stop letting it bother me.”

 

Kurt took a deep breath and nodded.  “You kissed me, at midnight, on New Years Eve, in public,” he accused.  

 

Finn sighed as he grabbed Kurt by the biceps and held onto him, keeping them an arms distance apart.  “You were the one complaining about not having someone to kiss at midnight,” Finn said.  “It was just a kiss, on the forehead, which I’ve done dozens of times.    And we were surrounded by thousands of people kissing.”  Finn could feel the coldness still coming off Kurt, and he frowned slightly.  “I know, you probably would have preferred to be with someone else; Blaine, Adam, some amazing gay guy in the future, but I don’t know; I just kinda felt like there was no one else I would have wanted to spend tonight with dude.  And the only place I would have wanted to be was where you were.”

 

Kurt’s eyes were damp, and a couple of tears snaked down his still rosy and wind chapped cheeks.  Finn reached out and dried the tears with the pad of his thumb.  “Please don’t cry,” he pleaded.  

 

Kurt nodded and bit at his lip as he blinked rapidly a few times trying to clear his eyes.  “There is no one else I wanted to be with tonight either Finn,” he said softly and he took another step closer to him.

 

“Shit Kurt, you’re still ice cold,” Finn complained.   

 

Kurt shrugged.  “I know.  That’s why I pulled out the long pyjama pants and a long sleeved tee for tonight.”

 

“You know that’s not the best way to warm yourself up right?”  Finn asked.  “It’s going to be weird, but I’m putting it out there.  As much skin to skin contact as possible, boxers and tees or just boxers and under the same blankets.”  

 

“Finn,” Kurt began to protest but Finn cut him off with a finger over his lips.

 

“I don’t want to go home knowing you’re here suffering with a cold alone.  Let me help warm you up.”

 

Kurt finally nodded, and Finn let go of him and they moved each to their side of the bed and undressed with their backs to each other.  Finn was undressed first and slid in under all the blankets.   When Kurt finished, he got into bed under the mountains of blankets he reached over and shut off the lamp.  Finn had his arm stretched out already for Kurt to tuck himself back into the side of Finn’s body like he had for most of the night.  Kurt pillowed his head against Finn’s chest.  

 

Finn reached over and softly pressed another kiss to Kurt’s forehead.  “Happy New Year, Kurt.”

 

“Happy New Year, Finn,” Kurt exclaimed.  He lifted his head and moved to kiss Finn on the cheek. However, the uneasy feeling in Finn's stomach had returned, and there was a tiny voice inside Finn's head urging him on.  He turned his head slightly, resolving not to chicken out this time, and instead of Kurt's planned kiss on the cheek; their lips ended up colliding in a kiss.  Finn almost expected Kurt to pull away instantly but instead he seemed almost too stunned to move; Kurt continued to press his lips against Finn’s.  

 

Finn’s brought his left hand up gently to cup Kurt’s cheek as he continued to kiss Kurt. This was different; this was new, but it was good, in fact, Kurt was a very good kisser. Surprisingly, Finn was enjoying the unexpected kiss, especially when  Kurt made a breathy little moan like sound before he finally pulled away, his eyes wide.  Finn laughed softly; then he pressed his lips to Kurt’s once more, a little more chastely.  He rubbed his hands over the chilled skin of Kurt’s back and arms.  “Good night, Kurt- sweet dreams.”  

 


	3. Tangled in my Thoughts

[](http://minus.com/i/cDGWAlheOJ4b)

 

“You never did say how New York was,” Puck said as he tossed the football to Finn.  

 

Finn was sitting on the futon in his new dorm room, hanging out with Puck and trying not to think too much about New York; about Kurt.  Finn felt his face flush at Puck’s question though, so he dropped his head and spun the football around in his hands.  “New York was good.  It was Christmas, and you know I love Christmas.  It’s my favorite time of the year.”

 

“Was it weird to be there without Rachel?” Puck flopped down on Finn's bed  and stretched out.

 

“No,” Finn shook his head.  “It was like she wasn’t even there.  Ever.  We didn’t really talk about her at all.  There were other, more important things to talk about.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Turns out Burt and Mom had a reason to want Kurt and I together for the holidays.”  Finn looked up at Puck.  “Burt has cancer.  Prostate cancer.  He’s going to start treatment this week.”

 

“Shit dude, I’m sorry,” Puck said.  He reached out and patted Finn’s knee comfortingly.  “I’ve gotta say I’m shocked Kurt stayed in New York then.”

 

“If he thought he would have gotten away with it, I’m sure he would have come back home.  But he knows Mom, and I are going to take care of Burt, so it’s not like Burt’s alone here.”

 

“Meanwhile, who is watching out for Kurt?" Puck asked. "You remember how he was the first time Burt got sick.”  

 

Finn groaned and tilted his head back, resting it on the back of the futon.   “Ugh, I don’t know. I didn’t even think about that before.”  Finn groaned again and sat up, rubbing his hands over his eyes.  Thinking about Kurt was difficult enough.  Finn felt a little bad for what had happened between them, and that they hadn't had  time to talk about it.  The  thing was Finn felt like he had no idea what was going on inside his own head anymore.  Suddenly there were butterflies and an uneasiness in his stomach, there were almost flirty texts and conversations, there was cuddling and kissing.  Finn was beginning to think he might have feelings he never expected to have.  

 

But then to add Kurt being alone and afraid for his Dad; add in the fact that Finn was supposed to be the strong one of the two of them; that he should be supporting Kurt right now, not tumbling him into more of a mess.   The level of guilt Finn felt was astronomical.   “Can we not talk about this?  Can we not talk about Kurt and New York anymore?”

 

“Sheesh, chill Finnessa.”  Puck looked at his friend.  “Have you met your roommate yet?”

 

“Nah,” Finn shrugged.  “The RA says he’s in California until later today.”  Finn considered the football still in his hands.  He held it as if to throw it again.  “Did you spend any of the holiday break with Jake?  How is that working for you, suddenly having a brother?”

 

Puck indicated with his hands that Finn should just throw the damn ball and when he did, Puck caught it easily before tossing it back.    “Yeah, we spent some time together and hung out and shit.  I figure if anyone knows what it’s like to suddenly gain a brother though, it’s you.”

 

Finn rolled his eyes.  “One, I don’t think we can really compare Jake and Kurt.  And two, you are actually related to Jake.”  He tossed the football back to Puck.

 

Puck caught the ball and shrugged.  “It’s kinda weird but also kinda cool that he’s in the New Directions too.  And I mean, I know I have the moves, but the kids mad talented when it comes to dance.  Took lessons and shit even.  It’s like combining me and Mike.”

Puck tossed the ball back to Finn.

 

“Whoa,” Finn exclaimed.  Before he could say anything else, the door to the dorm room opened.  Finn looked at the guy standing in the doorway.

 

“Well, hello,” the blonde said as he pulled in a rolling suitcase. He looked from Finn to Puck.  “I’m assuming one of you must be Finn Hudson.”

 

Finn stood up and tossed the football at Puck.  He extended his hand to the blonde.  “I’m Finn.  You must be my roommate- Travis right?”  Finn noticed the other guy was about Puck’s height but more broad, like Sam but graceful and lean like Mike.  He was tan, blonde and had huge green eyes.  

 

“Travis Harrison,” he said, shaking Finn’s hand.  “It’s good to meet you.”  Travis turned to Puck, who was twirling the football in his hands.  “And you are?”

 

“Everyone calls me Puck.” he said as he dropped the football on Finn’s bed and shook Travis’ hand.  “Finn and me have been friends since we were kids.”

 

“Cool,” Travis nodded.  “Are you going to school here too?”

 

“No,” Puck chuckled.  “College isn’t my thing.  Thought I might hang out with my boy here though and work on my screenplay.”

 

“By which Puck means, he’s hoping to hang out with me and pick up college chicks,” Finn said.  

 

000

 

“Happy New Year, Kurt!” Blaine’s voice crackled through his laptop’s speakers.  

 

“Happy New Year to you too!” Kurt sighed as he sat down on the couch and tucked his feet under himself, settling the laptop on his legs.  “Sorry, I didn’t have a chance to Skype or really talk to you during the holidays, but my holiday plans changed quite dramatically since last time we skyped.”

 

“Sure, no problem,” Blaine replied with a shrug.  “How long did everyone stay?”

 

“Dad and Carole headed back to DC a couple of days after Christmas.  Dad had some things to take care of.  Finn left New Years Day.”  Kurt chewed on his lower lip nervously.

 

“Well, that sounds like a nice visit for you and Finn.  Did you guys do anything on New Years Eve?” Blaine asked.  

 

Kurt nodded.  “We had dinner at a little greasy spoon and then went to Times Square.  It was crowded and loud and cold but at least now I can say I’ve been.  What about you?  What did you do for New Years Eve?”

 

“Obviously I wasn’t invited to the Warbler bash this year,” Blaine joked.  “So I invited Sam, Brittany and Tina over.  We each brought one movie and had a movie marathon in our pjs with sleeping bags, pillows and so much junk food my stomach still hurts.”

 

“Oh, what movies did everyone bring?” Kurt asked.  

 

Blaine laughed.  “It turns out we all brought a movie we got for Christmas.  Sam brought ‘The Amazing Spiderman’, which was better than I thought, even if Tina and I had to try to pretend we didn’t notice Britt and Sam making out the whole time.”  Blaine sighed. “Tina brought ‘The Odd Life of Timothy Green’, which was quite good, but I don’t think Brit or Sam liked much. Brittney brought ‘Arthur Christmas’ which we’d all seen and it made Brit cry.  I had ‘Men in Black III’ .”

 

“That sounds like an interesting night.”  

 

Blaine shrugged.  “It was fun but not particularly festive.  Especially compared to the great time you probably had in Times Square with Finn,” Blaine said.  

 

Kurt felt his cheeks flush at the memories of New Years Eve with Finn.  “Yeah, Finn was really great company.”  

 

Kurt looked down, not wanting to meet Blaine’s eyes through the computer screen.  It didn’t feel right to Kurt to talk to Blaine about Finn, but they hadn't had a chance to talk about it before Finn had left either, and Kurt was feeling a little overwhelmed.   But just thinking about New Years Eve, about kissing Finn, made Kurt smile.

 

“Blaine, have you ever had a crush on one of your straight friends?”  Kurt asked.  

 

Blaine’s eyes widened a little and his cheeks tinged pink.  

 

Oh, right, Kurt thought to himself, Sam.

 

“Ye-eah,” Blaine stammered.  “I have.”

 

“How do you make yourself not mistake their friendly gestures as romantic overtures?” Kurt asked.  

 

Blaine looked at Kurt and tilted his head.  “It’s not easy.  Especially when you are really close friends.  I just have to keep reminding myself that my friend is straight; we’re just friends and I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

 

“Yeah.  That’s smart.” Kurt smiled a little as he nodded.  “It’s difficult sometimes though, when they do something special, and you know they did that because they care and you just wish they felt the same way you do.”

 

Blaine nodded.  “How did you get past all of this with Finn back when you had your crush on him?”

 

Kurt laughed as his cheeks flushed with color again.  “Umm, there was the fact that we were about to become a family, and there was a better option of someone to transfer my feelings towards.  A guy that was gay and would sing all the flirty duets I wanted.”

 

“Oh, ok.”  Blaine laughed.  “Maybe that’s a good idea also.  Just remember that nothing good is going to come from crushing on your straight guy friend.  You’re going to get hurt, and you could lose a great friendship too.  You matter Kurt.”

 

“I know, I know.  And thanks Blaine, for being a friend.  I’ve missed this, with you,” Kurt said softly.

 

“I’ve missed you, Kurt.”  Blaine smiled.  “Did you have a good time with your family during the holidays?"

 

Kurt nodded.  “There was a reason that Dad wanted us all together though.” Kurt looked down and then up again at Blaine’s face.  “Can you do something else for me Blaine?”

 

Blaine tilted his head as he looked at Kurt on the computer screen.  “Sure, anything Kurt.”

 

“Dad told me, told us that he has prostate cancer.  That’s why he and Carole went back to DC right away.  He needed to finish some stuff before he starts his chemo next week,” Kurt explained.  

 

Blaine’s eyes were damp when Kurt looked at the screen.  “Oh Kurt, I’m so sorry.  What can I do?”

 

“Can you just help keep an eye on him?” Soft sobs racked Kurt’s body.  “I know Carole and Finn are going to be there but I know you’ll be honest with me.  Right?”

 

“Of course, Kurt.”  Blaine said.  

 

“I wanted to come home, but everyone thinks that is unnecessary.”  Kurt hiccupped.

 

“It is Kurt.”  Blaine agreed.  “You’ve got NYADA and Vogue in New York.  You’ve got Carole, Finn and me here in Lima making sure your Dad is taken care of.  And your dad is strong, and they make cancer treatment breakthroughs all the time.”

 

“Thank you, Blaine,” Kurt said softly.

 

000

 

“So your friend Puck,” Travis said later that night as he sat on the futon and Finn was sitting at his desk replying to an email from Kurt. “You guys are pretty close?”

 

“Like brothers really,” Finn said.  “If you don’t count most of sophomore year.”  

 

“What happened sophomore year?” Travis asked.

 

“He slept with my girlfriend Quinn, she got pregnant and tried to pass it off as mine.  I thought it had pretty much destroyed our friendship and almost destroyed something that would become very special to us.”  Finn sighed and spun around on his chair to face Travis.  

 

“Sophomore year is also pretty much when I gained an actual brother.”

 

“Wow, you have a way younger brother, that’s cool.” Travis said.

 

Finn shook his head.  “No, actually Kurt is older than me.  But in sophomore year his dad started dating my mom.  And by the end of the year we had moved in with them."

 

“Oh, step-brothers.” Travis smiled.

 

“Yeah, but we’re close.  And everyone just calls us brothers usually.” Finn said.

 

“You guys were friends before your parents got together?” Travis asked.

 

Finn leaned back on his chair and laughed heartily.  “No, not really.  I mean I was the quarterback of the football team, dating the head cheerleader at the beginning of sophomore year.  And Puck, he and some of the other guys on the teams were tossing kids in the dumpsters, tossing slushies in their faces, nailing their lawn furniture to the roof, pelting them with pee balloons.  I wasn’t really participating like the others were, but I wasn’t doing anything to stop it.  I wasn’t being a real leader you know, just because I was afraid they might all turn on me too.  But Kurt was one of their main targets back then.”

 

Travis’s face was lined with confusion.  “I’m suddenly not so fond of your friend, Finn.”

 

“Nah, Puck’s cool now.  It took a while.  It took well, everything that happened Sophomore and then the beginning of Junior year, but we’re all changed now.  Partially because of Kurt.”  Finn was quiet for a few moments, and he smiled softly as he stared off in the distance.  

 

“What about you?” he asked Travis.  “Any siblings?”

 

Travis nodded.  “Two younger sisters.  Tara is sixteen and Tennille is thirteen.”  Travis walked over to his desk  and picked up a framed picture and held it out to Finn.  “That’s us last year at my high school graduation.”

 

Finn whistled.  “They’re very pretty.  You are going to have your hands full being the protective big brother to those two.”

 

“Don’t I know it,” Travis chuckled.  “What do you know about being a big brother though?  I thought you said Kurt was older,” Travis joked.

 

“Only by a couple of months though and well, wait a second,”  Finn started tapping away at his keyboard again and brought up a picture of Kurt and Finn standing with Burt and Carole at the wedding.  “That’s Kurt- my little big brother.”

 

“Ah, I gotcha.” Travis nodded as he leaned over Finn’s shoulder. “Although really who doesn’t look small compared to a strapping young man such as you?” He asked as he gently patted Finn’s shoulder.

 

Finn turned his head and blinked a couple of times at Travis before he laughed nervously.  “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

Travis immediately retreated back to his desk and put the photo of his sisters back on his desk.  “Sorry about that,” he mumbled awkwardly.  “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable when I said that.”

 

“Nah, it’s ok dude.  It was just; it was a very Kurt thing you said.  And I kind of miss him, you know?” Finn swiveled on his chair to look at his roommate again.  

 

“Where is he? Is he going to school too?” Travis asked.

 

Finn nodded and smiled brightly.  He reached for his NYADA cup on his desk and held it up.  “He’s in New York, going to NYADA.  That’s the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts.  We just spent Christmas with him there.”

 

Travis’ eyes widened with surprise.  “Wow, that sounds kind of impressive.”

 

Finn nodded and smiled.  

 

“Ok, so I know about your best friend, Puck, your brother Kurt.  Is there a significant other I should hear all about as well?” Travis asked.

 

Finn tilted his head and looked at Travis for a couple of moments before he grinned slightly.  “Oh, you mean like a girlfriend.  Nah, there is no one really right now.  I’ve got an ex- girlfriend, Rachel, and she is in New York too with Kurt at NYADA.  And I mean it was supposed to be the three of us there in New York.  Me, my wife and my brother.”  Finn paused for a minute. “Shit, I keep calling Rachel my ex-girlfriend but I guess technically she’s my ex-fiance.”

 

Travis gulped.  “What happened?” he asked softly.  

 

“To Rach and I?” Finn asked as Travis nodded.  “Her dreams were always bigger than mine and I couldn’t stand to hold her back.  I’m not talented like her and Kurt.  When I didn’t get into my New York school, I couldn’t let me hold her back in any way.  So I sent her off on a train alone, and I joined the army.”  Finn sighed.  “I used to think that one day, someday, maybe we’d find our way back to each other because that's kinda been our pattern over the last three years.   But we’re not even really speaking right now.  I mean I love her and probably will always love her in some way but …” Finn trailed off and rested his head against his hand on the desk.  

 

“Wait,”Travis said as he shook his head.  “If you joined the army, why are you here right now?”

 

Finn’s face reddened.  “Shot myself in the leg.  Got discharged.  Showed up in New York and Rach was pretty much already dating someone new.”

 

“Ouch,” Travis nodded sympathetically.  

 

“As Kurt would say ‘It almost makes you want to give up girls all together’,” Finn joked.

 

Travis sputtered for a few moments before he laughed his agreement.

 

“What about you?” Finn asked.  “Do you have a girlfriend or something?”

 

Travis looked at Finn for a moment and considered how to answer, but in the end he went with the safe route.  “No, I’m single.”

 

“Then I guess you’ll just have to join Puck and on when we go out, and we can be each other’s wingmen.”  Finn replied matter of factly.

 

Travis tried not to choke as he answered.  “Sure, we might be able to do that.”

 

000

 

“Kurt Hummel.  What are you doing here on your first day of classes?”  Isabelle asked from her desk when Kurt appeared in her doorway.  

 

“My first day of classes is done, but I’ve got something on my mind and I need to talk it out with someone because it’s kept me pretty distracted all day.”  Kurt closed the door behind him and slid into a chair opposite Isabelle.  

 

“Kurt if it’s about something here, just let me know and we’ll get it taken care of, “ Isabelle said.  “You’ve pretty much finished up everything you were working on.”

 

“It’s not about work.  I just, I can’t really talk to anyone else about this because it’s not just about me,” Kurt confessed.  

 

Isabelle nodded. “Okay,so this is personal.”

 

Kurt chewed on the corner of his lip as he nodded, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. “Ok, so my dad brought us all together for the holidays because he has cancer and I should be freaking out about that.  But it’s like my mind can only handle one freak out at a time and it’s focusing on something else at the moment.”

 

“Kurt,” Isabelle began, “I’m so sorry to hear about your dad.  Let me know if I can do anything to help.”

 

Kurt nodded sadly.  “I should be worried about this.  That would be normal.  That would be the expected outcome.  But instead I am worked up over something so unexpected that I think I might have made it all up.”  Kurt sighed.  “Every time I think I am one hundred percent over him, he does something and I wonder if I’ll ever be over him.”

 

“Okay, so what has Blaine done now?” Isabelle asked.

 

“It wasn’t Blaine,” Kurt said sheepishly.

 

“Oh,” Isabelle said.  “Oh!”  Her eyes widened.  “Finn Hudson.”

 

“Finn Hudson indeed.” Kurt nodded.  “The loft isn’t a big place you know. We don’t even have bedrooms.  Just curtained off areas around our beds.  So when Dad and Carole and Finn showed up, Dad and Carole stayed in Rachel’s room because she was off on a cruise with her dads.  And Finn was going to stay on the couch but I mean it’s barely big enough for three people to sit on, Finn couldn’t really sleep on it.”  Kurt was rambling, his voice getting higher in pitch and his speech increasing in speed.  

 

Isabelle stood up and walked around her desk  and sat on the corner of it, closer to Kurt, taking one of his hands in her’s trying to calm him.  

 

“It’s not like it was back when our parents first got together and he freaked out about sharing a room with the gay kid from school.  That’s not who I am to him anymore.  So we shared a bed, my bed.  It was more comfortable than sleeping on the floor or the couch.”  Kurt pulled his hand from Isabelles and started pacing back forth in the office.  “It shouldn’t have been a big deal.  We’ve shared a bed before, on glee club trips because Mr. Schue felt more comfortable with me sleeping with either the girls or my brother.  And I know when I’ve slept in with the girls, Finn has slept with other guys like Puck or Sam.”

 

Kurt turned and looked at Isabelle.  “I sleep with a lot of blankets on my bed.  I didn’t use to, but as Blaine and I got more comfortable around each other, and after spending evenings or nights cuddled together, I just tried to recreate that feeling of warmth and safeness even when he was not around.”  Kurt started pacing again.  “Finn had to ask about it, about the blankets.  And I told him, figuring what’s the worst that could happen.  I sure didn’t expect him to offer to cuddle with me; to hold me while I slept.”

 

“Nine nights Isabelle, nine nights we slept either spooned together or me curled into his side using his chest as a pillow. The first night after Dad and Carole left for DC,  Finn went and stayed in  Rachel’s room. I slept like shit because I tossed and turned all night.  I was cold and lonely and I couldn’t get comfortable and I knew he was just across the loft.”  Kurt sat down on the couch in Isabelle’s office and rested his head on his hands and knees.  “He’s been gone three days and it’s been the same.  I’ve had to start taking the Ambien again at night.”

 

“Oh Kurt, honey,” Isabelle said.  She sat down beside him on the couch.  “That was nice of him though, and sweet.  He obviously lo-cares for you so very much.  I’m sure it’s easy to fall back into that place where he fills your heart, but it’s not good for you to keep doing this to yourself.”  

 

Kurt looked over at Isabelle, his eyes bright and a grimace on his face.  “Wait, it get’s better. Or worse depending on how you look at it.”  Kurt sighed.  “There was kissing.  At first just friendly, brotherly pecks on the cheeks, on the forehead.  You know thank you for the Christmas gift, or  oh we’re standing under mistletoe.  We went down to Times Square New Years Eve.  And I might have made an offhanded comment about not having anyone to kiss at midnight and he kissed me; on the forehead.  But for a second, it seemed like he was going for my lips, but then he moved to my forehead.  This, after pretty much walking around with an arm around me all night so we wouldn’t get separated.” Kurt shook his head.  “And then later, back at the loft, he kissed me again on the forehead and then I went to kiss him on the cheek good night, he turned his head and I ended up kissing him full on the lips.  And, he didn’t pull away.  There was a second kiss after that too, and I don’t think I was the one that initiated it, but it’s all kinds of hazy.”

 

Kurt groaned as he leaned back against the couch and let his head fall back.  “We haven’t talked about it.  I didn’t know what to say and he left the next the day, pretty early.  He kissed me again at the airport too.  Just on the forehead that time but God Isabelle, when I replay the holidays in my mind, I feel like Finn was always kissing me.”   Kurt laughed darkly.  “I know it’s just all in my head.”

 

“Well, the kiss on the lips, was it good?” Isabelle asked with a twinkling smile.

 

Kurt just stared at Isabelle for a few moments before shaking his head and smirking slightly.  “Considering it was just a closed mouth kiss, but it somehow was better than I ever imagined, I’d say it was pretty incredible.” Kurt said.

 

“And you’re sure he’s not attracted to you or to guys at all?”

 

“I had my doubts when we were in high school but I am pretty sure that was just me projecting my own feelings onto him.  In high school, Finn was always quick to reassure me that boobs, he likes boobs.  And no matter how in love I might be with him, that’s not something I’m going to do for him.”  Kurt sighed as he sat up straighter.  “I mean, it’s Finn.  He just does these things for the people he cares about, and as long as he thinks he is making them happy, that’s all he really thinks about.  And this is probably all this is.  Just Finn being Finn.”

 

“So now how do you tell him that while it’s been lovely, he’s breaking your heart all over again.”  Isabelle nodded.

 

“Exactly.”  

 

000

 

“How did you end up at school here if you’re from California?” Finn asked Travis a couple of nights later as they each sat at their desks working on assignments.  

 

Travis swiveled around to look at Finn.  “I actually grew up in Ohio; in Willard.  But my parents divorced when I was fourteen, and the girls were eleven and eight.  Our dad lives in California and we spend the summer with him and sometimes during the holidays too.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Finn said.  “Puck went to LA for a while after graduation, when I left for the army.  But he came back, and I came back and he’s never mentioned LA again.  I think he might still be mad that I turned him down senior year.  He thought we should go together.  He knew Rach and I weren’t going to last.  Everyone did.”

 

“You went to McKinley right?” Travis asked.

 

Finn nodded.  “Yup that’s us.  Home of the Titans.”

 

“Why aren’t you playing college ball if you were the quarterback since sophomore year?”Travis asked.  

 

Finn shrugged.  “Don’t know man.  I guess I just wasn’t good enough for anything other than high school ball.”

 

“I heard something about a bunch of the football team there being part of the show choir and a gay kicker and dance routines on the field.”

 

Finn scowled at Travis; he couldn’t help it the second he heard gay and kicker that of course was Kurt and even though Finn didn’t think Travis meant anything by it, his protective instinct was kicking in.  “For a while sophomore year, Kurt was our kicker.  That was probably whom you heard about.  He taught us how to work together as a team by teaching us a routine to Single Ladies.  He kicked the winning field goal in the only game we won all year.”  Finn took down a football covered in writing and tossed it at Travis.  

 

“Junior year, we got a new coach, a female coach and she whipped us into a real team, but there was this big divide between the glee guys on the team and the others.  So coach and Mr. Schue has us all work together and we did a half time show at the homecoming game to a mash-up of Thriller and Heads Will Roll, including all the Glee kids, a couple of cheerleaders, and the football team.”  Finn sighed.  “We went all the way and won it all that year in football.  And the glee club they made it to Nationals in New York and came in twelfth out fifty.  Last year though, last year they went all the way and won it all.” Finn smiled softly.  

 

Travis looked at Finn.  “Were you in the Glee club?”

 

Finn nodded.  “We all were.  Me, Puck, Kurt, Rachel, Quinn.  Here, hang on.”  Finn stood up and pulled down his senior thunderclap, tucked inside was a photo of all of them onstage, celebrating with their trophy, amid falling confetti. “See there’s Puck and that’s Quinn.  Brittany and Santana are the two girls kissing there”, Finn pointed out the other two cheerleaders. “That’s Mercedes and Sam.  Artie’s in the wheelchair, Tina and Mike beside him.  That’s Joe with the dreadlocks next to Quinn and Sugar next to him.  There’s Kurt and his now ex-boyfriend Blaine.  And Rachel with me.”

 

“She’s so tiny,” Travis joked.  

 

Finn laughed.  “She really is.  But she is one of the most talented people I know, don’t let her size fool you.”

 

“And Kurt,” Travis began, “you said he has an ex-boyfriend.  He’s gay?”

 

Finn nodded.  “ If you’ve got something rude to say about that, I don’t want to hear it.  Or else I’m going to have to educate you.  Because Kurt might not be here, but I’ve still got his back.  And Kurt is gay but he’s taught me more about everything including how to be a man than anyone else.”

 

Travis smiled at Finn.  “Don’t worry, I won’t.”  Travis put a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Do you know why I needed a roommate half way through the year?”

 

Finn shrugged.  “I figured someone flunked out right away or didn’t like living in dorms or something,  I don’t know.”

 

Travis nodded.  “The guy living here first half, he didn’t ‘appreciate’ living with me.”

 

Finn’s brows furrowed.  “I know it’s only been a couple of days but you’re pretty easy to get along with and live with.”

 

“That’s not what he meant Finn.” Travis said.  “He didn’t appreciate living with a someone who was gay.”

 

“Oh,” Finn said frowning.  “Oh,” he repeated his expression softening.  “That was crappy of him.  But yeah, ok, I don’t have a problem with that.”  Finn was quiet for a few moments.  “Hey, Travis?”

 

“Yeah, Finn?”

 

“You’re not going to, I don’t know, like hit on…”

 

“...you? No.”  Travis laughed.  “I don’t think we need that drama.”

 

Finn laughed too.  “I actually meant Kurt.  He’s coming to visit in February and I’ll probably skype with him a bit before then.  I mean, not that you’re not cool.  But his break up with Blaine is still kind of recent and...” Finn trailed off before he started confessing his own confusing emotions surrounding Kurt recently.  

 

“Kurt’s not really my type.  Truth be told, you are probably closer to my type. Tall, dark, into sports.” Travis admitted.

 

Finn laughed again.  “You and Kurt both.  He had such a crush on me at first.  It’s actually how our parents were introduced.  Kurt’s little matchmaking scheme so we’d have to spend more time together.   Moving in together did not exactly go according to his plan though.”

 

Travis chuckled as he shook his head.  “I hope you at least let him down easily Finn.”

 

Finn shook his head.  “I wish I was that smart.  I was stupid and foolish and almost ruined a bunch of really good relationships with careless words spoken in anger and fear.”  Finn took a couple of deep breaths.  He stood up, shoving his phone into his pocket and grabbing his jacket.  “I’m going to go for a walk and call Kurt and apologize again for what a stupid, stupid person I was then.”

 

“I’m sure he knows Finn,” Travis said. “Not that you’re stupid or were stupid.” Travis blinked.  “But that you are sorry.”

 

“But what if being sorry isn’t enough?” Finn whispered as he walked out of the dorm room.  

 

000

 

Finn walked across campus, with no particular destination in mind.  He just walked as he tried to sort out his thoughts before he actually called Kurt.  They’d exchanged a couple of texts and random Facebook postings since Finn had left New York, but they hadn’t addressed what had happened that last night.  Finn was partially shocked that Kurt wasn’t hounding him about it, but at the same time he was grateful for Kurt’s consideration.  

 

Finn pushed the door open at Somethings Brewin’ and stepped into the small campus coffee shop.  There was music playing in the background and the two employees were packing up the last of the Christmas decorations.  He stepped up to the counter and looked at the menu written on large chalkboards above it.  

 

“What can I get for you?” the guy behind the counter asked.

 

“Extra large hot chocolate, extra whipped cream and 4 of those biscotti cookies.”  Finn pulled a ten dollar bill out of his wallet and slid it across the counter to the guy.  

 

He leaned against the counter while he waited for his order and scanned the little coffee shop for somewhere isolated to sit so he could have a little privacy while he talked to Kurt.  In one of the corners was a little two person table with windows in front of it and one side of it.  Finn pulled his phone out of his pocket, thumbing through his contacts until he found his brother.  

 

Finn wasn’t one to play with the settings on his phone much, not like Kurt or Rachel or even his mom so the picture of Kurt happened to be the one Kurt had snapped of himself when he’d first given Finn his number back in sophomore year.  Sometimes it was like Kurt was a completely different person than he was back then.  Sometimes Finn felt like a different person too.  And deep down Finn knew the truth was that they were both different people in many ways.  Finn wasn’t sure if those differences were a good thing or a bad thing.  

 

“One extra large hot choc with extra whip and biscotti cookies,” the guy said, snapping Finn out of his thoughts.  “Here, take one of these candy canes and stir the hot chocolate with it.  We’re just going to have to throw them out anyway.” He held out a glass jar with half a dozen candy canes still in it.  Finn pocketed his phone again before he pulled out a green spearmint candy cane and smiled his thanks before taking his order over to the table near the windows.  

 

Finn sat down and shrugged out his jacket, hanging it over the back of the other chair.  He unwrapped the candy cane and slipped it into the hot chocolate.  He swiped his finger across the top of the drink and gathered a dollop of whipped cream before he sucked it into his mouth.  Finn pulled his phone from his pocket again and dialed Kurt, absently stirring his hot chocolate while he waited for Kurt to answer.

 

“Finn!”  Kurt’s voice was excited and breathless in Finn’s ear through the phone, and he shivered.

 

“Hey, Kurt.  Bad time?” Finn asked.

 

“Not at all.  Just unexpected.  How are you?  How have your first days of classes been?”  Kurt asked joyfully.  Finn could hear shuffling in the background, like maybe Kurt had gone into his little partitioned area of the loft and was sitting back against the pillows on his bed.  

 

Finn laughed a little a Kurt’s enthusiasm.  “I’m good.  Classes are okay.  How are you?  How are your classes?”  

 

“I’m good,” Kurt replied.  “Classes were great.”

 

They were both silent for a few moments, and Finn took a rather large sip of his hot chocolate and a bite of his biscotti.  “Sorry,” he mumbled into the phone.  “I’m having some biscotti and hot chocolate at the coffee place on campus.”

 

“At 8:45 at night?”  Kurt asked, worry evident in his voice.  “Are you not getting along with your new roommate?”

 

“No.  No, Travis is great.” Finn explained.  “We had a great talk earlier tonight. And then I started thinking about some stuff, remembering some stuff and I just wanted to check in with you.  Apologize to you.”

 

“Finn,”  Kurt whispered, his voice shaking with emotion.

 

”Kurt,” Finn pleaded.  “Please, tell me it’s okay.  Tell me you know I never meant all that stupid shit, I said and did.  When I think back about everything I did, or watched or let happen to you and how much you mean to me now.  God Kurt, I was stupid.  How’d I not see how…” Finn’s voice cracked as his vision started to blur from the tears he was fighting to hold back.

 

“Finn,” Kurt said.  “You were never that bad.”

 

“I could have done better, I should have done better,” Finn said softly.

 

“What’s this all about?”  Kurt asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Finn said, his voice muffled by his hands trying to wipe away rogue tears that were falling.  “I guess I just need you to know that I was stupid, and I know that now and I regret it.  I just don’t want you to hate me for those things I did.”

 

“I never hated you, even then,” Kurt said quietly.  “Quite the opposite in fact.”

 

Finn chuffed out a couple of ragged breaths.  “I really didn’t it understand then.  And now, I just can’t help but think why?  I didn’t deserve it.”

 

“Love doesn’t work that way.  It doesn’t always make sense,” Kurt whispered.  

 

“Huh,” Finn replied.  “I guess not.”

 

“Finn, is this about what happened that last night you were here?” Kurt asked after a couple of minutes of silence.  

 

Finn exhaled noisily, letting Kurt know he had heard him even if he wasn’t responding yet.  “Maybe,” he said finally.  “I don’t know.”

 

“It’s okay,” Kurt said.  “It was a mistake.  You turned as I went to kiss you on the cheek.  It’s my fault really, and I’m sorry.”  Finn could hear the despair in Kurt’s voice, and he hated it.

 

“Kurt, no.  No.” Finn said forcibly.  “That’s not how I remember it all.” He said more quietly; his voice whisper quiet now. “Yes, I might have turned as you leaned in to kiss me, but I did it on purpose.  It, it wasn’t a mistake.    If it were, I wouldn’t have kept on kissing you.  I wouldn’t have kissed you the second time.”

,

Kurt’s laughter was a welcome sound to Finn’s ears.  “You really did kiss me, didn’t you.”

 

Finn chuckled.  “I did.”  He took a couple of deep breaths as he could feel his pulse racing a little just thinking back about it.  “I don’t know why exactly I did that, or what it means.  But I don’t think of it as a mistake.  Don’t think that, Kurt.”

 

“Okay,” Kurt replied and Finn could just picture him nodding sharply in response.  “Did…” Kurt paused, and Finn could hear him breathing a little.  “Did you like it?  The kiss I mean.”

 

Finn choked slightly on his biscotti and coughed.  “Umm, yes, I guess?”

 

“Finn,” Kurt whispered.  The sound made goosebumps break out against Finn’s skin.

 

“Kur-rt,” Finn almost whined. “What do you want me to say?”  He took a deep breath and lowered his voice, glancing around the coffee shop that was still as deserted as when he had first walked in.  “It wasn’t weird.  I’ve been thinking about it since then, and it should have felt weird, but it didn’t.  And of course I like kissing.  It’s pretty much all I’ve gotten to do over the last five years.  Lots and lots of kissing.”

 

“Okay, fair enough,” Kurt replied.  “I’ve thought about it too, and you're right, it wasn’t as weird as I would have expected it to be.”

 

“You expected it to be weird?” Finn asked dumbstruck.

 

“Well of course Finn!” Kurt exclaimed.  “You’re … you’re you.  The straight guy I crushed on.  The guy that almost married my best friend whom I live with.  The… there are no easy words to describe us.”

 

Finn chuckled darkly.  “That’s really true.”  He waited a few moments before he spoke again.  “Was it too weird for you?  Considering our history?”

 

“Maybe,” Kurt admitted.  

 

“I’m sorry,” Finn said.  “I guess I didn’t think that it might be weird for you too.”

 

“Getting over you when I did was a three step process,” Kurt explained.  “First, I knew I had to get over you.  What good was it going to do me to keep crushing on you when you had made your feelings perfectly clear?  But I knew I had the opportunity to gain a true friend out this if I could get past those feelings.  And the last thing Glee Club needed was for you and I to have it out like you and Puck did sophomore year or even like you and I when you guys first moved in.”

 

“Kurt,” Finn interrupted.

 

“Let me finish,” Kurt demanded.  “Second, our parents got married.  I couldn’t let something like a silly high school crush destroy my dads or your moms happiness.  I couldn’t let it destroy the family we both wanted.  And then, I met Blaine.  He made it a lot easier to get over you.  And getting over you was the best thing I could have done.  We wouldn’t have the relationship we have now if this were still unresolved between us.  You’d still be changing in the bathroom and sleeping anywhere but in a room with me, let alone in my bed.  I doubt you’d had even considered New York if things hadn’t changed.”

 

“Not all of those are still true anymore,” Finn said.

 

“No, they’re not,” Kurt agreed.  “Blaine isn’t my boyfriend anymore and there is no one for me to be loyal and faithful to.  In some ways, it makes our- yours and mine- relationship harder for me.  I love how close we are; I don’t want that to change.  And I love how deeply you care for the important people to you and how you’d do anything for them.  And I know that includes me.”  Kurt paused.

 

“I really would do anything for you,” Finn promised.  “I’ve got your back.”

 

“So I need you to think about this.  You even admitted yourself that sophomore year you did not treat me the best.  And yet, I fell for you.  So imagine what it’s like for me now, how differently you treat me, how easy it would be for me to fall for you again.  I don’t want to go back to being that guy ,Finn; I can’t.”  Kurt took a couple of deep breaths, and Finn could tell he was trying not to cry.  

 

“I- I just don’t know what to say, Kurt.”  Finn sighed.  “You don’t want me to care about you?”

 

“No,” Kurt sobbed.  “It’s just-” he took a couple of hitching breaths.  “Look, the past, all that horrible stuff.  It’s the past.  I know what I mean to you now.  And it’s completely mutual.  I don’t need you to remind me constantly with your words, your actions and your incredibly sweet even if slightly maddening gestures.”

 

“Okay,” Finn said, but he was anything but.  His eyes were blurred with tears again. Over the phone, with Kurt breaking down like this was not how Finn thought he should admit his own confusing feelings when it came to Kurt.  He owed Kurt more than that.

 

“I don’t want it to be weird between us.  It’s just, if you can help me, and be more conscious of what you are doing and how it might seem to me.  And I’ll work on reminding myself of your real intentions.  And I'll try to keep myself from falling hopelessly in love with you again.”  Kurt was openly sobbing now.  “Sorry, I’ve not been sleeping well.”

 

“Me neither,” Finn admitted for the first time out loud.  

 

“Finn!” Kurt whined.  

 

“Fuck!  Sorry, that’s probably the kind of stuff I shouldn’t be saying, right?”

 

“Yes, but I’m kind of glad I’m not the only one,” Kurt said.

 

Finn looked up and noticed the barista was giving him a weird look.  When he saw Finn look up at him, he gestured to the clock and made a shooing motion.  “Sorry!” Finn exclaimed as he moved for his jacket and pulled it on as he exited the coffee shop.

 

“What?” Kurt asked.

 

“Oh, I was just apologizing to the staff at the coffee shop.  They just kicked me out.  I didn’t realize it was so late,” Finn explained.  “So I guess we’ll talk later?”

 

“How far back to your dorm is it?” Kurt asked.

 

“Not far?  Ten minutes maybe?  Why?”

 

“Stay on the phone with me.  Just so I know you got back to the dorms safely.  It is late.” Kurt chided.

 

Finn laughed.  “Are you worried about me?  I think I can handle myself, Kurt.”

 

Kurt laughed, as well.  “I know.  But I’m still going to worry about you.  I’m still going to care.  Nothing is ever going to change that.”

 

Finn swallowed the lump in his throat.  “I know Kurt.  I feel the same.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Have you decided what you are going to sing for the Apples audition?  Isn’t that tomorrow?” Finn asked.

 

“It is!” Kurt exclaimed.  “I thought I might sing Born This Way and wear my ‘likes boys’ tee shirt in case there is any confusion.  Or maybe Defying Gravity from Wicked and really show off my range.”

 

“What?  No Mellencamp?” Finn teased.  

 

Kurt laughed.  “I suppose I could always pull out all the stops and sing ‘Hurts So Good’.  I’m pretty sure I brought all the appropriate pieces to fashion a perfectly acceptable wardrobe for that song.”

 

Finn stopped. “Well, I guess that would be one way to let that Adam guy know you’re interested.”

 

“No, Finn,” Kurt said.  “I was only joking.”

 

“I knew that!” Finn exclaimed secretly relieved, and a little turned on by the thought of Kurt singing that song.  “But, hey, whatever you do sing, see if someone can record it and send it to me?  I kinda miss hearing you sing all the time.”

 

“Sure, Finn,” Kurt said.  “We can always set up a time to skype and sing together.  Blaine and I did that, er, do that I guess since we did it again at Christmas.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, right before you guys showed up.”

 

“Cool.  Sunday maybe?” Finn asked.

 

“Yeah, not like I’ll be at church or anything.”

 

“No, I guess not.  Well, I’m here now,” Finn said as he walked into the dorms and headed up the stairs to the 5th floor.

 

“Oh, well good night then I guess.  I- I miss you,” Kurt whispered.

 

“Me too.  Night Kurt.” Finn ended the call and walked into his room.  

 

Later that night Finn received a notification of a new email from Kurt.  

  
  


_To: Finn <<Finn05Hudson@mymail.com>>_

_From: Kurt <<KEHinNYC@mymail.com>>    _

_Subject: Don’t ask_

 

_Rachel and Brody forced me to sit and finish Casablanca with them tonight after we got off the phone.  I don’t know why I agreed, and I have even less of an idea as to why this part of the song stuck out at me or why I thought to send it to you tonight._

 

_‘You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh.  The fundamental things apply, as time goes by.’_

 

_I don’t know,_

_Kurt_

 

000

 

“So I hear congratulations are in order,” Finn said as soon as Kurt’s face popped up on his laptop screen. Finn could tell that Kurt was sitting in his room in the loft, at his desk. His hair was styled as usual and he was wearing a blue v-neck sweater with a white tee shirt poking out of the top. It made Finn feel self conscious being still in the tee shirt and plaid pyjama pants he had slept in, sitting on his bed.

 

Kurt laughed, his face crinkling in merriment. “There weren’t that many auditions. They are kinda like the New Directions- you audition, you get in.”

 

“Geesh Kurt, you make it sound like you’re just an ok singer. You’re amazing. You know it, I know it. Take the freakin’ compliment already,” Finn joked, his lips twisting into a smirk.

 

“How’d you hear about it anyway?”

 

“You joined the Apples Facebook page and then liked a comment that welcomed new members and low and behold there was a Kurt Hummel listed. So I figured…” Finn trailed off.

 

“Stalking me on Facebook now, Finn Hudson?” Kurt teased.

 

“Not like I can stalk you in person anymore when I’m in Ohio and you’re in New York. It was much easier when you were just across the hall.”

 

“What did you think of my audition song?” Kurt asked as he tilted his head.

 

“It wasn’t Mellencamp,” Finn said. “I was surprised to be honest, not your usual style of music.”

 

“I know,” Kurt said. “But I woke up Thursday morning with it running through my head and I figured it would work.”

 

“Still- no one believed me when I told the Glee club that you sang Snow Patrol. I had to show them the video. It was really good. Different, but good.”

 

Finn could see Kurt’s blush. “That’s nothing. The Apples did a welcome performance for the three of us that joined. They did an acapella slowed down version of ‘Baby Got Back’.” Kurt smiled wide showing all of his teeth.

 

Finn sputtered. “Are you serious?”

 

“Completely. It was a once in a lifetime performance,” Kurt said.

 

“You’ve been on the receiving end of a couple of those, Kurt.”

 

Kurt shrugged. “I guess I have.”

 

“So you and Adam? Did he ask you out to celebrate your acceptance into the Apples?” Finn asked.

 

Kurt’s cheeks turned pink and he ducked his head. “A couple of us went out Friday night to celebrate.”

 

“So I misheard Blaine’s grumblings to Sam last night when I went home for dinner?” Finn questioned.

 

“Blaine was grumbling to Sam?” Kurt asked.

 

“Yeah, something about how he gave you advice about getting over someone and he thought it might bring you back to him, but instead it seems to have driven you to Adam. I don’t know; it didn’t make much sense to me because the way I figure it, Blaine’s the one you’re trying to get over so why would he think his advice would bring you back to him.” Finn looked at Kurt.

 

“I might need to be more clear about my intentions with Blaine,” Kurt admitted. “It’s just nice having his friendship back.”

 

“I know,” Finn said softly.

 

“How’s dad?” Kurt asked.

 

“Burt’s good.” Finn nodded. “He had his first appointment this week. Mom said it went well. They talked about the radiation treatment and how it’s going to work. They apparently have put Burt on a very strict diet. Burt was complaining that it was worse than the one you forced on him after his heart attack.”

 

Kurt laughed. “Did they say what the radiation treatments were going to be like? When does he start them? For how long? How many times?”

 

Finn frowned. “I don’t think they told me. Although, Burt said they wouldn’t start for about 2 weeks because they wanted to make sure the new diet was working and that he was in the best of health. I can ask mom later today and email or text you the details.”

 

Kurt smiled. “It’s fine, especially if he isn’t starting right away. Just let me know when you can.”

 

Finn nodded. “That I can do.”

 

“Do you think Sam and Blaine are dating?” Kurt asked.

 

“No.” Finn shook his head. “I’m pretty sure Sam is still dating Brittany. He was asking Blaine’s advice on what to wear to the Sadie Hawkins dance next week and if he should get Brit a corsage.”

 

“Oh, speaking of Brittany,” Kurt sighed. “Did you hear that Santana has moved into the loft with Rachel and I?”

 

Finn felt his eyes bug out of his head. “You’re kidding me!”

 

“I’m not. She’s passed out on the couch as I speak,” Kurt said. “It’s been weird, but not bad, if that makes sense.”

 

Finn closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. “That makes more sense than you could ever imagine.” Finn opened his eyes. “Oh, shit. Kurt, do you realize that you are now living with the two girls I've slept with?”

 

Kurt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I did not need that thought in my head, Finn Hudson.”

 

“I don’t either. Let’s not talk about it again,” Finn said. “Oh, and please don’t let Quinn move in too.”

 

“I doubt Quinn is about to give up Yale to live in a loft in Bushwick with us,” Kurt said.

 

Finn shuddered. “Just run, if she does.”

 

“I will,” Kurt promised.

 

Finn looked up from his laptop as Travis walked through the door to their shared dorm room. “Oh, hey. You’re back from the gym already.”

 

“Did you need me to go and come back later?” Travis asked.

 

Finn shook his head. “Nah, I’m just skyping with Kurt. Hey, Kurt, meet Travis my roommate,” Finn said as he smiled at the screen. Finn turned the laptop around so Travis could see Kurt. “And Travis, meet my brother Kurt.”

 

“Finn!” Kurt hissed. “Tilt the screen please. All I can see of your roommate currently is from the waist down.”

 

“Shit!” Finn swore, his cheeks burned with embarrassment. “Sorry dudes,” he said as he flipped the computer back around to give Kurt his most apologetic puppy dog eyes.

 

Travis sat down on the bed next to Finn and leaned over into the view of the webcam. “Nice to meet you Kurt. I’ve heard lots about you from Finn. He’s pretty proud of his talented brother at the fancy New York Arts school.”

 

Kurt blushed and ducked his head. “It’s good to meet you too. And please, realize I tried my best in the two years we lived together to make him a better roommate, but two years is not long enough,” Kurt joked.

 

“Yeah, Kurt that’s real funny. Travis here has no complaints living with me,” Finn said.  He threw an arm around Travis’ shoulders and pulled him in close.

  
“It’s true. Finn’s been a pretty good roommate,” Travis said, smiling at Kurt. “Although I have a feeling living with you helped more than you realize.” 


	4. Wedding Traditions

[](http://minus.com/i/CM597ikJNYnd)

 

January passed by almost as quickly as Finn and Kurt had predicted it would at Christmas.  Weeks of lectures and classes drifted into mid term preparations and by the time Valentine’s Day rolled around, both Finn and Kurt were very excited to have a break.

 

Finn had continued to skype with Kurt on a weekly basis.  Never a set time or day but whenever it suited their schedules, they chatted. Finn accompanied Burt to his radiation treatments at least once a week, always reporting back to Kurt on how their father was doing.   Kurt sang with the Apples despite Rachel’s insistence that it was vocal and career suicide.  Kurt liked the Apples; they reminded him a little of the New Directions in that they seemed to be the misfits of NYADA.  Kurt also found the Apples similar to the Warblers in that they were open and accepting to all.  Kurt wasn't the only not straight person in the Apples, and he enjoyed the camaraderie that afforded him.

 

Adam finally asked Kurt out on a proper date near the end of January instead of the many coincidental coffee run ins, the dinners out with the Apples after rehearsal, and trips to Callbacks on Friday nights.  Kurt’s first kiss with Adam happened at the end of their first date.  It was not like his first kiss with Blaine, or even his first kiss with Finn.  Kurt wondered if it was because he hadn’t had a slow, continual build up of feelings with Adam as he had had with Blaine, and especially with Finn.  

 

Kurt had already fallen hard for Blaine by the time they shared their first kiss, and he undoubtedly loved Finn when they shared theirs.  But Kurt couldn’t deny that he was attracted to sweet, kind, gentle Adam.  But if pressed to describe how he felt in words, Kurt simply liked Adam,  he enjoyed his company.  There wasn’t even a level of want or desire that existed although Kurt was not foolish enough to believe that it meant there never could be.  

 

So Kurt simply explained to Adam that he was still getting over his past relationship.  His first relationship that has been almost unofficially two years and officially closer to nineteen months.  Adam, the sweetheart that he was, agreed to go as slow as Kurt wanted.  Kurt was grateful for not only a good friend in Adam but the potential of a patient boyfriend and lover.  

 

In the meantime, Finn had not found a group to sing with or a band to play with although he and Puck would jam from time to time to the delight of most of his floormates.  Finn also continued to help with the New Directions although he mostly sat back to listen and offer words of advice rather than sing himself.  But once in a while Blaine, Sam or Tina especially would drag him up on the stage with them until he was harmonizing along with them.  In those times, Finn missed Rachel, Puck and especially Kurt.  Sometimes Finn even sat in on the drums, especially when Ryder sang.  

 

Finn also indulged Puck in his prowling for college girls.  Finn was always a friendly guy and mostly well liked by his peers, so the invitations to parties both on and off campus flowed freely.  The first weekend in February found Puck, Finn and Travis at one of the campus fraternities ‘Lonely Hearts’ party.  

 

000

 

Puck handed Finn a drink and sat down on one of the couches beside Finn.  Travis was dancing with a couple of the girls they had met that night.  “You’re never going to get over Rachel moping around like a lovesick fool,” Puck said.  

 

Finn snorted his drink through his nose.  “What makes you think I’m not getting over Rachel?  And I’m not moping.”

 

“You are moping!  Party after party you just sit on the couch or a chair and yeah, I’ve seen you chat up a couple of hot girls if they sit down beside you.  But I’ve not seen you dancing, kissing, grinding up on any of these lovely ladies.”  Puck glared at Finn.  “I’ve not heard of a single hook up and how many of these girls that you have you talked to at these parties have called you later?”

 

“What makes you think that’s what I’m looking for?  Geeze Puck.  Santana was a hook up for crying out loud, and it was probably the worst experience of my life and I’ve known her since middle school.  How is a hook up with someone I’ve known for just a couple of hours going to make me feel?” Finn spat at his friend.  He tried to push a whole host of feelings out of his head.  

 

“You should be thankful that I’m not going to tell Santana what you said.” Puck smirked at his friend.  “She’d take your balls and turn them into a pair of earrings in spite.  Tell me something.  Do you even want to meet someone?  If not, why do you keep coming out with me?”

 

Finn scoffed at Puck.  “Of course I’d like to meet someone, get to know someone and see what happens.  But I’m not interested in getting laid just for the sake of getting laid.”  Finn closed his eyes, but all he could see was a glimpse of the last time he had been in bed with someone.  Finn shook his head to clear his thoughts. “I come out with you because I’m your wingman- your goddamn best friend and someone has to keep you out of trouble.”

 

“What the hell did Rachel do to you?” Puck asked.  

 

Finn stood up and glared at Puck.  “This,” he gestured wildly around, “has nothing to do with Rachel.  You say I’m not getting over her, but I am.  Believe me, I am so over Rachel Berry.”  Finn turned away from Puck as he felt his cheeks flush with color as he remembered the kiss he’d shared with Kurt.  

 

“Prove it,” Puck taunted.  “Pick a girl here tonight.  You don’t have to sleep with her, but for fucks sake at least kiss her.  You’re strung tighter than a freaking telephone wire Finn.”

 

Finn leaned down into Puck’s face.  “I’m only going to say this one time Puck.  I. DON’T. WANT. TO. KISS. ANYBODY.  Not anybody here at any rate.”

 

Puck’s eyes widened.  “You are over Berry.  You’re mooning over someone new.  Who is it?  Where’d you meet her?  How’d I not hear about her before?” he questioned.  

 

“Drop it, Puck,” Finn warned.  “Please.”

 

Travis showed up at that moment, slinging a friendly arm across Finn’s shoulders.  “Gentlemen, I believe are more appropriate places for the two of you to be having this discussion, hmmm?”

 

Finn visibly relaxed into Travis’ space.  His face softened, and he flashed him a half smile.  “You’re right Travis.”

 

“Come dance Finn.  You’ll feel better.”

 

“I might, but someone might get hurt.” Finn said.  

 

“I keep telling you, you’re not that bad.” Travis smiled.  

 

“And I still say you are just being nice to me because you’re my roommate.”

 

000

 

In the end, Kurt, Rachel, and Santana all flew in for Mr. Schue’s wedding together, and Finn was the one delegated to pick them all up from the airport in Dayton.  Finn was glad he was at the airport to welcome Kurt home- there were many things he wanted to talk to Kurt about, things that a phone call or a Skype call just wouldn’t cover.  But Finn couldn’t help but wish that Rachel and Santana were not there, as well.

 

Finn hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be not to pull Kurt into an embrace. Instead, he awkwardly hugged Rachel, put an arm around Santana and waited until Rachel chirped at him about not even hugging his brother before he finally held out his arms to Kurt.  Kurt slid into the embrace easily and if they hugged longer than brothers normally would- well no one said anything about it.  

 

Kurt claimed shotgun position by virtue of having the longest legs, leaving Santana and Rachel to climb into the backseat of Carole’s Buick.  Finn reached over and patted Kurt’s knee, offering him a smile as they prepared to leave the airport parking lot.  The drive from Dayton to Lima was long and loud, and Rachel and Santana fought for dominance over the conversation; relegating Finn with tales of all their New York adventures.  Finn still found it difficult to imagine Rachel, Kurt, and Santana all living in that small space and not bodily injuring one another.  Finn noticed Kurt was unusually quiet, his face turned, looking out the window as they drove.  

 

Finn dropped off Santana first, rolling his eyes as he exited the car to the carry in her luggage.  “Thanks Lurch!” she called as he closed her front door and walked quickly back to the car.  

 

“You’re up next Rach,” Finn said as he backed out of the Lopez’s driveway.  

 

“Oh,” Rachel’s voice was full of disappointment.  “I thought maybe you could drop Kurt and your mom's car off at the house and we could drive over to my place in your truck.  You could come in and visit.  I’m sure my dads would love to see you.”

 

Finn panicked slightly and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.  He gave a quick glance to the rear view mirror which showed Rachel pouting in the dark.  “It’s kind of late Rachel and I have a bunch of things to get ready for tomorrow.”

 

“But we haven’t practiced a song yet Finn.  Mr. Schue wants us to sing, and we haven’t practiced,” Rachel whined.

 

“It’ll be fine Rach.  I promise.”  Finn sighed and tried not to roll his eyes.  He heard Kurt snort softly, and he turned and smirked at him.  

 

Finn helped Rachel with her bags just as he had with Santana.  When she stood on her tippy toes to reach up and kiss him, Finn turned his head slightly, so she ended up kissing his cheek.  She giggled as she lowered the heels of her feet.  “That was silly Finn.”

 

“Don’t you have a boyfriend Rach?” Finn asked.

 

“Well yes but...”

 

“No.  You have a boyfriend.  He isn’t me.”  Finn sighed.  “Good night Rachel.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Goodnight Finn,” Rachel said sadly as she entered her house.  

 

Finn got back into the Buick and turned to look at Kurt.  “Do you have a sudden need to get home and see your dad right away or do you have time for a pit stop?”

 

“Um, maybe?  It depends where you’re taking me, Finn.”

 

“Originally I was going to grab my suit tonight when I dropped you off and just meet Will at the hotel tomorrow and get dressed there.  But I’m thinking maybe I should come sleep at home for old times sake while you’re in town,” Finn explained with a smile.

 

“Carole will be thrilled to have us all together for a couple of days.” Kurt agreed, his blue eyes twinkling even in the dark of the car.  

 

Finn started driving.  “So it’s okay if I swing by my dorm and put some stuff together.  You can meet Travis if he’s around too.”

 

000

 

Finn pushed open the door and let Kurt enter first.  “Trav must be out somewhere,” he said, flipping on the light.   Finn closed the door behind him and stood against it for a moment and watched while Kurt moved around his side of the room, taking in everything.  

 

“Is that...our football?” Kurt asked.  His eyes were wide and twinkling in the crappy fluorescent lighting of the dorm room.  

 

Finn nodded.  “The only game we won sophomore year.”

 

Kurt looked at the photos and mementos tacked to Finn’s bulletin board.  Most were not surprising, but a framed photo of the two of them in their graduation caps and gowns was a little startling.  Kurt shrugged out of his jacket and laid it over the back of Finn’s desk chair.  He turned to look at Finn.  “Are you okay?  You’re acting kind of weird, and you haven’t moved from that spot by the door since we got here.”

 

Finn shook his head.  “Sorry. I guess I kinda wish you hadn’t flown in with Santana and Rachel for the wedding.”  He shrugged out his jacket and hung it up on the hook behind the door.  

 

“What?!” Kurt exclaimed.  “You didn’t want me to come home?”  He looked genuinely confused.

 

“Oh, shit! No, I mean, I wish you guys hadn’t been on the same flight.  So I wouldn’t have to had picked them up too.  And I could have done this at the airport without feeling weird,” Finn said as he crossed the room and pulled Kurt into his arms.

 

“Oh,” Kurt squeaked as Finn wrapped him up in his arms.  Kurt hooked his own arms over Finn’s shoulders, linking them behind Finn's neck.  “Well hello Finn Hudson,” he said with a husky voice.

 

“Hi ya Kurt,” Finn whispered.  “Welcome home.  Is this okay?”

 

Kurt murmured in agreement.  “This sure does feel like home.”

 

Finn ran his hands up and cupped Kurt’s face, tilting it slightly up to him.  “I’ve missed you.”  He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Kurt’s forehead.  “Sorry,” he shook his head, closing his eyes.

 

Kurt pulled away first, running his hands over Finn’s shoulders and down his chest before patting it lightly.  “Let’s get your stuff together and we can go home.”

 

“Ok,” Finn said.  “Sit, it won’t take me long.”  Finn gestured to the bed as he pulled a duffle bag out of his closet and started putting stuff in it.  

 

Kurt sat down on the bed and then leaned back, laying down but keeping his feet, still in his winter boots, dangling off the edge of the bed.  “I was kind of looking forward to meeting your roommate.”

 

“I’ll text him later and we’ll plan a time while you’re still here.”  Finn opened a drawer to his desk and pulled out a rectangular box wrapped in red heart motif paper and shoved it into his bag.

 

“What was that Finn?” Kurt asked.  “Was that a valentine’s present?”

 

Finn turned to look at Kurt, his cheeks pink with embarrassment.  “Uh, kind of?”

 

“That’s so sweet, you getting something for you mom.”

 

Finn ducked his head to hide further embarrassment.  He put a couple more items in his duffle bag before picking a couple of items off his dresser.  “All done,” he announced as he turned around.  He put his bag down and walked over to the bed.  “You look pretty comfortable there on my bed Kurt.”

 

Kurt hummed in agreement.  “I am.  Consider it payback for the amount of time you spent in my bed in New York.”

 

Finn tilted his head and smirked at Kurt.  “Fair enough,” he said before he flopped down onto the bed beside Kurt, his long legs and feet also dangling off the edge.  “Hi.”

 

“Hi,” Kurt said as he turned his head and looked at Finn.  

 

“Would it be ok if I…,” and the rest of what Finn was going to say was cut off by the sound of keys in the lock and the door opening.  

 

Finn rolled off the bed and stood up, attempting to brush away any signs of what he had just been considering.  

 

Kurt pushed himself up onto his elbows and looked towards the door.

 

“Hey, Travis.”

 

“Oh, hey, Finn.”  Travis looked over and saw someone on Finn’s bed and grinned.  “Hey, Kurt.  Good to see you in person.  How was your flight?”

 

000

 

“I guess I’m all ready,” Will said.  He stood in a hotel room with Finn and Kurt, dressed in his tux.  He rubbed his hands together and looked at Finn.  “You have the rings?”

 

Finn nodded.  “Already in my jacket pocket.”

 

“The key card for the suite?”  

 

“It should be ready for me to pick up when we leave for the church,” Finn said.

 

“All you need to do now is relax,” Kurt said.  He brushed an imaginary piece of lint off Mr. Schue’s shoulder.  “Thanks for letting me tag along with Finn today.”

 

Will looked at Kurt and smiled.  “Not a problem.  I just can’t believe how many of you kids came back for the wedding.  Emma and I feel so lucky.”  Will looked at Finn and Kurt.  “The two of you need to finish getting ready.  I’m going to go down and check in with the set up in the ballroom.”

 

“Oh, here’s Emma’s list of things to verify in the ballroom,” Finn said.  He walked over to his messenger bag and pulled out a folder and shuffled through some papers, then he handed Will a couple of sheets of paper.

 

“That’s my soon-to-be-wife, the perfectionist,” Will said with a smile.

 

Finn looked over at Kurt who was trying not to laugh as Will left the room.

 

“I’m going to grab the bathroom and get changed,” Kurt said as he pulled his garment bag from the closet by the door.  He slipped into the bathroom before Finn could respond.

 

Finn sat down on the bed and began to get undressed.  Kurt emerged from the bathroom a little later, and hung his tuxedo jacket in the closet.  His bowtie hung untied around his neck and the top two shirt buttons were undone.  

 

“Wow, a real bow tie,” Finn said, obviously impressed.  

 

Kurt shrugged.  “I know how to tie them.  I mean, how many bow ties have you seen Blaine or I wear?”  He leaned up against the wall, crossing one leg in front of the other.

 

“Millions,” Finn scoffed, his eyes twinkling with mirth. He leaned down and tied the laces of his dress shoes.

 

Kurt shook his head.  “I doubt either of us have that many, although Blaine may be dangerously close.”

 

“I think he might need an intervention,” Finn said solemnly.

 

“He needs something alright,” Kurt agreed.

 

“Hey, I have something for you.” Finn stood up and went to his bag.  “And it’s not a Valentines gift or anything really.  Cause you’re not my Valentine.  Unless you want to be.”  Finn shook his head.  “It’s a just because gift but the only wrapping paper I could find was Valentines Day or birthday and it’s not your birthday but it is Valentines Day.  So, here.”  

 

Kurt took the wrapped object from Finn.  It was the same present Kurt had seen in Finn’s dorm.  “I thought this was for Carole.”

 

Finn shook his head.  “No, it was always for you.”

 

Kurt smiled and began unwrapping the rectangular box.  As soon as he could tell what it was, Kurt looked up at Finn.  “Oh Finn,” he sighed.    

 

Finn sat down on the bed beside Kurt again.  “I remember you told me a couple of years ago how you’d sneak in and smell her perfume on her old broken dresser.  And when we moved in, you begged Burt to move that dresser into your room.  I know you have nothing like that in New York, so I asked your dad if he remembered the name of the perfume.  You could spray it on something in the loft.”  Finn looked down at his shoes.  “I know it’s not the same.  But I thought it might help.  Especially with everything going on.”

 

Kurt leaned in and pressed his lips to Finn’s cheek.  Finn closed his eyes and brought one of his hands up to cradle the side of Kurt’s face against his.

 

“Thank you, for that Finn,” Kurt said.  “Come on, let’s finish getting ready.”

 

Finn watched as Kurt effortlessly tied his bow tie and then got into his jacket.  Finn pulled on his and did up the buttons before retrieving the boutonnieres from the mini fridge.  

 

“Let me do that before you poke yourself in the finger,” Kurt said, taking the flower and pin from Finn’s hand.  “Did you know Blaine is bringing Tina as his date to the wedding?”  Kurt used finger quotes around the word date.

 

Finn nodded.  “I did know that.  Did I not tell you about the Sadies Hawkins serenade?"  

 

“No, you did.  Seriously, what was Tina thinking?”  Kurt huffed out a frustrated breath as he pinned the flower to Finn’s lapel.  “Serenading Blaine, in the boys locker room, to ask him to Sadie Hawkins dance.  Does she not know him at all?”

 

“I was probably the last one to catch on, other than Blaine because I mean, either he’s got a really good poker face or he really was clueless,” Finn said.  “We all felt pretty bad for Tee though.”

 

Kurt’s eyes widened as he arranged and then rearranged the flower in Finn’s lapel.  “Everyone felt bad for Tina?  What about for Blaine?”  Kurt rolled his eyes.  “Blaine’s poker face is not that good, and when it comes to himself being the object of someone’s affections, Blaine is deaf, dumb and blind.” Kurt patted Finn’s lapels.  “All done, now just need to do mine.”  Kurt turned to study his reflection in the mirror before he began the process on his own lapels.

 

“Are you dating Adam?”  Finn asked.

 

Kurt looked up and met Finn’s eyes above his in the reflection of the mirror.  “We’ve been on a couple of dates.  It’s not exclusive or serious.”

 

“Have you kissed him?” Finn asked.

 

Kurt’s cheeks pinkened as Finn studied his reflection.  “Why does it matter Finn?” Kurt asked.

 

Finn nodded.  “You have.  Are you sleeping with him?”

 

Kurt ducked his head and moved away from the mirror, keeping his back to Finn.  “I’m not discussing this with you Finn.  My personal, romantic life does not need to be any of your business.”

 

Finn heard Kurt exhaling a couple of deep breaths before he turned around to look at him again.  “I’m sorry.  I’m not trying to push, just curious is all,”  Finn said.

 

Kurt waved Finn’s apology off.

 

“You look good Kurt.  You always do,” Finn said softly.

 

“Thanks,” Kurt replied as he turned around.  “I’ve always thought you’ve looked good in a suit too.  As evidenced right now.” Kurt brushed off the tops of Finn’s shoulders, running his hands down Finn’s arms.  He adjusted Finn’s bowtie a final time before moving out of Finn’s space.  

 

“Can I hug you?” Finn asked.  “Or will it wrinkle the fabric?”

 

Kurt held his arms open to Finn as he sighed.  “I would never turn down a hug from you.”

 

000

 

When he sat down and thought about it later, Kurt wasn’t surprised that Ms. Pillsbury left Mr. Schue at the alter.  Sure, they seemed to make each other happy, but based on what Finn had told him, Mr. Schue has been in Washington and Kurt knew first hand how much long distance relationships can suck.  Finn also had explained to Kurt that it seemed as if Ms. P’s OCD was getting more and more out of control the closer the wedding got, or the longer Mr. Schue was away; Kurt was not sure which one was triggering the OCD or if it was both.

 

After Coach Sylvester had shown up at the church and delivered the news that there would be no wedding, Mr. Schue had looked absolutely heartbroken as he encouraged everyone in attendance to go and enjoy the reception anyway.  Kurt had taken it upon himself (and he’d enlisted Puck’s help) to get everyone out of the church and headed over to the reception.  Although Blaine had wanted Kurt to tag along with he and Tina, Kurt had insisted he stay with Finn and Will for the time being.    

 

However, when he entered the church again, only Finn was still there; still standing at the alter with his back to Kurt.  It was almost like something out of Kurt’s own dreams and for a second, Kurt had to put a hand out and steady himself against one of the benches.  It was at that moment that Finn turned around; he smiled when he spotted Kurt near the back of the church.

 

Kurt walked on unsteady legs towards the front of the church.  “Where’s Mr Schue?” he asked softly.

 

“Hey,” Finn whispered.  He reached his arm out and pulled Kurt against him.  “He went home or to try to find Emma.  I’m not really sure.  He told me to stay, or rather to go to the reception.”  Finn sighed.  “To be there because he can’t.  To make sure everyone is having a good time.”  Finn turned to Kurt.  “Do you remember sectionals sophomore year?”

 

Kurt nodded.  “We were all so excited.  We had a great set list.  And then things started falling apart.”

 

“It was Mr. Schue that convinced me to come back to glee club.  He told me I had to go be the leader because he wasn’t able to.  When I asked him why I had to be the bigger man in that whole mess with Quinn and Puck, he told me that we can’t always get what we  want.”  Finn laughed lightly.  “That was where my song idea came from.”

 

“It was a good one.” Kurt smiled. “Seeing you walk into that room, with your red letterman jacket on and a fistful of sheet music, it was like superman had arrived.”

 

“I was more than happy to be the quarterback and the leader of the football team, but I never wanted to be the leader in glee club,”  Finn admitted.  “In the beginning I didn’t even want to be there, but Mr Schue was blackmailing me.  And then I kind of liked it but I couldn’t admit it out loud, but you guys still looked to me as your leader.  Even when Rachel was always there, willing and able to be our leader.”  Finn shook his head.  “I never really understood it.”

 

“You were the leader of the football team because you were the quarterback.  Look at the team?  Were you really leading them?  All of them?” Kurt asked.  “It wasn’t that we wanted you as a leader, but we needed you as one.  You do realize that we wouldn’t have been half as successful as we were if Rachel was our leader.”  

 

“I always mess things up Kurt,”  Finn said softly.

 

“No one expects you to be perfect Finn.  You’re only human.  It’s one of the things that makes you a great leader.”

 

“Then let’s go, so I can do this leader stuff and make sure everyone has a good time,”  Finn said with a sad sort of smile.

 

000

 

The reception itself was very fun.  There was lots of singing and dancing, and Finn felt a bizarre sense of pride as he watched his friends and fellow members of New Directions mix with the current and new members of the same group.  Sometimes it was weird, to lead a group that consisted of people like Tina, Artie, Brittany, Sam and Blaine.  Tina and Artie had been members of the New Directions longer than he had and now he was not just their peer leader, but their coach; their teacher.  Finn and Brittany had gone to school together since Kindergarten.  Sam had lived with the Hudson-Hummels for most of Finn and Kurt’s senior year after Finn and Rachel had gone and brought him back to Lima.  And Blaine Anderson was the guy that Finn, and almost everyone else, figured would be his brother-in-law one day.  

 

Finn had enjoyed watching the whole group pair up in duos, trios and groups and sing, entertaining the crowd.  Blaine and Kurt had sung together and it was like stepping back in a time machine.  Their chemistry together was tangible and Finn found it hard to believe they were not actually still involved romantically.  

 

Singing with Rachel had a similar feeling for Finn.  He was reminded of that very first time he had sang with her in glee club.  A intense and somewhat scary feeling but one that also felt right.  There was something about singing that just felt like coming home to Finn.

 

As he sang with Rachel, Finn couldn’t help but watch her.  The way she absorbed the spotlight and shone even brighter than ever.  She was equally as comfortable on the stage and he felt strangely at peace with the choices he had made concerning their relationship.  While he looked out at the crowd, listening to them, swaying along to the music and lyrics, his eyes found Kurt.  He was dancing with Blaine, their bodies wrapped around each other in familiarity.  Blaine was on his tip toes, whispering something into Kurt’s ear and Kurt was nodding along with whatever Blaine was saying.  Blaine turned his head and both he and Kurt looked over at Rachel and Finn.

 

When Sam and Brittany stepped up to the stage to duet together with another love song, Finn watched as Blaine grabbed Kurt by the hand and dragged him back out to the dance floor.  Finn asked Tina to dance and maneuvered them around the dance floor until they were swaying alongside Blaine and Kurt.  “Sorry, Tee,” Finn apologized, “I haven’t even had a chance to dance with Kurt yet.  So I’m going to cut in.”

 

“Sure,” Tina smiled.  

 

Finn tapped Blaine on the shoulder.  “Sorry, Dude,” he said to Blaine.   “I just realized I haven’t had a chance to dance with Kurt yet, and since I was dancing over here with your date, it seems like as good a time as any.”

 

Blaine looked up at Finn.  “Oh, sure,  Yeah.”  He smiled at Tina.  “Shall we, Lady T?”

 

“Of course.” She laughed as Blaine led her away.  

 

Finn grabbed Kurt’s hand and pulled him in close,  his other hand gripping Kurt’s hip almost possessively.  “Are you upset you’re not Blaine’s date to the wedding?” Finn asked as Kurt wrapped an arm around Finn’s shoulder and leaned in against his shoulder.

 

Kurt shook his head.  “No.  Not really.  It might send the wrong message, you know.  I’m glad we’re talking and I want to be friends.  But I just don’t know if I can go back to being Kurt and Blaine with him again.”

 

“But you sang with him tonight,” Finn said.

 

“And you sang with Rachel,”  Kurt said, with a pointed look.

 

“Fair point,”  Finn said, trying not to laugh.  “Maybe we should sing together too,”

 

“You want to?” Kurt asked.  He tilted his head up to look at Finn.  “What would we sing?”

 

“I don’t know,” Finn admitted.

 

000

 

“I’m not saying this because I wanted to be his date to the wedding, but Blaine really  should not have asked Tina as his date,”  Kurt said as he walked into the room behind Finn.  

 

Finn flopped back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling.  “I saw you and Tina yelling at each other.  What was that all about?”

 

“Did Blaine have a cold recently?  He said he had a cold.  And Tina took care of him.  And then she helped herself to him,” Kurt explained as he paced back and forth.

 

“What?!”  Finn sat up straight.

 

“He passed out, because of the cold meds, and she took it upon herself to rub vapo-rub into his chest.  She undid his shirt and rubbed his chest.  While he was sleeping.”  Kurt flopped down on the bed beside Finn.  “Blaine thinks it was sweet.  That she helped him get better.  It’s crazy-stalker crazy.”

 

Finn was about to say something when a knock sounded at the door.  He looked over at Kurt and shrugged as he stood up and went to open the door.  

 

Kurt reached over and grabbed the remote control for the TV and turned it on, beginning to flip through the measly offerings.

 

“Dude, you got a room?” Puck said when Finn opened the door.

 

“What? How’d you know I was here?” Finn asked as Puck pushed past him and into the room.

 

“Oh, hey Kurt,” Puck said as he sat down in the chair near the desk.  “Jake was up scoping out rooms, trying to swipe a key card for he and Marley.  Said he thought he saw you.  What’s up with the room?”

 

“It’s where Will, Kurt and I all got ready for the wedding today.  We’re just kind of hanging out right now,” Finn said.

 

“Hiding out from crazy exes,” Kurt clarified.  “Did you see the way Rachel’s been salivating over Finn tonight?” he shuddered.

 

“Actually I came up here hoping he hadn’t brought her up,” Puck said.  He nodded at Kurt.  “You think you can keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid?”

 

“I’ve got it Noah,” Kurt said.  

 

“You do realize I am right here and I am not going to do anything stupid.  I told you a couple of weeks ago Puck.  I’m over Rachel.”  Finn protested.

 

Puck stood up and walked towards the door, clapping Finn on the shoulder as he passed by.  “Well, I’ve yet to meet this new girl, so call me Mr. Skeptical.  Later, guys.”  

 

Finn shook his head as he sat back down on the bed.

 

“New girl?”  Kurt said as he looked over at Finn.  “You haven’t mentioned that you’re seeing anyone new.”  

 

Finn rolled his eyes.  “It’s because she doesn’t exist other than in Puck’s imagination.  Now back to this Tina and Blaine situation. That really doesn’t sound like Tina,” Finn mused.  “She probably thought she was helping.”

 

“Just imagine if I had done that to you.  Everyone would have freaked out,” Kurt explained.  “It’s the same thing.”

 

Finn closed his eyes and swallowed as he tried not to think about Kurt straddling him and rubbing anything over his chest.  Instead he tried to think back to how that would have made him feel sophomore year instead.  He shook his head.  “No, I guess you are right.  Even if they are a lot closer friends than we were.”

 

“It just goes back to what I said earlier.  When it is directed at him, Blaine is oblivious with the flirting.”   Kurt looked over to Finn.  “You knew when I was flirting with you- even before I came out.”

 

Finn smiled and shook his head.  “I don’t know how you thought we didn’t all know.  Maybe I’ve just always known you somehow.”  He felt his cheeks get warm.

 

“Maybe,”  Kurt agreed.  “Although Mercedes was my best friend at the time and she swore she didn’t know.  She was even crushing on me.”

 

“I didn’t know that,”  Finn said with a soft smile.  “You and Mercedes would have been a really cute couple.  You know, if you liked girls.”

 

“Do you not remember when she threw that rock through the windshield of the Nav?” Kurt asked just as a knock sounded at the door again.  

 

Finn rolled his eyes.  

 

“What do you want, Noah?” Kurt called as he pushed himself up off the bed and walked to the door, opening it to reveal a startled Blaine.

 

“Kurt, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Blaine said with a smile.  “I thought we were going to dance some more, maybe sing again.”

 

“I, uh, well…” Kurt stammered.

 

“Sorry to steal him away, Blaine,” Finn said apologetically, in a low voice, his hand covering the mouthpiece of his cell phone.  “We’re trying to help Mr. Schue.”

 

“Oh, right,” Blaine blinked a couple of times.  “Of course.  It’s so good of you to help out Finn and Mr. Schue.”  Blaine rubbed Kurt’s arm affectionately a couple of times.  “Maybe I’ll see you later?” he asked.  

 

“Maybe,” Kurt agreed as he shut the door.  He walked back over to the bed and flopped down and groaned in frustration.

 

“Ok. Now that Mr. Bowties is gone.  Tell me more about Mercedes and the rock.  Did she do that because you told her you were gay?” Finn asked.

 

Kurt chuckled.  “No. I told her I didn’t like her that way and tried to let her down easy without coming out.  But she caught me looking at someone else.  She thought I was mooning over Rachel, if you can believe it.”

 

“Rachel?” Finn asked incredulously.  “You guys would kill each other.”   Finn tilted his head and looked at Kurt.  “So if you weren’t mooning over Rachel, who were...oh.  Oh. Okay, yeah that makes more sense now.”

 

Kurt nodded his head.  “It was always you.  Until it was Blaine. And even then, sometimes it was still you.”  Kurt smiled sheepishly at Finn.

 

Finn opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a knock on the door.  “Grand fucking Central Station here...” he mumbled as he walked to the door and opened it.  “Rachel!”  He exclaimed when he opened the door.  

 

“Finn,” she said as she brushed past him.  “I heard from Blaine that you and Kurt are up here talking to Mr. Schue and trying to help him out and I just wanted to lend my assistance in anyway I can.”

 

“Well, uh, that’s sweet of you Rach.  But I think we have it covered,” Finn said as he pushed his hands into his suit jacket pocket; his fingers grazed something unexpected inside.  “Uh, in fact, we were just getting ready to leave.  We’re going to go pick up some pizza and have a guys night.”  Finn put a hand on Rachel’s shoulder and she looked up at him with wide eyes.  “He really does want everyone to have a good time tonight though, I mean it’s all paid for already and everything.  So you should go downstairs and make sure everyone has a good time.  Can you that for me?  For Mr. Schue?”

 

“Of course Finn.” Rachel beamed.

 

000

 

“The honeymoon suite?” Kurt asked incredulously as  he stepped through the open door, depositing his bag on the sofa.

 

“No one is going to come looking for us here.  And it’s not like Mr. Schue or Ms. P will need it tonight,” Finn said.  He put his bag next to Kurt’s.

 

“And we’re going to need it?”  Kurt asked, his eyebrows raised at Finn.

 

Finn felt his whole face flush red.  “I need something,” he said softly as he walked over to where a bottle of champagne was already sitting in a bucket of ice.  “Do you want some?  It’s practically a wedding tradition for us.” Finn held out a champagne flute in Kurt’s direction.  

 

“I didn’t realize we had ‘wedding traditions’,” Kurt joked.

 

“Sure, we go to weddings and we have a glass or two of champagne, just like at Mom and Burt’s wedding.”

 

“That hardly makes it a tradition,”  Kurt said.  “And technically, there was no wedding this time.”  Kurt took off his jacket and hung it up in the closet.

 

“Ok, I’m going to pour both glasses.  You are welcome to drink one of them.  If not, maybe I’ll drink them both,”  Finn said.  He unwrapped the foil and popped the cork out of bottle, proceeding to get some over his hands and onto the carpet.  

 

“Well don’t waste it all,” Kurt said as he stepped over to Finn and grabbed the flutes, filling them with the effervescing liquid.  He handed one to Finn.

 

Finn put the bottle back in the ice bucket before accepting the flute from Kurt.  He licked and sucked at the excess champagne on his hand.  “Thanks.  Let’s toast to something.  I think I read once before that it’s bad luck to drink champagne and not toast.”

 

“Ok, what do we toast to then?” Kurt used the hand not holding the champagne flute to loosen his bow tie.  

 

“I don’t know,” Finn said as he walked to the bathroom.  He rinsed and dried his hands, bringing the hand towel with him to soak up the champagne on the floor.  “Can we drink to us?”

 

“To us?” Kurt asked.

 

“To us,” Finn repeated.  “To our new academic beginnings.”

 

“I’ll drink to that,” Kurt said.  He smiled as he clinked his glass with Finn’s.  

 

Finn downed the whole flute of champagne in one gulp and put it back on the table.  He took off his jacket and hung it in the closet next to Kurt’s.  He unhooked his bow tie and jammed it into the jacket pocket.  “There’s another wedding tradition we’re missing out on,”  Finn said as he took his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through the screens.  

 

“I’m sure there are many,” Kurt said.  He finished his glass of champagne and put the flute on the table next to Finn’s.  Music began to drift out of Finn’s phone, and he smiled.  “Oh, yes. We did miss out on this one.  But we did dance.”

 

“Not to this song though.  Not our song,” Finn said, his eyes twinkling as he smiled at Kurt.  He tipped his head at Kurt.  “Can I have this dance?”

 

“I feel like I can hardly begrudge you a dance to our song, now can I.” Kurt smiled as he stepped into Finn’s arms.  

 

“We might as well just let everyone know now; all future New Directions weddings must include this song at the reception so I can dance with you,”  Finn said.

 

Kurt laughed as he rested his head against Finn’s shoulder.  “Ok.”

 

When the song ended, Kurt moved out of Finn’s arms.  Finn went over to his phone and turned down the volume of music, letting it play softly in the background.  “More?” Finn asked as he tilted his head at the bottle of champagne.  

 

Kurt shrugged as he sat on the bed and kicked off his dress shoes.  “Sure, why not.”  He curled his legs underneath himself.  Kurt unbuttoned the top two buttons on his dress shirt and his cuffs, rolling them up past his elbows.

 

Finn poured more champagne into the flutes and carried them over to the bed holding one out to Kurt.  He toed off his shoes and sat down on the bed.  He put his glass of champagne on the bedside table.  Finn also unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt.   He reached for the champagne and swallowed a mouthful before putting it back again.  

 

Finn stretched out on top of the bed, laying on his side, with his head pillowed on his arm.  He nudged Kurt with one of his legs until Kurt turned to look at him. “I remember, what you said in January.  About how I need to be aware of my actions.  How you don’t want to feel like you did before.  About me.”  Finn flopped over onto his back, resting his hands across his chest as he looked up to the ceiling.  “But what if that isn’t what I want?” Finn whispered as he closed his eyes.  He could feel Kurt’s eyes burning through him.  

 

Kurt laid back against the bed, turning onto his side, facing Finn.  He reached over with one hand and put it on Finn’s hands on top of his chest.  “What do you want?”

 

Finn opened his eyes and looked over at Kurt.  “You, I think,” he chuckled. _“I want you.”_

 

“Me?” Kurt squeaked.  Kurt stared at Finn, wide-eyed and unbelieving.

 

“I know I have no right to feel like this or to think you could do this again,” Finn said.  “But what I’d really like right now though, is to kiss you.”   Finn leaned up and pressed his lips to Kurt’s.  He brought one hand up to cup the side of Kurt’s face, while the other moved to the back of his head and ran through his hair.  Finn moved his lips against Kurt’s, for the first time, truly kissing him. He nipped slightly at Kurt’s bottom lip before ending the kiss.  “Is this okay?” he asked as he pulled away, turning onto his back again,  looking at Kurt.

 

Kurt nodded.  “It’s very okay,” he murmured as the fingers of one hand stroked the side of Finn’s face.  “But, why now?  What’s going on here?” Kurt asked, staring deeply into Finn’s eyes.

 

Finn shook his head as he pulled Kurt’s chest down flush against his own.  “I don’t know.  Honestly, I’m trying not to think about it too much, I’m trying to just go with what I’m feeling.  Maybe that is why I’m not freaking out or anything.  I just don’t know,” Finn admitted.  He kissed Kurt again.  “Is that okay?  Is it okay for me to not know?” he asked.  

 

Finn felt Kurt nod in agreement against his chest.  “What are you feeling then?” Kurt asked.

 

“I’m feeling stupid for not realizing how amazing you were before.  It’s like maybe you loved me more than anyone ever has.  I sort of feel like I’m lost without you.”  Finn felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment.  “I think I could be falling for you.”

 

Finn watched as Kurt’s mouth formed a delicate ‘o’ shape and his clear, blue eyes widened. He could feel Kurt’s heart beating, it’s pace increasing slightly.    

 

“Is it too weird for you, because of what we talked about before?  Is that what this is?  Just say the word and I’ll,” Finn stumbled over the words, “I’ll, I don’t know, try to act more normal?  I’ll act like a real brother should.”  Finn chuckled darkly.  

 

Kurt shook his head.  “I’m just afraid Finn,” Kurt mumbled softly, looking up into Finn’s brown eyes. “It would be easy- too easy, for me to fall for you again.  Over Christmas, just even those ten days, Finn, ten days and I felt like I was falling apart when you left.”

 

“I promise.  I’m not going to let you fall apart Kurt.  And I don’t want to hurt you,”  Finn explained.  “I would never be able to forgive myself if I ruined what we have right now, as brothers, as best friends. That’s really important to me.”

 

“Me too,” Kurt agreed.  

 

They laid there for several minutes, just holding onto each other, and processing.  “But I think this could be really important too,” Finn said before he began kissing Kurt in earnest again.  When he felt Kurt’s tongue running the seam of his lips, he parted them willingly, allowing Kurt’s tongue to slide into his mouth.

 

Finn moaned into the kiss as he felt Kurt’s perfect little teeth nipping at his lower lip.  Kurt’s lips left his, but trailed over his jaw, down his neck and settled along his collar bones, leaving a trail of deliciously wet, cool kisses in their wake.  Finn’s fingers  raked through Kurt’s hair, and while he thought Kurt might get upset at him for messing it up, Kurt seemed to not care at all.  Finn tugged at the sides of Kurt’s head, to pull him back up into a kiss.

 

Finn thrust his tongue into Kurt’s mouth this time; exploring, stroking, pulling needy little whines from Kurt’s throat. He pushed his body up off the bed and rolled them so Kurt was now laying back against the bed, Finn hovering above him.  Kurt bent his left leg, placing his foot flat against the bed.  Finn’s right hand came down to grip at his hip, his fingers splaying against the back of Kurt’s upper thigh while his thumb stroked back and forth over the juncture of his leg and hip.  

 

Kurt pulled his lips from Finn’s and pressed his head back into the pillows, arching his neck and back.  His other leg, sandwiched between both of Finn’s, brushed lightly against Finn as Finn began to kiss down his neck.  Finn groaned at the contact.  Kurt wrapped the bent leg around Finn’s waist, encouraging Finn to drop his hips into contact with Kurt again.  “Uh, careful Finn,” Kurt moaned.  “My skin marks easy.  You should, ah, oh, move lower, and yeah, keep doing that.”

 

Finn moved his hand from Kurt’s hip and began undoing the next buttons on Kurt’s shirt as he pressed a line of closed mouth kisses down his chest.  He moved his hips, rutting against Kurt again as he pulled himself up and attacked Kurt’s mouth again; kissing him fast and dirty.   _“Fuck Kurt.”_

 

Kurt put his hands on Finn’s chest and pushed lightly.  “We need to stop,” he said softly.

 

Finn’s eyes were wide and dark.  “What?” he asked as he pushed up onto his knees and sat back on his legs.

 

“I mean, I’d rather not do this in my suit,” Kurt explained pushing himself up on his elbows.  “Let me up, and I’ll go change.  You should too.”

 

Finn grinned down at Kurt.  “Or I could just do this.”  Finn reached down and pulled Kurt’s shirt out of his pants, slowly undoing the buttons and pushing it off his shoulders.  “God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered reverently. “Oops, sorry about that.”  Finn’s fingers skated over the discoloration that had blossomed in the hollow of Kurt’s collarbone.

 

Kurt’s eyes flicked down to where Finn was touching him and he shrugged.  “It’s low enough.  I should be able to keep it covered easily.”

 

Finn leaned in and kissed Kurt gently.  “Can I?” he asked, as he broke the kiss and moved his hands to Kurt’s belt.  

 

Kurt nodded, biting down on his lower lip.  He reached for Finn’s shirt and started undoing the buttons.  Finn shrugged out of his shirt after he opened Kurt’s belt and his pants.  Kurt’s hands moved to the belt and fly of Finn’s pants.  The back of his knuckles brushed gently against Finn.  Finn closed his eyes and dropped his head back, moaning slightly.  

 

Finn shifted off of Kurt, standing beside the bed and pushing his pants off his hips and allowing them and his shirt to fall to the floor.  He stepped out of them and bent down to pick them up.  Wearing nothing but his black boxer briefs and socks, Finn held out his arm to Kurt, who draped his own shirt over Finn’s arm.  Kurt arched his back, pushing his hips and legs off the bed as he pushed his dress pants down his hips.  Finn grinned as he grabbed at the legs of Kurt’s pants and tugged them off, leaving Kurt in a similar state of undress.  He hung the clothes over the back of the desk chair before returning to sit beside Kurt on the bed.  

 

Kurt reached up and cupped the side of Finn’s face.  “Are you alright?” he asked.  

 

Finn smiled as he cupped Kurt’s cheek.  “I am.  This is great, amazing. You’re amazing Kurt.”

 

Finn laughed as Kurt’s cheeks colored and it ran down his neck and shoulders and partially down his chest. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Kurt’s, shuffling onto the bed and blanketing Kurt’s body with his own.  

 


	5. Coming Clean

[](http://minus.com/i/bfvJKob7oDK7W)

 

“How was your visit with Kurt?  How was the wedding?” Travis asked when Finn returned to his dorm several days later.  

 

“Uh,” Finn chuckled, “the wedding didn’t happen.  But it was still a pretty good party.”  Finn threw his jacket across the desk and unpacked the few things in his duffle bag.  

 

“Lot’s of singing I bet,”  Travis said.

 

“Yes, there was a lot of singing,” Finn said.  

 

“And your visit with Kurt?” Travis asked.  

 

Finn flopped down on his bed and rolled over onto his back, staring up the ceiling.  “It was good.  Sometimes I think I should have gone to New York too.  Even if I was just hauling garbage or something.”

 

“Kurt makes living in New York sound good huh?” Travis asked.

 

“What? No.  I mean I still don’t think I am New York good at anything, but I mean; Kurt’s been gone like two hours, and I’m already missing him.”  Finn rolled over and looked at Travis.  “It sucks that he’s just not across the hall.  That I won’t see him at breakfast.  That he won’t bring me warm milk and scritch his fingers through my hair until I’m sleepy.”

 

Travis blinked at Finn a couple of times before he spoke again.  “Puck came by a couple of times.  He didn’t realize you were staying at home while Kurt was in town.  Kinda strange you didn’t tell your best friend that.”

 

“It was a spur of the moment decision,”  Finn said.  

 

“He also tagged you in a couple of photos and videos from the wedding on facebook.”  Travis looked at Finn.  “You sang with Kurt.  You danced with Kurt.”

 

Finn shrugged, “He’s my brother.  We don’t get to sing together as much as we would like, and it’s becoming a wedding tradition for us to dance together now.”

 

“I know you guys are close.  And it’s probably easiest to describe your relationship with the word brother, but you’re not really related,”  Travis said.

 

“I know that,” Finn scoffed.

 

“The way you talk about him.  The way you look at him,” Travis said.  “What I don’t understand is why aren’t you together, like a couple, romantically?”  

 

“What? I… We...uh,” Finn stammered, his eyes wide.  “It’s complicated, okay?”

 

“What’s so complicated about it?” Travis asked.  “You care about each other.  It’s clear.”

 

“Of course we do Travis.  You don’t go through what Kurt and I have been through and not care about each other.”  Finn huffed and rolled over onto his back again.  

 

“I’m not even sure I’ve cared for a couple of the guys I’ve dated as much as I can tell you care about Kurt,” Travis explained.  At Finn’s shocked expression he pressed on.  “I know you have fun together, but why do you have fun together?”

 

“He makes me laugh.  He teaches me things, but he never makes me feel stupid.  He’s patient with me; he makes me feel like I could do anything,” Finn said.

 

“Do you find it easy to talk to him?” Travis asked.

 

“I can talk to Kurt about almost anything.  I trust him with everything,” Finn said.

 

“Would you date Kurt if he was a girl?”

 

“Sure,” Finn said.  “But he’s not, so there is no point in discussing it.”

 

“Would you date him even if he was a girl that was your step-sister?”  Travis asked.

 

“Probably.  It’s not like we’re really related, right?”  Finn said.

 

“Do you think he’s attractive?”

 

“What? C’mon, Travis!” Finn said.

 

“Answer the question, Finn,” Travis said.

 

“Fine.”  Finn threw his hands in the air.  “ _He’s fucking beautiful, okay_?!  Was that what you wanted to hear?”

 

Travis shook his head.  “This isn’t about what I want to hear.  It’s about what you need  to hear."

 

000

 

In New York, at the loft, Kurt unpacked his suitcase, taking a white and black striped hoodie from his suitcase and putting it on his bed.  He unpacked the bottle of his mom's perfume and placed it on top of his dresser.  When he had successfully put everything away, Kurt changed into a warm pair of flannel pants and long sleeve tee shirt, pulling the hoodie he stole from Finn over top.  He lifted one arm to his face and inhaled the little bit of Finn’s scent that remained on the fabric.  Kurt pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts bringing up Finn.  He sat down on his bed and tucked his legs under himself before texting a brief message.

 

_I made it back to NY safe and sound  Miss you_

 

**Miss you too**

 

_Now to figure out how to sleep alone_

 

**I know  Laying here feels like something is missing**

 

_I don’t think I told you but I had a really good time_

 

**I’m glad  I had a good time too  You’re amazing Kurt**

 

Kurt sat in the darkness of his room in the loft, thinking about his trip home.  There had been nothing about the trip that he had expected, apart from Blaine.  Kurt was grateful that he had stayed in Lima a couple of days later than Santana and Rachel. It gave him more time with his family, and it gave him the whole flight home and drive to the airport to mull things over in his brain.  Finn had been maddening quiet on the return drive to the airport and had barely engaged in any conversation Kurt had offered.  In the end, Kurt had opted to remain just as silent.  

 

It might have been enough to make Kurt think that Finn was brooding about something or was upset with him, but once Kurt had stopped trying to initiate a conversation, Finn had reached out and placed a large warm hand on Kurt’s thigh.  He left it there for the majority of the trip, moving it when he needed to but always returning it.  Finn didn’t even seem to mind when Kurt placed one of his own hands on top of Finn’s.  Finn’s hand did two things to Kurt.  It ground Kurt to the moment and almost soothed the raw emotions that were bubbling at the surface, but it didn’t change the fact that Kurt was, in fact, leaving again.  It also made Kurt think of the night of the wedding.

 

Kissing Finn, really kissing him, had been in some ways like everything Kurt had imagined all those years ago.  But in other ways it was a completely different experience.  Kurt had almost expected Finn to be clumsy, eager, and strong- the qualities he saw in him daily.  But laying in that bed together, Finn’s body blanketing his own, Finn had been soft, gentle, vulnerable and almost hesitant. Perhaps it had to do with Finn’s own internal conflict regarding what this could mean about him but in the end, Kurt had really never felt quite so precious to anyone as he had that night with Finn.   

 

There had been sweet and tender moments, kissing and hands exploring.  But there had been honest desire and raw lust in the way they marked each other’s skin in places, or the way their hips snapped together in a maddening rhythm until Finn had climaxed.  Finn’s body was heavy against his for a few moments, and Kurt shifted to get his hand on himself for his own release.  But Finn had simply gripped his wrist and looked into his eyes.  He brought Kurt’s hand up to his mouth and pressed a single open mouthed kiss to his palm before pulling that arm up above Kurt’s head and holding it there against the mattress.  Then Finn shifted his body slightly, allowing him to wrap his other hand around Kurt and stroke him to completion.  

 

Kurt would have been embarrassed that it had taken very few strokes before he climaxed, but the fact was, Kurt had to bite his lip to keep from coming the second Finn’s large hand had wrapped around him.  It was the kind of thing Kurt had only dreamed possible.  And the pleased moan that had erupted from Finn when Kurt coated his hand was the biggest compliment Kurt had ever received.  

 

The buzzing of his phone on the bed pulled Kurt from his thoughts.  A quick glance at the caller id and his face lit up in a smile.  “Finn,” he whispered into the darkness.

 

“Hey, Kurt,” Finn said, his voice deep but whisper soft.  “I couldn’t sleep, figured you might not be sleeping either.”

 

“I wasn’t.  Haven’t even tried yet honestly.”  Kurt shifted on the bed and moved under the blankets.  

 

“I’m just staring at the ceiling.  I’m thinking too much probably,” Finn said.

 

“About the night of the wedding?” Kurt asked.  

 

“And other things, yes,”  Finn said.

 

“You know Finn, it doesn’t have to mean anything,”  Kurt said softly, tears pricking at his eyes.

 

Finn chuckled darkly.  “Except that it does Kurt.  It means everything.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt sniffled.

 

“What? No, Kurt.” Finn said.  “I was trying to say that it did mean something, because it was you.  I’d never do that to you.  I wouldn’t use you like that.”

 

“I know.” Kurt said.  “It’s just we didn’t talk about it after.  And things were different after that.”

 

“We were staying at the house with Mom and Burt.  I thought I was pushing the limits sleeping in your bed with you every night,” Finn said.  “I figured I could probably explain our falling asleep together or maybe even a kiss.  Couldn’t figure out a way to explain anything else without giving Burt a heart attack.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to.”

 

“Oh,” Kurt sighed, “I never thought it of like that.”

 

“I miss you,”  Finn said softly.

 

“I miss you too,”  Kurt agreed.  “Do you still think we should do something in March?  Use some of those air miles?”

 

“Definitely.  I could come back to New York,” Finn said.  

 

“You want to be here with Santana and Rachel?” Kurt asked.

 

“No,” Finn huffed, “but I want to come see you.  Maybe we can hop a train or something and go somewhere.”

 

"That is a possibility."  Kurt yawned.  “Thank you.  I might actually be able to sleep tonight.

 

“Yeah?” Finn said.  “But I didn’t do anything but talk to you.”

 

“It’s all I needed apparently.”  Kurt yawned again.  “Night, Finn.”

 

“Night Kurt, sweet dreams,” Finn whispered.  

 

000

 

“So thanks for tagging Kurt and me in all those videos and photos from the wedding. But how did you get them?” Finn asked as he stood over Puck, spotting him on the weight bench the day after Kurt returned to New York.

 

“Kitty. She was hoping for excellent blackmail material but apparently you are all way too boring.” Puck huffed as he pushed the bar of weights off his chest.

 

“What was she expecting? I think all the excitement happened before the reception,” Finn said.

 

“I don’t know. Proof of drunken hook ups? Maybe a couple of brawls?” Puck pushed the bar back onto it’s bracket and sat up, taking the offered towel from Finn. “You and Hummel though, being all respectful and happy and singing with your exes though; making us look all grown up and shit.”

 

“Yeah, well maybe Kurt and I didn’t think that through too much. Because maybe it sent the wrong message to Blaine and Rachel,” Finn said.

 

“So Kurt isn’t looking to get back together with Hobbitson?” Puck asked.

 

“Um, no I don’t think so,” Finn said, ducking his head, his cheeks feeling warm.

 

“Well that’s good. I mean; I get that Blaine was good for Kurt, back then, when McKinley was hell. But Kurt seems stronger, better now, with New York at his feet. Seeing him with Blaine is almost like watching him regress,” Puck said as they walked towards the locker room.

 

“Yeah, New York has been pretty good for Kurt. But it’s where he’s wanted to be since, well as long as I’ve known him,” Finn said.

 

“So school’s going good for him?” Puck asked.

 

“Yeah, he seems to like it. He and Rachel had a bit of a Diva-Off which he won; although I wouldn’t bring that up around Rach.  And he’s joined a new singing group there,” Finn said.

 

“Is he dating at all?” Puck asked. “He just seems; well, really happy.”

 

“Uh, there is this guy Adam in the singing group. Kurt said they’ve been on a couple of dates, but it’s not serious,” Finn said. “But he does really like New York, except that it’s so far from here. You know, with Burt being sick and all.”

 

Puck shrugged. “Makes sense, I guess. How is Burt doing?”

 

“As good as can be expected is what mom says. We spent a bunch of time doing silly ‘family’ stuff with them while Kurt was in town. You know movie night, family game night. And mom took a thousand pictures,” Finn said as he sat down on the bench in front of his locker.

 

Puck laughed. “Yeah, I can see Carole doing that. I was kind of surprised you went and stayed at home when Kurt was in town, but it probably meant a lot to your mom and Burt to have you both at home again.”

 

Finn smiled. “Yeah. It felt good, all of us under one roof again. Kurt and I didn’t even argue too much.” Finn pulled his shirt off over his head.

 

“Dude!” Puck exclaimed. “Where did those come from?” he gestured at a series of bruises and slight bites littering Finns upper chest and shoulders.

 

Finn looked down and blushed. “Shit!” he exclaimed softly. He looked up at Puck and offered him a wry smile. “Told you I’m over Rachel. I’d thought they would have faded by now; they’re a couple of days old.”

 

“Are you finally going to tell me who this mystery girl is?” Puck asked.

 

“It’s not so much of a mystery,” Finn said.

 

“So I know her then,” Puck said.

 

Finn bit his lip and nodded. “You could say that.”

 

“It’s not Quinn is it? Because I heard she hooked up with someone at the wedding but…” Puck said.

 

Finn shook his head. “Not Quinn.”

 

“It’s not Brittany or Tina is it? Because you’re like their teacher now and shit even if we’ve all been friends forever,” Puck said.

 

Finn nodded. “Yeah, that is really weird and no, not Brit or Tina. Tina’s gone kinda crazy and has a very inappropriate crush on Blaine. Wait, who’d Quinn hook up with though? Was it Mike?”

 

Puck cast a glance around before lowering his voice. “Santana.”

 

“Wow,” Finn said softly. “That’s kind of unexpected.”

 

“I know. It would be like you and Kurt finally hooking up,” Puck said.

 

Finn whipped his head around. “Finally? Why would you say finally?” he stammered.

 

“It’s just one of those things; you and Kurt. Like no one expects you to hook up but I doubt anyone would truly be surprised if you did,” Puck said.

 

“Well, it’s not a hook up, not really,” Finn said softly.

 

Puck rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know. You don’t do hook ups after that disaster with Santana. And you wouldn’t do something like that to Kurt.”

 

“Exactly,” Finn said. “I can’t just fool around with Kurt.”

 

“No, I know. I’m not saying you are, Finn. I’m just saying, if you and Kurt did get together, it wouldn’t be that surprising,” Puck said.

 

“You’re not surprised then,” Finn said looking at Puck out of the corner of his eyes.

 

“I wouldn’t be, no. Not really,” Puck said.

 

“Because it’s true,” Finn shrugged. “Kurt’s the reason I know I’m over Rachel. This,” Finn gestured at the hickeys, “was Kurt.”

 

Puck’s eyes widened. “Get out of here, Finn.”

 

Finn looked at Puck. “You don’t believe me?”

 

“You’re sleeping with Kurt?” Puck asked.

 

“Not exactly. I mean we’ve slept together in the same bed and everything, but we haven’t had sex. Not really,” Finn babbled.

 

Puck shook his head. “I’m torn between not wanting gay sex details and wanting to know what ‘not really had sex’ means.”

 

“I wouldn’t give you details with a girl. I’m not giving you details with Kurt,” Finn said as he snapped a towel at Puck.

 

“So how long has this been going on?” Puck asked. “No wonder he doesn’t want to get back together with Blaine. But- you said he’s dating someone in the city.”

 

Finn sighed. “Yeah, he’s kind of dating this Adam guy. And I know Kurt wants to be friends with Blaine again, because they were like best friends, like you and I. But I don’t think he could ever get past the hurt so it wouldn’t be good for them to get back together,” Finn explained. “I guess this, between Kurt and I, started at Christmas, but nothing really happened until Kurt came home this time. And it’s not like we’re dating. Maybe at some point but not right now.”

 

“I wonder how Kurt’s BFF Blaine is going to take the news if the two of you do get together?” Puck asked.

 

“Oh, shit! Dude is totally going to punch me in the nuts,” Finn said.

 

“Better make sure you get the chance to tap that before then.” Puck smirked at Finn.

 

“Dude,” Finn hissed. “That’s still my br- that’s still Kurt you’re talking about. Uncool, Puckerman. Uncool.” He shook his head at Puck.

 

000

 

“Remind me again how you managed to talk me into this,” Finn said as he walked into The Ripcord with Travis on Friday the first of March.  

 

“First off, its student night, so even though we’re not twenty one we get in by showing a valid college id and get these awesome no drinking wristbands,” Travis said as he rolled his eyes.  He led them over to a small table near the pool tables.  “Secondly, yes, this is a gay bar but I am positive there are straight guys here, straight girls here too.  Third, it’s 80’s night, and I know from your glee club videos that your ex-Rachel has uploaded to you tube, that you love REO Speedwagon, Foreigner and Journey.”   

 

Finn shrugged and sighed exasperatedly. “I could have stayed at home and listened to the same music.  Could have played the same music on my drums.”

 

“Look Finn, I’m trying to give you to opportunity to explore a little,” Travis said.  “You’re my roommate and a pretty decent one at that.  Maybe you can use tonight to help figure out is it just Kurt, guys like Kurt, or guys and girls?”   

 

Finn stared at Travis like he was speaking a different language.  

 

“You said you get the feeling Kurt isn’t taking your feelings, your attraction, seriously because you haven’t really changed how you identify.  I thought this might allow you a little anonymity but also give you the chance to meet people, talk to them, get their stories, explore your own.  It might help.”  Travis reached over and clapped Finn’s shoulder a couple of times.

 

“I’m not sure,” Finn said.  

 

“I’m going to go dance.  You are more than welcome to sit here and sulk.  But if you let yourself, you might actually have a little fun tonight.”  Travis stood up and walked out to the dance floor, immediately maneuvering himself into a small cluster of guys.

 

Finn sat at the table; arms folded across his chest; legs stuck out in front of him.  He scowled at the room at large and pouted.  He didn’t really handle being confronted well, usually it ended up with him either breaking down emotionally, or kicking at a chair or something.  Finn was about to stand up and storm off, maybe take some of his frustration out on pool tables when a flirty voice addressed him.

 

“Can I get you something to drink sugar?” the voice asked.  

 

Finn turned around and found himself almost eye to eye with one of the tallest girls he had ever met. She had a short bob of blue-black hair and eyes rimmed in fushia eye makeup with pale skin and dark plum lips.  She was holding a serving tray with a couple of empties and glasses on it, and she was wearing a shirt with the club’s logo and a small apron tied around her waist.

 

He flashed her his best adorable smile, “Sure, a beer.  Whatever’s on tap.” He said.  

 

She eyed him sideways as she picked up his hand with the bracelet just above it.  “Sorry sugar, but that one tells me I can only bring you non-wobbly pops so how about you choose again.”  

 

He rolled his eyes as he pulled his hand from her grasp.  “Fine.  A coke.  And I’ll be over there by the tables.” He gestured to the pool tables he had been eying up before she arrived.  

 

Finn walked up to one of the racks near the pool tables and took out cue, holding it in his hands before putting it back and repeating this process a handful of times before he found a cue that felt right to him.  He stood back against the wall and watched as a tall African-American guy finished up a game against a perky blonde girl.  

 

“Sorry, Carly,” the guy said, “your game is improving, but mine’s still tops.”  

 

The blonde shook the guys hand before she replaced her cue in the rack.  She gave Finn a quick once over and smiled, before she headed out to the dance floor.  

 

“You up next tall, dark, and brooding?” the guy asked as he raised his eyebrows at Finn.  

 

“Sure, I guess.” Finn shrugged.  He stuck out his hand.  “Finn,” he offered by way of introduction.

 

“Carter,” the guy replied, shaking Finn’s hand forcibly.  “Usually people are pretty jazzed to be here, or are you one of the strong, silent, brooding types.”

 

Finn wasn’t sure, but he thought Carter might be flirting with him.  He tried not to encourage him, because despite what Travis thought, Finn didn’t feel flirting with some random guy in a gay bar was going to help him with Kurt.  “My roommate dragged me out tonight.  Not really my idea.”

 

Carter pulled a quarter from his pocket and held it up.  “Flip for break? Call it in the air.” He instructed as he flipped the coin into the air, grabbed it and turned it over onto the back of his hand.  

 

“Tails,” Finn replied without thought.  

 

Carter pulled away his hand and smiled.  “Tails it is.  Your break, Finn,” he said as he racked the balls.  

 

Finn broke easily enough, sending the balls over the table in all directions.  

 

“Nice,” Carter whistled.  “Bad break up then?”

 

“Huh?” Finn asked as he took his next shot.

 

“The feelings you’re taking out on these poor helpless billard balls- are they from a bad break up?” Carter said.

 

Finn shook his head as he lined up a more difficult shot.  “Nah.  This is just not really my scene you know.  But my roommate thought he was being helpful.”  Finn missed the shot and scowled.  

 

Carter lined up his shot.  “Clubs aren’t your scene?”

 

“Nah, can’t really dance,” Finn said.  “I’m kinda known for it in fact.”

 

Carter tilted his head back towards the dance floor.  “That’s not really dancing.  It’s more like cramped sardines fighting for air.”  He took a second shot and missed.  

 

Finn laughed at Carter’s description.  He moved around to where Carter was standing and lined up his next shot, it wasn’t an easy shot but Finn made it.  

 

Carter leaned in close, “Good shot, Finn.”  His breath tickled at the side of Finn’s face, warmth hitting his ear and neck.  Finn shivered at the sensation.

 

“Th-thanks” Finn stammered as he stood back up, bumping into Carter as he did so.  

 

“Easy there,” Carter said as he put his hands on Finn’s shoulders, letting them run down his arms.

 

Finn turned around, almost face to face with Carter. “Sorry.” He mumbled.  “I’m not…, I mean, I’m kinda already with someone.”

 

Carter’s eyes twinkled with the pulsing club lights.  “The roommate?” he asked.

 

Finn took a step backwards, shaking his head.  “No.”

 

“Is he here?” Carter asked.  

 

Finn shook his head again.  “No.”

 

Carter was about to speak again when the waitress appeared with Finn’s coke.  “You’re not picking on this guy too much now, are you ,Carter Kelly?” she quipped.  

 

“Just enough, Amelia.” Carter winked.

 

“Don’t let Carter get to you,” Amelia said as she handed Finn his coke.

 

Finn fished a couple of bills out of his pocket and thrust them at her.  “Keep the change.”

 

“Seriously, don’t let Carter bug you.  He’s mostly harmless if not a little shameless,”  Amelia said as she put a comforting hand on Finn’s shoulder.  

 

“Thanks.” Finn managed to smile.  

 

Carter rolled his eyes at Amelia.  “Shouldn’t you be getting back to work, Amelia?  It’s your shot, Finn.”

 

“I’ll be back.”  Amelia cackled as she walked away.  “I’m working a short shift tonight, just filling in.”  

 

Finn moved over to line up his next shot.  

 

“So tell me about your guy,” Carter said as Finn took the shot, shocking him and making him miss.

 

“M-m-my guy?” Finn stammered as he stood up.

 

“Sure, you said there is someone,” Carter said as he moved around the table eyeing up shots.

 

“Uh, well,” Finn exhaled loudly, “his name is Kurt.  We’ve known each other a couple of years now.”

 

Carter lined up his shot and took it, easily sinking a ball.  “So where’s Kurt tonight?”

 

Finn leaned back against the wall.  “New York.  He lives there now.”

 

“Ouch,” Carter said as he took another shot.  “Long distance relationships suck.”

 

“We’re not really in a long distance relationship,” Finn said.  “We’re not really in a relationship.  Part of it could be the distance because he was hurt pretty badly by his ex when they tried the long distance thing.”

 

Carter missed his next shot and moved off to the side, allowing Finn to set up a new shot.  “So what’s the other part of you guys not really being in a relationship?”

 

“Kurt and I have a complicated history.  And truthfully he’s the only guy I’ve ever had feelings like this for,”  Finn said.  He sank two more balls and moved to the eight ball.

 

“Oh.  Well what’s so complicated about your history?” Carter asked.    

 

Finn chuckled.  “It might be easier to tell you what isn’t complicated.”  Finn made the shot, effectively ending the game.  

 

“Good game. Congratulations,”  Carter said.  “Don’t think that gets you out of the story though.  Talk to me about complicated.”  Carter led Finn over to a table near the bar; then he flagged down Amelia the waitress from earlier.

 

Amelia smiled as she sat down across from Finn.  “Hey, boys.”

 

“Amelia, this is Finn,” Carter introduced them.  

 

Finn nodded politely at Amelia. “Hi.”

 

“Finn here was just about to tell me all about his guy troubles,” Carter explained.  “His name is Kurt, he lives in New York and they aren’t in a relationship because it’s complicated.  Oh, and this is Finn’s first boy crush.”

 

“Oh, boy troubles,” Amelia  groaned.  “It’s why I gave up boys.”

 

Finn laughed. “Sorry; it’s just Kurt said something like that to me about girls back when we first kind of became friends.”

 

“Stalling,” Carter quipped.

 

Finn glared at Carter.  “Uhm, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

 

“Start at the beginning,” Amelia suggested.  

 

“Ok, so Kurt, had a crush on me a long time ago, and I said some pretty hurtful things to him,” Finn said.

 

“But obviously, you’re still friends or something,” Carter said.  

 

Finn nodded.  “We got past that I think.  Right now, he lives with both my ex-fiance and the girl I lost my virginity to.”

 

“I’m sure they could tell him a story or two,” Carter joked.  

 

“Trust me, I’m afraid of exactly that,” Finn said.   “I’m glee club coach to his ex-boyfriend.  I was there, when they broke up.  It was also sort of when I broke up with my ex that he lives with.”

 

“Weird,” Amelia stated.  “Unless your relationships were ending so you guys could be together.”

 

“No,” Finn shook his head wildly.   “And, we’re step-brothers.  Kurt set our parents up when we were in high school so we would be forced to spend time together.  I don’t think he anticipated them getting married. ”

 

“That is complicated,” Carter exclaimed.  

 

Finn nodded.  “I mean the last thing I want to do is screw this up and hurt him, because we’ve already had our share of issues that have threatened to rip our family apart.  And family is really important to both of us because we were each alone with our one parent for so long.”

 

“But you guys get along ok right?  I mean if you’re step-brothers and all,” Carter said.  

 

“Sure,” Finn said.  “We’re close, like brothers.   So we can’t be reckless with this and just fool around; although really that’s not either of our styles either.  But he’s there, and I’m here and it sucks.”  

 

Amelia’s hand reached for one of Finn’s playing with the nightly specials menu.  “It’s not just a crush is it, Finn?”

 

“No, I don’t think it is,” Finn agreed.  “I mean, I love him.  But I loved him long before I liked him.  We’re family.”  Finn sighed.  “Like I said; it’s complicated.”

 

“Plenty of relationships are complicated though, to be honest,” Amelia said.  “You’ve just got to figure out if they’re worth it.”

 

Finn nodded.  He was beginning to think Kurt was really worth it.  Finn thought Kurt might be worth everything.

 

“I thought dating boys could be worth it, just because it might be ‘easier’,” Amelia said, “but in the end, I was miserable.  For me, girls, the girls I’ve dated specifically, have been worth it.  Sure, none of them have lasted, but for the most part we’ve gone on with our lives and are still in contact even after breaking up.  Break ups don’t have to be disastrous and damaging.”

 

“I guess,” Finn shrugged.  “I suppose I’m still friendly with my exes too.  Although Rach might freak out if Kurt and I get together.”

 

“Homophobic?” Carter asked.

 

Finn laughed loudly.  “No, kind of the opposite actually.  Rachel has two gay dads, and she’s great about all of that kind of stuff.  It’s just, well, she’s the ex-finance.”

 

Carter raised his eyebrows.  “So you obviously like girls, or was the wedding called off because you realized your feelings for Kurt?”

 

“Called off because I loved her too much,” Finn said.  “She was going to give up all of her dreams for me.  I couldn’t let her do that.  I’m not worth it.”

 

“I think there are people who could think you’re worth it,” Carter said with a sly smile.

 

Finn felt a blush creep up his face.  

 

“So Finn, do you like Pizza?” Carter asked.

 

“Sure who doesn’t like pizza,” Finn said.  He eyed Carter suspiciously.  

 

“Do you have a favorite?”

 

“Hawaiian- cause it’s got ham, but also pineapple which is super sweet, so it’s like dessert,” Finn said.

 

“Do you always get the same type of pizza?”

 

“No, but pizza’s pizza.  It’s always good.”  Finn looked at Carter.  “Where are you going with this?”

 

Carter smiled.  “Just go with it.  What do you like better?  Pizza or Burgers?”

 

“Uh- Do I have to choose?” Finn asked.  

 

Carter grinned.  “Nope.  But that was kind of the point.  You like Pizza.  You like all kinds of Pizza.  But just because you like Pizza, that doesn’t mean you can’t like burgers too.  Maybe you like all kinds of burgers.  Maybe you just like Whoppers.  One doesn’t have to exclude the others.”

 

Amelia rolled her eyes.  “Only a guy would make that metaphor with fast food, Carter.”

 

“Oh,” Finn exclaimed softly.  His eyes widened as he considered Carter comparing Kurt to a Whopper.  And then it went places that made Finn wish Kurt was there with him.   “Yeah, that does kind of make sense.”  Finn looked from Amelia to Carter and back to Amelia.  He nodded his head towards her, “So you like Pizza.”

 

“In this case, yes” Amelia replied.

 

“And you like Burgers,” Finn said to Carter.  

 

“I like Burgers and Pizza,” Carter said.  “In fact my favorite pizza is a Bacon Double Cheeseburger Pizza.”

 

Finn couldn’t help but laugh because that totally reminded him of Puck.  “Do you guys want to go dance?  Because I think, I’m ready to go dance.”

 

Amelia and Carter followed Finn out onto the dance floor where he led them over to where Travis was dancing.  Finn made loud, quick introductions before he squeezed Travis’ shoulder.  “You were right; I needed to come here tonight.”

 

000

 

Finn left the dance floor and headed to the bar to get a drink.  While he waited for his drink, he heard a familiar but unplaceable voice calling his name.  

 

“Hudson.  Finn Hudson,” the voice said.  

 

Finn turned around and saw Dave Karofsky standing near by, a bottle of water in his hand.  “Dave, wow!  How are you?”  Finn grabbed his drink, placed a couple of bills on the bar, moved down towards where Dave was standing, and shook his hand.  “Small world.  What are you doing here, in Toledo?”

 

Dave smiled big and bright.  “I’m going to school up here.  Just living it up on the weekend you know.”  Dave looked around the bar, obviously searching for something.  “You must be here with Kurt. Where is he?”   

 

Finn’s heart sped up a little at the mention of Kurt.  “Nah, I’m here with my college roommate, who happens to be gay.  Go figure huh?  I’d end up sharing a room with a gay guy again.”  Finn chuckled lightly.  

 

Dave laughed, as well.  “Where are you going to school?  I thought you were in the Army.”

 

“I’m at the University of Ohio campus in Lima,” Finn said.  “The Army didn’t really work out; I was injured, and now I’m out.  And yeah, living with Travis is like living with Kurt all over again, except not really at all.” Finn shook his head.

 

“I don’t imagine there is anyone quite like Kurt Hummel,” Dave said.

 

Finn nodded his agreement.  He looked around the bar, his sights stopping on a couple down the bar.  “I’ll admit I was skeptical when Travis said there would be straight guys and girls here.”

 

Dave looked at Finn.

 

“So who dragged you here?” Finn asked.

 

“No one,” Dave said.  “Like I said, I go to school here in Toledo and this is reputeted to be one of the best LGBTQI bars around.  When I heard they did student night, I knew I had to come.  This is my fourth student night so far.”

 

Finn stared at Dave for a few minutes, his head tilting this way then that.  His eyes widened.  “Oh.  OH! You’re Gay?  But, what about everything that happened between you and Kurt.”

 

“Kurt didn’t tell you?”  Dave looked surprised for a moment.  “I was a closet case and I took my anger and fear and frustration out on Kurt for being everything I couldn’t be and everything I thought I didn’t want to be.  He’s one of the strongest, bravest guys I know, Finn.”  

 

Finn nodded his agreement.  

 

“He seriously, didn’t tell you?” Dave chuckled.  “I thought the two of you were super tight.”

 

“We are, but Kurt’s got this thing about not outing people,” Finn explained a blush coloring his cheeks. “Wow, Dave; I wouldn’t have thought. Although I’ve gotta say though you look like a million times lighter and happier than the last time I saw you.”  

 

“I am.” Dave agreed. “Things were rough for a while but it did get better.  It got easier, and I learned to leave the people and things that just don’t matter behind me.”

 

“Such as?” Finn asked.

 

“People who don’t care about your true happiness,” Dave said.  “People who can’t accept you for you are.”  Dave took a swig from his bottle.  “So, when’d you last see Kurt?”

 

“Uh, a couple of weeks ago,” Finn said.  “Kurt, Rachel and Santana all came down for Mr. Schue’s wedding.  Actually everyone came back.”

 

“Who’d Mr. Schue marry?” Dave asked.

 

“Oh, well it should have been Ms. Pillsbury, but she kind of left him at the altar,” Finn said.  “It was kind of a dud as far as weddings go, but the reception was pretty fun, and Schue insisted we all go and take advantaged since it was already paid for and all.”

 

“Jesus, Finn, every time I leave you alone for more than a couple of minutes, you end up picking up some other guy,” Travis said as he approached the table, Carter and Amelia not far behind him.  

 

Dave laughed.  “Uh-nuh.  Finn’s not picking me up.  I’m not exactly his type; you know.  We went to high school together- played football.  I’m Dave Karofsky.”

 

“I’m Travis Harrison, Finn’s roommate,”  Travis said with a large smile offered to Dave.  “And this is Carter Kelly and Amelia Sales.”  Travis gestured to the two people with him who also sat down at the table.  

 

Carter looked at Dave.  “You must know the mysterious Kurt Hummel then.  Because Finn’s been talking our ears off about him all night, and we’ve not so much as seen a picture.”

 

Finn blushed scarlet.

 

“Yeah, I know Kurt,” Dave smiled.  “C’mon Hudson, I’m sure you’ve got a photo of Kurt on your phone there.”

 

Finn nodded, taking out his phone and pulling up a picture of Kurt from their trip to New York for Christmas.  “This is Kurt- Christmas morning, making breakfast at the loft.”

 

“He is cute,” Carter announced decidedly.  

 

“You know, my first kiss with a guy, it was a horrible situation; I wasn’t out, it kind of came out of nowhere, but for all the bad, the one good thing was that it was with Kurt Hummel.”  Dave smiled a little.  

 

“WHAT?” Finn cried, leaping from his seat and pulling Dave from his.  “What the hell, dude?”

 

“Finn, calm down,” Travis said.

 

“You didn’t know that either?” Dave asked.  “I guess Kurt couldn’t really have told you the story without outing me, but yeah, I kissed him in the locker room at school.”  

 

“When was this?” Finn asked incredulously.

 

“Beginning of Junior year.  Before your parents got married.”

 

Finn’s eyes widened as the pieces started drifting into place.  “The death threats.”

 

Dave nodded and swallowed harshly.  “The moment after it happened, I was suddenly terrified he was going to out me.  It wouldn’t have mattered if people believed him or not, just the idea terrified me.  So I threatened him to make him keep his mouth shut.”

 

Everyone at the table was looking at Dave and Finn.  Dave looked suitably embarrassed, but Finn was incredibly upset.

 

“You realize you sent him to Dalton; you sent him to Blaine,” Finn seethed.    

 

“The whole situation was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done,” Dave admitted, staring down Finn.  “But hey, I got him to come back to McKinley right?  And in time for Nationals in New York.”

 

“I always thought Kurt coming back to McKinley had to do with Santana and the Bully Whips,” Finn said, lessening his grip on Dave.

 

“No, Santana knew how much you guys wanted Kurt to come back and go to Nationals with you,”Dave said.  “She found me out and used it against me.  I wasn’t ready to be out, but I was ready to stop hating Kurt.  And I realized he wasn’t going to out me.  Although I always suspected, there were some people he told.  I know he told Anderson.”  Dave shook off Finn’s grip and sat back down.

 

Finn nodded because of course Kurt would have told Blaine.  Blaine had come in like a knight in shining armor and rescued Kurt from the horrible things happening at McKinley.  Things Finn should have known; things Finn should have been protecting Kurt from as his friend, as his soon to be brother.  Hell even Sam had taken a black eye for Kurt at that time.  And Mike had been involved in a scuffle, as well.  

 

Finn narrowed his eyes at Dave.  “What about what happened at junior prom?”

 

“You heard about that though,” Dave laughed.  “You weren’t even there, you got kicked out for punching Berry’s date right?”  Finn nodded and Dave continued.  “I couldn’t dance with Kurt.  I wasn’t ready; I couldn’t be out at McKinley.  You must remember what it was like.  They, I mean we, gave you enough shit about Kurt.”  

 

Finn nodded.  He couldn’t imagine being out at McKinley.  Dave was right; it was bad enough associating with Kurt.  Finn felt incredibly sad because he didn’t think there was any way he could be everything Kurt needed him to be.

 

“Kurt mentioned to me in an email before Christmas that he and Anderson split up,” Dave said.  “Are they still broken up?”

 

“Yeah, Blaine cheated on him,” Finn said squinting at Dave.  “They are talking now, and trying to go back to being friends.  Of course Blaine wants to get back together, but I don’t think Kurt wants that.  And he’s kind of seeing this guy in New York too.”

 

“Hold up.” Amelia said.  “Your Kurt is dating someone else in New York City?”

 

“Your Kurt,” Dave repeated, looking at Finn.  His eyes widened, and he grinned.  “Holy Shit Hudson!  If Kurt is dating someone in New York, it must be because he doesn’t know.  He’d be thrilled if he knew.”

 

“He knows,” Finn chuckled darkly.  “But I’m here, he’s there and Blaine really turned him off the idea of long distance relationships, not that I’ve had any better luck with them either.”  Everyone at the table was looking at Finn.

 

“But it’s you,” Dave said.  “He’s liked you since like freshman year or something.”

 

Finn shrugged.  “It is me.  But  it’s not guys that I like, I don’t think.  It’s just Kurt.  And I still like girls.  It’s just I’d rather be with Kurt than any girl at the moment.”  Finn ran his hands through his hair.  

 

Travis grinned at Dave before putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder, “I think that’s what Kurt has been waiting to hear.”

 


	6. Surprise!

[](http://minus.com/i/FrLyhfeV4UlK)

 

Kurt blinked in the darkness as he tried to regain consciousness, something insistently buzzing near him having broken through his sleep.  Kurt groped the side table for his phone and squinted at the screen, his eyes widening when he saw not only the time but the caller.

 

“Finn,” he whispered, his mind racing with all of the horrible possibilities as to why he could be calling at 3:30 in the morning.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me Kurt?” Finn asked.

 

“I’m sorry?”  Kurt said although he had no idea what Finn was talking about.  “Wait, What are you talking about Finn?  Is everyone ok?  Is Dad ok?”

 

“Everyone’s fine Kurt,” Finn reassured him.  “I just, I can’t believe you never told me.  You didn’t come to me.”

 

Kurt blinked his eyes in the darkness again and rubbed at them tiredly as he yawned.  “I have no idea what you are talking about Finn.  Could you fill me in please?”

 

“Travis took me to a bar in Toledo tonight,” Finn said.  “They have a student night once a month.  I ran into Karofsky.”

 

“Oh, how is Dave doing?  I haven’t talked to him in a while.”

 

“Really Kurt?” Finn asked.  “Even Dave seemed surprised that you never told me anything.  God Kurt.  Why?  I had no idea.  I could have helped.  I would have helped.”

 

“Oh Finn,” Kurt sighed.  “I couldn’t explain it without outing Dave and you know how I feel about that.  And you were busy repairing your reputation.  You didn’t need my problems.”

 

“Kurt,” Finn sighed.  “I’m so sorry.  Dave told me about the locker room.”

 

Kurt’s breath hitched in his throat.  “It was only a kiss.”

 

“You promise?”

 

Kurt nodded although Finn couldn’t see him.  “It was just a kiss.  Of course after that I was terrified that it could escalate to more and then he started threatening my life.”  Kurt half chuckled half sobbed, “My life was pretty much hell after that.”

 

“God Kurt,” Finn sighed.  “I just wish you had told me.  I should have been protecting you.”

 

“You couldn’t have done any more than you did,” Kurt explained.  “It’s ok.  I went to Dalton, and it was better.  And it gave Dave time to reconcile with himself.  It really was better once I came back.”

 

It was silent for a few minutes on the phone.  Kurt wondered if Finn had maybe fallen asleep. But then he heard Finn sigh loudly.  

 

“Dave was your first kiss wasn’t he.  I mean you barely knew Blaine at that point.”

 

“Technically, yes,” Kurt said.  “But Blaine was the first one that counted.”

 

Finn’s voice was so soft that Kurt almost didn’t hear him.  “ _It should have been me._ ”

 

“What?” Kurt exclaimed.  “No, Finn.  It couldn’t have been you.”

 

“You liked me before then.  It should have been me.”

 

“But you didn’t like me then,” Kurt said.  “If I had forced myself on you and kissed you it wouldn’t have been any different from what Dave did to me.”

 

“You could have asked, Kurt,” Finn said.

 

Kurt laughed.  “Are you telling me you would have said yes?  That you would have let me kiss you back then?  Or that you would have kissed me?  Because I know the answer to that is no.  And I don’t blame you.  Not at all.”

 

“I might have,” Finn countered.  “I don’t know.  I’m not really good at saying no when people ask me for stuff.”

 

“Oh, Finn,” Kurt sighed.  

 

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” Finn said sadly.  “I wish I felt then how I felt now.  Things could have been different.”

 

“I don’t know, Finn.  I think things have a way of working out for the best.”  Kurt yawned.  “And as much as I like talking to you; listening to your deep sleepy voice while I’m in bed, I really do need to get back to sleep.”   

 

000

 

“I know I said we’d go see a movie at the theatre tonight but I’m just so exhausted,” Kurt said to Adam by way of a greeting when he opened the loft door Saturday evening.  

 

“We can just stay here, maybe watch something on tv,” Adam offered as he slid in past Kurt.  “You do look a little off.”  Adam cupped the side of Kurt’s face and rubbed his thumb gently over the slightly puffy bags under Kurt’s eyes.  

 

“Someone called me in the middle of the night last night,” Kurt said as he dropped down onto the couch.  

 

“Oh, crank call?” Adam winced sympathetically.

 

Kurt shook his head.  “Finn.”

 

“Is everything alright?  Is your dad ok?”

 

“Everyone is fine,” Kurt sighed. “Finn ran into a mutual friend of ours last night and he found out some stuff that happened junior year, when I was having problems, and it led to one of our heart to hearts.”

 

Adam laughed.  “The two of you have a strange relationship.”

 

Kurt tried not to think about just how strange it was and what Adam would think if he knew.  At least most of last night could have been construed as brotherly though; probably.  “Because we’re the same age, and we have mutual and overlapping friends and interests, we’re closer than just brothers.  I mean we even have this weird mind meld thing sometimes.  It’s kinda creepy, except that it’s Finn.”

 

“You never did say much about the trip home for the wedding.  I saw the photos and videos you were tagged in on facebook, but you didn’t say too much other than that.”  Adam draped his arm across Kurt’s shoulders and pulled him into his body.  His other hand came up and carded through Kurt’s hair, lightly massaging at his scalp.  

 

Kurt let his head fall onto Adam’s chest, enjoying the slight pressure of Adam’s deft fingers. “The wedding didn’t happen; the bride didn’t show.  Most of us glee kids had a good time though, getting to sing and dance and be together again.”  Kurt yawned.  “That feels good,” he gestured with his hand to Adam’s fingers in his hair.  His eyes drifted closed for a moment.

 

“Yeah?” Adam asked.  “I’ll just keep doing it ok, _love_.”  

 

Kurt stiffened slightly at the term of endearment, and his eyes flew open.  It wasn’t that he felt nothing for Adam; he did like the guy.  He was a good friend.  But he wanted to hear those types of words from someone else.  He wanted to hear them from Finn.  “Finn has said before, just how different the club is this year from the years we were in it, despite the returning members.  I could see it when I was home.  It made me a little sad.”  

 

“Is that really so surprising?  Some of your strongest members have moved on.”  Adam reached for the remote and turned on the tv.  “What do you feel like watching?”

 

“Whatever,” Kurt shrugged.  “I don’t know what to do about Blaine-my ex.  I would like to stay friends; I really missed his friendship in the fall, and it’s been nice to be able to talk to him again.  But at the wedding I got the feeling he thinks this is a step to us getting back together.”

 

“You don’t want to get back together?” Adam asked as he settled on an airing of ‘The American President’ that had just started.  

 

“I really don’t,” Kurt said.  “It’s not why I’ve extended the olive branch and rekindled our friendship.”  Kurt felt his eyes drifting closed again.  Beneath his head, he could hear Adam’s heart thumping steadily. The slight movement of his chest with each inhale and exhale of breath lulled Kurt into a peaceful slumber.

 

000

 

_“I might not do this right,” Finn said in a husky whisper as he slid down Kurt’s body, his lips trailing little wet kisses in their wake.  “You’ll have to tell me if I’m doing it wrong or how to make it better; what you like.”_

 

_“You don’t have to,” Kurt said.  His eyes were wide, unbelieving the sight before him._

 

_Finn smirked up at him.  “Oh, but I want to, Kurt.  I really, really do.”_

 

_“I’m sure you’ll do great,” Kurt said softly.  He twisted his hands in the sheets on the bed as Finn enveloped him into his warm, moist mouth.  He moaned with pleasure as Finn moved up and down, taking him in a little further each time.  When Finn pulled back one time, almost all the way to the tip and swirled his tongue around, almost tickling the sensitive head,  Kurt’s hips bucked up off the bed._

 

_“Shit! Sorry, Finn.”_

 

_Finn pulled his mouth from Kurt and smiled up at him.  “It’s ok.  You didn’t hurt me or anything.”_

 

_Kurt groaned as he looked at Finn, whose mouth was red and wet as he smiled up at Kurt.  Kurt motioned with his hands for Finn to move up the bed beside him.  “C’mere.”_

 

_“Why?” Finn asked.  “Am I not doing a good job?”  He looked positively heartbroken._

 

_“You’re doing a great job,” Kurt reassured him.  “I would just really like to kiss you right now.”_

 

_Finn smiled, his eyes lighting up.  “Oh, well in that case.”  Finn moved back up Kurt’s body, twisting them both onto their sides, facing each other, legs tangled.  He wrapped his arms around Kurt, pulling him close.  He pushed one of his legs up between Kurt’s, rubbing his thigh against Kurt’s naked and now neglected cock.  Finn’s own cock, still ensconced in his boxer briefs dragged against the hollow of Kurt’s hip._

 

_Kurt pressed his lips to Finn’s, softly at first but then more insistently until Finn’s tongue licked into his open mouth.  Kurt brought one of his hands up to cup gently the side of Finn’s face, to remember the feeling of his skin beneath his fingertips. “Your skin feels softer.”_

 

_“It does?” Finn asked.  His voice sounded weird and muffled in Kurt’s ears._

   

000

 

Kurt opened his eyes slowly, and then blinked quickly, furiously as things came into focus.  “Adam.”

 

“Morning,”  Adam said groggily. His eyes were open and he was smiling at Kurt.

 

“What?  Why?  I don’t understand.”  Kurt looked down, relieved to see he and Adam both were still in their clothes from the night before, and he was not naked like he had just been in his dream.  That being said, however, he was pressed up against Adam, one of Adam’s legs between his; both of them obviously aroused.   

 

“You fell asleep on the couch, Kurt.  I must have too because the next thing I knew Santana was waking me up,” Adam explained.  “I helped you to bed and you told me it was too late for me to go home and just to crawl in here behind you and behave myself.”  Adam chuckled.

 

Kurt put both his hands on Adam’s chest.  “I think we should stop this.”

 

“I was afraid you might say that,” Adam said, exhaling deeply.  

 

“It’s not you.  I’m just not ready; I don’t think.”  Kurt tried not to let the look in Adam’s eyes dissuade him.

 

“I thought we were both pretty into this,” Adam said.  But he shifted his body slightly away from Kurt’s.

 

“I, well, I was having a dream,” Kurt said.  “ _One of those kind of dreams_.”  Kurt could feel his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushing with embarrassment.

 

“Oh,” Adam chuckled.  “But it wasn’t about me, was it.”

 

Kurt shook his head.  “I’m sorry.  You’re a great guy.  I really do enjoy hanging out with you.  And you’ve been a really good friend.”

 

“But that’s all you see us as isn’t it?” Adam asked.  

 

Kurt nodded.  “Right now, yes.  I’m sorry Adam.”

 

“Me too,” Adam said softly.  “I should probably go.”  He got up and walked from the bedroom, Kurt trailing behind him.

 

“When you’re ready, feel free to call me, and we can go for coffee or something,” Kurt said.  “And I’ll stay away from Apples rehearsals until after the break at least.”

 

“Thank you, Kurt,” Adam said.  He leaned in and kissed Kurt’s cheek.  

 

000

 

“Does this look ok?” Travis asked Finn.

 

Finn turned around from where he was working on a paper for his Ed.Psy class and looked at Travis, expecting to see him holding something.  “What?  Does what look ok?”

 

“This,” Travis gestured to himself.  “What I’m wearing.”

 

Finn laughed.  “You’re asking the wrong guy Dude.  Kurt says my fashion taste is a fashion disaster.  I guarantee you, anything I have that looks remotely decent on me, is because Kurt bought it for me, or made me or mom buy it for me.”

 

“Does it look like I’m trying to hard?  I don’t want to look like I’m trying to hard.”

 

“I don’t know,” Finn shrugged.  “Where are you going?  What are you doing?”

 

“I kind of have a date,” Travis said.  “Maybe it’s a date?  I’m not sure.  It might just be hanging out we didn’t really clarify it.  But either way, if it’s a date, it’s a first date.”

 

“Oh,” Finn exclaimed. “Yeah, you look ok, I guess.  What are you doing?”

 

“Pizza and the pool hall?” Travis said.  

 

Finn looked at Travis again.  “Ditch the sweater.”

 

“It’s not that nice out yet.”

 

“Then take a hoodie with you or your leather jacket,” Finn said.  “And wear your Cons, not those black boots you were polishing earlier.”

 

“Really?” Travis asked.  

 

“It’s what I would wear-like you said, you’re not even sure it’s a date. You don’t want to be over dressed and make it look like you thought it was a date if it isn’t.”

 

“You might have a point,” Travis said.

 

“Not as dumb as I look,” Finn deadpanned as he turned back around to his paper.

 

A couple of minutes later there was a knock on their dorm door.  

 

“I guess I’ll see you later,” Travis said softly.  “Wish me luck.”

 

“Good luck, Dude,” Finn said as he waved a hand in Travis’ vicinity.

 

Finn heard the door open, and Travis say “Hey” to who ever was on the other side.

 

“You ready to go?” the mystery guy said.  

 

Finn didn’t know why, but the voice sounded familiar, so he leaned back on his desk chair just a little bit in hopes of getting a glimpse.  He almost fell out of his chair, however, when he spotted Dave Karofsky on the other side of the door.  

 

“Shit,” Finn yelped as he tried to right himself and the chair before crashing to the floor.  “Hey, Dave. Sorry, I almost fell out of my chair.”  Finn looked from Dave (in a UT hoodie and jeans with a pair of Cons that had seen better days) to Travis.  “You’re going for pizza and to the pool hall with Dave?”

 

“Yeah,” Travis nodded.

 

“Did you want to come along with us, Hudson?” Dave asked.

 

Finn almost laughed at the stricken look on his roommate's face.  “Nah, I’ve gotta finish this paper before break, so I don’t have to take it with me.”

 

“Oh, ok,” Dave said.  “Going away for break?”

 

“I’m headed to New York,” Finn said.

 

“Spending March break with Kurt,” Dave said a knowing grin on his face.

 

“Yeah, something like that.”

 

“Have fun, if I don’t see you before.”

 

“Yeah, you too.  You guys, I mean.  Have fun.  Tonight.”  Finn turned back to his paper biting his cheek not to laugh until he heard the door close behind them, and he was sure they were well down the hallway.  

 

Finn laughed as he picked up his phone and called Kurt.  

 

“Dude, you’re _never_ going to believe what just happened here!”

 

000

 

**You remember what time my flight is tomorrow**

 

_Yes Finn I will meet you at baggage claim_

 

**What are you doing tonight**

 

_Well Rachel is away for the weekend with Brody  Santana is working a shift at the club_

_So I could do just about anything  Maybe a soak in a hot tub_

_What about you_

 

**Just hanging out  Wishing I was there already**

 

_Me too_

  
  


Finn pocketed his cell phone before he raised his hand and knocked on the door.  His smile was wide and bright.  

 

The loft door slid open, revealing a very surprised Kurt.  “What are you doing here?  You’re flight’s not until tomorrow.”

 

“Surprise,” Finn grinned.  

 

Kurt launched himself at Finn, throwing his arms around him and holding on tightly.  “You’re really here?”

 

“I’m really here.”

 

“Get in here, get in here,” Kurt exclaimed, pulling Finn into the loft and pulling the door closed behind him.  Finn shrugged out of his light jacket and hung it on the rack by the door.  He dropped his bags; they could wait.  

 

“Now what?” Finn asked, his voice low and husky.  He watched as Kurt’s eyes fluttered closed, and a shiver ran through his body.  Finn chuckled softly.

 

“Now you should kiss me,” Kurt said.

 

Finn stepped forward and grabbed either side of Kurt’s face, looking deep into his eyes.  He pressed his lips to Kurt’s, moving them slightly, nipping at Kurt’s lips.  

 

Kurt moved them slowly towards his bedroom area, kissing Finn the whole time.  “At any time, Finn, if you want to stop, just tell me.”  Kurt sat down on the bed, kicking off his shoes and scooted back until he could lay back against the pillows.  

 

Finn nodded.  He toes off his sneakers and crawled up onto the bed next to Kurt; both of them still fully clothed.   He pulled Kurt on to  his side to face him.  

 

“Hey,” Finn whispered.

 

“Hi,” Kurt said.  

 

“Confession?” Finn said.  “I expected to show up here and for you to be out with Adam or for him to be here.  Maybe not here in your bed, but here at the loft.”

 

“Oh,” Kurt exclaimed.  “Adam and I aren’t together anymore.”

 

“Since when?”

 

“Last weekend.  There was a misunderstanding of sorts.”  Kurt looked at Finn.  “We had a date Saturday.  But I was really tired after your middle of the night phone call.  So we just stayed here.”

 

“Oh, ok,” Finn said, nodding his head.

 

“I fell asleep.  Adam fell asleep.  Santana woke us up when she got home from the club.  It was too late for Adam to go home.”  Kurt looked at Finn, who was frowning more with each sentence he uttered.  “I was half asleep but I told him to stay, to sleep here with me but to behave himself.”

 

“What was the misunderstanding then?”  Finn asked.  His brows furrowed.  “Did he push you?”

 

“No, no, Finn,” Kurt said softly.  He placed one of his hands on Finn’s chest, no doubt feeling Finn’s heart beat underneath his palm.  “I had a dream though.”  Kurt cheeks burned crimson.  “One of those dreams.”

 

“About Adam,” Finn swallowed around the lump in his throat.

 

“No,” Kurt whispered.  “About you.”

 

“Oh!” Finn exclaimed softly.

 

“Adam and I ended up kind of tangled together and in my dream, just before I woke up, you and I, we were kissing,” Kurt explained.  “And when I woke up, Adam was right here.”  Kurt gestured to where Finn currently was.  “I was a little disoriented.  I had to double check that it had been a dream and hadn’t happened between Adam and me.  But since we were both still fully clothed, it was just a dream.”  Kurt looked down, not able to look at Finn.  “Except we were both aroused at how close we were. Except mine was from the dream.  I put the brakes on what was happening, and Adam realized I saw us more as friends than boyfriends.  So we broke up.”

 

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” Finn said.

 

“It’s ok, really,” Kurt said.  He smiled at Finn.

 

Finn’s cheeks were tinged pink when he spoke again.  “Do you think that maybe you could tell me about your dream?”  He leaned in and kissed Kurt sweetly as if in price for sharing the dream.

 

“I-it-it was nothing,” Kurt stammered but Finn knew it was anything but.

 

“Please, Kurt,” Finn whined.

 

Kurt sighed and buried his face into Finn’s chest.  “I dreamed that you wanted to use your mouth on me.”

 

Finn put his fingers under Kurt’s chin and titled it up to his, looking into his eyes.  “Like this?”  Finn leaned down to nuzzle and suck at Kurt’s jaw and then down his neck.

 

“That’s good,” Kurt moaned.  “But, it ah, oh, it was lower.”  Kurt’s voice squeaked out the last word.

 

“More like this?” Finn asked as he pushed aside the collar of Kurt’s shirt and moved his lips to graze over Kurt’s collar bones.

 

“Mmm, that’s very good too,” Kurt said, his hands coming up to cradle Finn’s head.  “But not exactly.”

 

“No?”  Finn looked at Kurt; his flushed face, his eyes lit up with arousal.

 

Kurt’s eyes met Finn’s.  A soft, breathy sigh escaped his throat.  “In my dream, you, um, you were, you.”

 

Finn passed his lips over Kurt’s once, in the barest whisper of a kiss.

 

“In my dream you were giving me a blow job,” Kurt exhaled it all in one quick breath.  His eyes locked with Finn’s.

 

Finn groaned, his head dropping forward to Kurt’s chest.  “ _Oh God, Kurt._ ”

 

Kurt closed his eyes and shook his head.  “No, it’s ok.  I know you don’t want that.  It was just a dream, and you asked.”

 

“No,” Finn squeaked.  He raised his head and looked at Kurt.  “I think I do want that.  It’s not something I’d given much thought before, but seeing you now like this, I want to.”  Finn pressed his lips to Kurt’s again, kissing him deeply, thrusting his tongue into Kurt’s mouth, swallowing all of his noises.

 

“You don’t have to, really,” Kurt said as he gasped for breath with Finn broke the kiss.  

 

But Finn was already easing Kurt onto his back, moving down his body.  Finn’s fingers moved to Kurt’s belt and undid it.  He undid the button on Kurt’s pants and slid down the zipper.  

 

Kurt lifted his hips off the bed so Finn could slide his pants and underwear down his legs.  He shifted up on the bed, giving Finn more room to lay down between his legs. “Are you sure about this?”

 

Finn grinned up at Kurt before placing a kiss to the crown of his exposed cock.  “Yes.  I’m very sure.”  Finn leaned down to press a kiss to each of Kurt’s hips.  He wrapped his hands around Kurt’s hips; his fingers curling around the back and resting lightly over the top of Kurt’s ass.  Finn’s thumbs stroked lightly at the juncture of Kurt’s hips and thighs.  He lowered his head and licked at the head of Kurt’s cock.  

 

Kurt threw his head back and moaned.  “ _Fuck_ , Finn.”

 

Kurt’s exclamation was all the encouragement Finn needed.  He wrapped his lips around the tip and slowly, slid them down as far as he could, enveloping Kurt’s cock in the warm wet of his mouth.

 

Kurt’s hips jerked up slightly as he arched his back off the bed, but Finn’s hands helped push him back against the bed.  Finn pulled back up Kurt’s length, using his tongue to swirl around the very tip before taking him in again, and pushing himself to take just a little more. But it was too much, and he gagged, pulling off Kurt’s cock with a wet slurp.

 

“S-sor-ry” Finn coughed and rubbed at his watery eyes.  

 

Kurt whined at the loss of contact.  “It’s ok, just use your hand too.  You don’t have to take it all into your mouth.”

 

“Really?” Finn asked.

 

Kurt nodded.  “Just get your hand wet too and it’ll be good.”

 

Finn lapped at his hand and wrapped it around the base of Kurt’s cock.  Then he sunk his mouth back over Kurt.  Not having to worry about taking all of Kurt into his mouth, Finn was able to hollow his cheeks and focus on creating suction and a delicious friction.  With every couple of bobs of his head, Finn would lick at the slit of Kurt’s cock, each time earning a delicious keening sound of pleasure from Kurt.  

 

“Finn,”  Kurt whined, sounding positively wrecked.  He brought his hands down to Finn’s head and tried to pull him off, warning him.  “Finn, please.”

 

Finn shook his head, mumbling against Kurt’s cock.  He did pull up a little higher, towards the tip, continuing to swirl his tongue around the tip until he felt Kurt’s release flooding his mouth.  He wasn’t able to swallow it all; some of it dribbling out of the corners of his mouth and back down Kurt’s still pulsing cock.  

 

“Sorry,” Finn grimaced as he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt.  

 

“Sorry for what?” Kurt asked groggily as he motioned for Finn to move up the bed beside him.  

 

 “I don’t think I did that very well,” Finn said.  He flipped part of the blanket on the bed over Kurt’s naked bottom half before snuggling in beside him.  “I’ll try to do better if you let me do it again.”

 

Kurt pressed his lips to Finn’s.  “It was great.  You were great.”  Kurt’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment.   “You really think you might want to do that again?”

 

Finn nodded.  “It’s really amazing watching you come apart like that.  Very hot.”  He nuzzled Kurt’s neck.  

 

“We should probably clean up and get ready for bed, in case Santana comes home early,” Kurt mumbled sleepily.  “I just can’t be bothered to care at the moment.”

 

Finn got out of bed and crossed to the washroom, coming back with a warm, damp cloth that he handed to Kurt.  He went to the same dresser drawer he had seen Kurt at many times during his Christmas trip.  He grabbed a pair of boxers and a tee shirt and brought them over to Kurt.  

 

“Thanks,” Kurt said.  He reached up and pressed a chaste kiss to Finn’s lips.  Kurt pulled off his shirt off and threw it towards his laundry basket and missed.  

 

Finn chuckled as he bent over to pick up Kurt’s discarded pants, underwear and now shirt and tossed them in the laundry.  Kurt handed him his socks as well, hanging the damp wash cloth over the metal headboard railings.  Finn left the bedroom again, returning this time with his bags and depositing them in the corner.  

 

“I locked the loft door, I hope that is ok,” Finn said as he dug around in his bag and came out with a clean shirt and pair of boxers.  

 

Kurt nodded as he pulled his fresh tee shirt over his head.  He crawled across the bed and slid his arms around Finn from behind.  “Let me help?”  Kurt slid his hands under Finn’s shirt and pushed it up and off of Finn, tossing it onto the bed behind him.  Kurt slid his hands back down Finn’s now naked chest and to the button if his jeans.  Finn tensed in his arms and hissed as Kurt’s fingers undid the button.  

 

“Oh, Finn,” Kurt whispered as his fingers skated over the area where Finn’s cock was trapped in his jeans.  “Lie back for me, please?  Let me take care of that?”

 

Finn nodded as he laid back against the bed.  He scooted back a little and propped himself up on his elbows so he could look at Kurt.  He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as Kurt moved to kneel on the floor and gently slid his jeans and boxers down his legs and pushed them onto the floor.  

 

“Oh God, Finn,” Kurt whispered.  He licked his lips as he looked down at Finn’s cock and then up to meet Finn’s eyes.  “Has anyone ever done this for you before?”

 

Finn shook his head quickly, swallowing down the desire already burning inside him.

 

“Ok, just try not to buck up your hips too much ok,” Kurt offered.  “If I do this,” Kurt slapped lightly at Finn’s thighs, “it means hips down.  You can grip my head, play with my hair, just don’t pull.”

 

Finn nodded, now biting his lip in anticipation.

 

Kurt settled himself on the floor between Finn’s legs and put a pillow under his knees.  He held Finn’s cock at the base with one land, holding it still as the flat of his tongue laved from base to tip.  He felt Finn’s body shiver under his touch the second his tongue touched him.  Several swipes up and down Finn’s length and then Kurt slipped his lips over the head, swirling his tongue around the tip before he began to bob up and down, increasing the amount of Finn he took in each time.  

 

“Kurt, oh God, Kurt,” Finn began babbling.  “That feels so good.  You’re mouth is so warm, so wet.”  Finn brought his hands down and began rubbing them through Kurt’s hair, scritching at Kurt’s scalp.  “Holy crap!  You’re amazing at doing that.”  Finn let out a loud, dragged out moan.  “How did you last so long when I did this.   _God Kurt, Kurt, Kurt_.”  Finn’s respiration sped up to the point where he was almost hyperventilating.   “Off Kurt, I’m going to-”.

 

Kurt knew what was coming, and he pulled his lips back just a little, sucking furiously and swallowing as Finn began to come in his mouth.  Kurt used his hand to stroke Finn through his orgasm, until he felt Finn’s entire body go limp.  He pulled his mouth off of Finn and crawled back up over Finn’s body.

 

“Kurt,” Finn panted, cupping Kurt’s cheek with his hand. “Fuck, that was amazing.  You are amazing.  Thank you.”  He pressed his lips against Kurt’s roughly, kissing him hard.

 

Kurt giggled when they broke apart.  “I’ve never gotten quite that reaction from a blowjob.”

 

Finn dropped his head back onto the bed, shaking it back and forth.  “Then Blaine Anderson is a _fucking_ idiot.”

 

000

 

Finn and Kurt decided to take a couple of days away from the loft and headed down to Manhattan, staying in a hotel and doing all types of touristy things.  They spent the days touring Manhattan, Kurt tucked in under Finn’s arm.  They even returned to the diner from New Years Eve.  Charlie, the waitress, was very happy to see them, and she didn’t even bat an eye at how Finn held Kurt’s hand the entire time they weren’t eating or when he leaned over and kissed away a smudge of chocolate frosting off of Kurt’s cheek from a piece of cake they shared.  

 

One night, Kurt took Finn to a Broadway show, another night they went to see a movie and one night they just hung out at the hotel pool and hot tub.  But once back at the hotel, in their room, they’d spend the nights curled up together in bed, with hand jobs and blow jobs.  They’d cuddle together and talk softly while trading lazy kisses.  

 

“So what happens next, when I go back to Lima?” Finn asked one night.  Kurt’s head was pillowed on his chest, and Finn was running his fingers through Kurt’s hair, massaging his scalp.

 

Kurt shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Same as it’s always been, I guess.”

 

“You don’t want more?” Finn asked.

 

“Sure I do,” Kurt sighed.  “But there’s no point in asking for more than you can give.”

 

“So what, we just keep hooking up whenever we’re in the same city?” Finn asked.  

 

“I guess,” Kurt said.  “It’s been great being here in Manhattan.  You’ve seemed free and comfortable in just being with me.”

 

Finn nodded.  “It has been great.”  He pressed a kiss to Kurt’s forehead.

 

“But how would it be at home?” Kurt asked.  

 

“I don’t know,” Finn said.  “Maybe not so different.  There are people at home who know how I feel about you.  Travis, Puck, Dave.”

 

“How do you feel about me, Finn?” Kurt asked.  “What’s changed?”

 

“I don’t know that something has changed really,” Finn said.  “It’s like if you were a girl, I honestly think we would have gotten together in sophomore year.  And we’d still be together.”

 

Kurt raised his head of off Finn’s chest and turned to glare at him. “Really, Finn?!”  His eyebrows raised up into his hairline.

 

“C’mon, I don’t mean it badly.  It’s just back then I NEVER thought I could be into you, or into guys.  But I could have been into you as a girl.”

 

“And now, you think you could be into me?” Kurt asked.  “Could you be into guys?”

 

“I’m not sure about guys,” Finn said.  “But yeah dude, I’m into you.  I’ve tried you know, to figure it out with other guys, but it’s like what’s the point in looking at other guys.  The only guy I want to look at, the only guy I want to be with, is you.”

 

“Oh,” Kurt exclaimed softly.

 

“But I’m pretty sure I still like girls, too,” Finn said.  “I notice them on campus, in class sometimes, but still, the only person I want to look at, want to be with, is you.”

 

“God, Finn,” Kurt swallowed thickly reaching up to press his lips to Finn’s.  

 

Finn broke the kiss, and shuffled down, this time resting his head on Kurt’s chest.  He didn’t think he could stand Kurt watching him when he said what he wanted to say next.  “I’ve loved you for a while you know, because of Mom and Burt.   _I just never thought I could be in love with you._ ”

 

“Are you in love with me?” Kurt whispered.

 

“Maybe,” Finn said.  “It doesn’t feel like my feelings have changed for you, not really.  So maybe I’ve been in love with you all along and didn’t know it.”  Finn was silent for a few moments.  “I mean obviously I have real feelings, strong feelings for you.  It’s not like either one of us is really the kind of person to fool around without feelings.”

 

“No,” Kurt agreed.  “You’re right.  And maybe I never really got over you.  Maybe I just pushed it all down, pushed it aside and focused on Blaine, and now it’s all coming back to the surface the longer this keeps going on between us.”

 

“So you might be in love with me too,” Finn said.

 

“I’m definitely falling in love with you again,” Kurt said.  “I’d like to see where this could go, what could happen between us.  But I can’t, I won’t do another long distance relationship.”

 

“Because of Blaine,” Finn said softly.

 

“I was so in love with Blaine,” Kurt agreed.   “And I still care for him deeply, as a friend.  But I was in love with him, and it just wasn’t enough.  Yes, he cheated, but I played my own part.”  Kurt sighed, his fingers stroking over the bare skin of Finn’s shoulder blades.  “We can’t give this, give us a try unless we are really going to commit to it and can be together more than just weekends here and there.  There are just too many other things that could suffer if we failed.”  

 

“And we’ll know we’re ready to commit how?” Finn asked.  

 

“That I’m not sure,” Kurt said.

 

000

 

The night before Finn was scheduled to fly back to Lima; Kurt took him out to a karaoke bar with Santana and Rachel.   Together they had decided that they would both be too mopey otherwise.  As a group, they decided to revisit some of their favorite glee club numbers.   Finn sang ‘Don’t Dream it’s Over’ and made Kurt get up to sing ‘I’ll Remember’.  Kurt chose ‘Gives You Hell’ for Rachel and ‘Valerie’ for Santana.  Santana and Rachel decided to revisit their glee performance of ‘I’ve Kissed a Girl.’   And then Santana suggested that maybe Kurt and Finn should get up and redo their duet from Mr Shue’s wedding.  

 

Against Kurt’s better judgement, he and Finn agreed and soon found themselves standing on stage singing along to REO Speedwagon again.

 

**And though I know all about those men**

**Still I don't remember**

**Cause it was us baby, way before them**

**And we're still together**

 

_And I meant, every word I said_

_When I said that I love you I meant_

_That I love you forever_

 

_And I'm gonna keep on lovin you_

**Cause it's the only thing I wanna do**

**I don't wanna sleep**

_I just wanna keep on lovin you_

 

It was entirely possible in his attempt not to get maudlin over the fact that Finn was leaving again-that this time he had a much better idea where they stood and that they were closer to being an ‘us’ than Kurt could ever have expected-that Kurt camped up his portion of the lyrics even more.  The result was generous applause and Santana, who howled with laughter.  Rachel appeared to have transformed into a fish as her mouth repeatedly opened and closed without any noise coming out before she plastered on one of her ‘performance’ smiles and clapped along with everyone else.

 

When they finished their song Kurt headed over to grab a couple of bottles of water for them.  He was not expecting to run into Adam.  

 

“Hi Kurt,” Adam said as he put a soft hand on Kurt’s shoulder.  

 

“Adam,” Kurt replied pulling him into a friendly one armed hug.  “How’s your break been?”

 

“Good,” Adam said.  “Some of us rented a car and headed down to Florida.  We just got back yesterday.”

 

“That sounds fun,” Kurt said.  “Are any of the others here tonight?” Kurt looked around the dim light bar, looking for other members of the Apples.  

 

“A couple, yes,” Adam confessed.  “Your performances were great Kurt.  We miss you; we miss your voice in the Apples.”

 

“I’ll come back after the break, but I’m going to be pretty busy,” Kurt said.  “I’ve gotten permission to write my exams early so I can go home for my Dad’s post chemo check up.  I’ll be leaving mid April, and I’ll be back just in time for summer sessions if all is well.”

 

“Oh, well I hope everything works out with your Dad,” Adam said.  “I see Finn is here again.”

 

Kurt smiled.  “He came here for Spring Break.  We did all kinds of touristy things.  I took him to a Broadway show.  We saw a couple of movies, ate at some great little dives.”

 

Adam smiled at Kurt, but his eyes were a little sad.  “That’s him.  It was Finn all along?”

 

“Huh?” Kurt asked, thoroughly confused.

 

“The way you look at him,” Adam explained.  “It’s the way I hoped you’d look at me.  It’s the way I looked at you.”

 

“Oh!” Kurt exclaimed softly.  “I’m sorry Adam.  And yes, I’ve kind of fallen for him.”

 

Adam looked at Kurt.  “You don’t see it do you?  The way he looks at you?  It’s the same.  I saw it the first time I met the two of you.  Whatever you are feeling, I would put money on Finn returning those feelings.”

 

Kurt smiled at Adam.  “Thank you, for everything.”

 

“No problem Kurt.  Good luck with Finn, I hope it all works out for you.”  Adam walked away and back towards one of the far corners in the bar.  

 

Kurt felt a pair of hands on his hips before the warm, familiar voice hit his ear.

 

“That looked like Adam,” Finn said.  

 

“It was,” Kurt said.   

 

“Are you ok?” Finn asked.  

 

“Yeah.  It was nice.”  Kurt relaxed slightly back against Finn.

 

“Good,” Finn said.  “I’d hate to have to punch him for being mean to my Kurt.”

 

“Your Kurt huh?” Kurt smirked.  

 

“At least for the next handful of hours,” Finn sniffed sadly.  “I talked to Santana, and she’s going to keep Rachel here until closing and take a long way back to the loft so we can escape right now and have the loft to ourselves for a while.”

 

Kurt turned around in Finn’s arms to look up at him.  “What did you tell her?”

 

“The truth- that I wanted to spend a little time with you alone on my last night here.”  Finn pushed an errant strand of hair out of Kurt’s face.  “When I told Puck, about us, about what happened at Mr. Schue’s wedding, he wasn’t really surprised.  He said that everyone half expects us to get together at some point.”

 

“Really?” Kurt asked.

 

“I guess they thought you’d wear me down eventually,” Finn smirked.  “Anyhow, Santana wasn’t any more surprised that Puck.  Plus, I know whom she hooked up with at the wedding.”

 

Kurt raised his eyebrows at Finn.  “Who?”

 

“I probably shouldn’t tell you, it might be considered outing and I know how you feel about that,” Finn said softly.

 

“Wow” Kurt exclaimed. “That sounds intriguing though.”

  
“Yeah,” Finn said.  “Anyhow, I’ve already called a cab.  Let’s get out of here ok.  I’m not going to see you for almost a month again.”  Finn leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to Kurt’s lips.


	7. Maybe Dating

[](http://minus.com/i/ifuRZ7SxgSLM)

 

Finn put his keys in the door and twisted the lock; he opened the door and was greeted to a surprise.  “Whoops, sorry, Dudes.”  He backed back out of the room, shutting the door behind him.  

 

He stood in the hallway for a few moments, as he decided what to do next.  The door opened, revealing a very flushed and embarrassed Travis.  

 

“Finn, I’m so sorry.  I wasn’t expecting you until much later,” Travis said.  “You said you would probably head over to your parents’ place on your way back.”

 

“I know,” Finn agreed as he walked into the room.  He nodded at an equally embarrassed Dave.  “I just thought I’d drop my stuff off here first- work out a couple of things in my head before I head over to the house.”

 

“How was your trip?” Travis asked.

 

“It was pretty great,” Finn said with a smile.  “Just sucks to be back here now, you know.”

 

Travis murmured his agreement as he sat down on the floor, leaning back against Dave’s legs.

 

“So are you and Kurt ‘dating’ now?” Dave asked, as he rubbed at Travis’ shoulders.

 

Finn huffed out a breath.  “No.  Not officially.  He’s not seeing Adam anymore, but he didn’t say he wouldn’t see anyone else.  And he didn’t ask me not to see anyone else, but I mean, I’m not going to.”  Finn pulled a couple of items out of his suitcase and put them away.  “I guess we just wait and see where we are when he comes back in April.”

 

“What’s going to change between now and April though?” Travis asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Finn shook his head.  “He’s terrified of the idea of a long distance relationship.  I can’t say I blame him.  But that doesn’t leave me much of a choice does it.”

 

“You’re going to go to New York,” Travis said.

 

“I’m going to look into it for sure,” Finn said.  He turned around and looked at his roommate.  “So what’s going on with the two of you?”

 

“We are dating,” Dave said pointedly.  “Not letting a little distance stop us.”

 

Finn picked up his pillow and threw it at Dave.  “Yeah, Toledo is so far, Dude.”

 

Dave laughed as he threw the pillow back at Finn.  “I guess Anderson really messed with his confidence because I just can’t see Kurt letting distance get in between you two.  I mean it’s you, and him.”

 

Finn shrugged.  “I’m not going to push it.  Everyone is already going to assume I’m taking advantage of his past feelings for me.”

 

“Only if they haven’t heard you talk about him lately,” Travis said.

 

“Oh, so when Kurt comes home in April, I’ve convinced him to stay through until right before the start of his summer session classes so he’ll be here for the May student night at Riptide,” Finn said.  “We can all go together right?”

 

Travis looked at Dave and shrugged.  “Sure.”

 

“We spent some time in Manhattan, doing touristy things,” Finn said.  “We went to the Statue of Liberty, and the Empire State Building, rode the Staten Island Ferry, and Kurt took me to a Broadway show.  He had a good time, but what I think he really liked was that I didn’t feel like I needed to worry about people seeing us together.”

 

“You worry about people seeing you together?” Travis asked.

 

Finn nodded.  “Like together-together.  Hand holding, kissing, more than just friends stuff.  It’s easy in New York; all I really have to worry about is Rachel.  And at some point one of us is going to have to tell her, I just don’t know which one of us it should be.”

 

“Doesn’t Santana live with them too now?” Dave asked.

 

“She does.  But she knows.  I told her this time.  Like Puck, she didn’t seem too surprised.”

 

“What are you so worried about here in Lima?” Travis asked.  

 

“Mostly, mom and Burt.  They should hear it from me first you know.”

 

Dave nodded.  “I don’t understand why you’re worried about telling them.  I mean your mom loves Kurt; and they liked Blaine right?”

 

“No, you’re right,” Finn agreed.  “It’s just, what if I disappoint my mom.  Because she probably expects me to marry some nice girl and have a couple of kids.  She was pretty cool when we thought Quinn’s baby was mine.”  Finn walked over to the window and looked out into the quad.  “And Burt, he’ll be cool right up until the point he realizes it’s Kurt I want to date.  So I think maybe I shouldn’t tell him until his health is a little better.  So that means keeping things kinda low key here.”

 

“I understand what you’re saying Finn,” Travis said.  “But I think your mom and Burt are going to be more understanding than you think.  Is there anything else, anyone else holding you back?”

 

Finn turned to look at Travis and Dave.  “Blaine-maybe.  I mean because he’s Kurt’s ex, but  he is also trying to get back together with Kurt.  And I’m his glee coach.  Plus, once upon a time not so long ago, there were dreams of the four of us in New York taking things by storm as a happy little family.”  Finn nodded slowly.  “Yeah,  I think Blaine needs to hear this from me.”

 

000

 

“Hey, what’s this?” Puck asked Finn as he picked up some brochures on Finn’s desk after Finn’s trip to New York.  

 

“That’s some info about a couple of schools in New York I’m looking at applying to for the fall,”  Finn said.  He shuffled the papers off his desk and into a drawer.

 

“Again?” Puck asked.  

 

“I don’t have much of a choice, Puck,” Finn said. “It sucks being away from Kurt and he keeps saying he won’t give us a real shot long distance.  But between you and me, this feels just as much like any other relationship I’ve ever been in.”

 

“You do understand where he’s coming from though, right?” Puck asked.  “His first real boyfriend cheats on him after just a couple of weeks of doing the long distance thing.”

 

“I know,” Finn said.  “I was there.  I saw him the morning after.  It was almost as bad as when Burt was in that coma junior year.”  Finn could still see Kurt sitting in the dark that morning at the loft.  ‘I kinda feel like I’m gonna die’, Kurt had confided to Finn.

 

“Plus it’s you,” Puck added.  “Some part of him has probably been waiting for this since sophomore year.  Maybe freshman year.”

 

Finn groaned.  “You think I haven’t thought about that.  Just because I haven’t felt that way about him for as long, doesn’t make my feelings any less.”

 

“That’s not what I meant at all, Finn,”  Puck said.  “It’s just, he probably thinks he’s dreaming, or that I don’t know that maybe you’ll change your mind.”

 

“That would be really shitty of me,” Finn grumbled.  “I wouldn’t hurt Kurt.”

 

“I know, not intentionally,” Puck agreed.  “But do you think Anderson set out to hurt Kurt?”

 

Finn rolled his eyes.  “New topic, please.”

 

“And you’re sure about this?” Puck asked.  “About going to New York for Kurt.”

 

Finn nodded.  “I am.  It feels like something I need to do.”

 

“So how are things between the two of you?” Puck asked.  

 

“Things are really good with us, especially when we’re together.” Finn smiled.

 

“How was your trip?” Puck asked.  “What did you guys do?”

 

“This trip was great, amazing,” Finn smiled.  “We did a bunch of touristy stuff.  We saw a show on Broadway; we sang karaoke, went to the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty.  He took me over to NYADA, and to his office at Vogue.com.  We went to Central Park.  It was cool.”

 

“And there are no problems with the fact that you’re both dudes?” Puck asked.  

 

Finn felt his cheeks warm with a blush.  “I’m very ok with things in that area.”   He ducked his head and tried not to look Puck in the eye.  “Yes, it’s different but it’s also mind blowing amazing.  What’s going on here, between Kurt and I, it’s pretty special and really important to me.”

 

Puck shook his head, “I know, Dude.  I can see it written all over your face.”  He clapped Finn on the back.  “It’s just, I’m going to miss you when you up and leave us for New York.  Maybe it’s time for me to head back to California.”

 

“That’s so far,” Finn said.  “You know, you’ll always be welcome in New York.”  

 

Puck shrugged.  “I might take you up on that at some point.”

 

000

 

“Hi Blaine,” Kurt said as their skype call connected and Blaine’s face appeared on Kurt’s screen.

 

“Hi,” Blaine said.  “I’m not keeping you from your studies am I?”

 

Kurt shook his head.  “I’m taking a break and later this afternoon I’m booked into one of the dance studios for practice.”

 

“I’m kind of sad you couldn’t come home for Easter,” Blaine said with a frown.

 

Kurt tilted his head back and forth.  “I know, but the break is just four days, and I need to study and practice for my early exams.  Besides I’ll be home in about two weeks anyway for my Dad’s check up.”

 

“Um, do you think that maybe you might want to stick around for Regionals?” Blaine asked nervously.

 

Kurt smiled widely.  “Sure.  I was planning on sticking around until right before my intersession classes start anyway.   Plus Finn is sad that his last exam is the day of Regionals so I thought I might go in his place.”  

 

“He’s really been helping out a lot with our preparations for Regionals, except of course while he was in New York,” Blaine said.  “It’s weird that they won’t let him take his exam earlier or later so he can attend the competition.”

 

“I know,” Kurt agreed.  “He has an exam the afternoon of Dad’s appointment too and the professor won’t adjust it for him.  I had no problem getting mine adjusted, but Finn just can’t seem to catch a break.”  Kurt shook his head.  “I figured I'd stay around a bit this time because I’ve really been missing everyone.”

 

“We’ve missed you too, Kurt,” Blaine said.  

 

“It will be great to home with Dad and Carole,” Kurt said.  “Sleep in my old room, not have to share a bathroom with Santana and Rachel.  Spend time with Finn.  Stop by and see everyone at McKinley.”  Kurt could feel the warmth spread through his cheeks as he mentioned Finn’s name.

 

“You didn’t spend enough time with Finn while he was in New York?” Blaine joked.  

 

Kurt’s hackles raised at Blaine’s tone.  “I’ve really missed him while I’ve been here, Blaine.  I missed living with him.”  Kurt felt his eyes widen.  “I’ve missed living with him,” he repeated.

 

Blaine looked at Kurt, his eyes narrowed.  “You already said that, Kurt.”

 

“I just, gosh, I mean I knew I missed him,” Kurt said.  “But it’s not just that.  It’s him not literally being right there.  It’s all the things that I thought annoyed me to hell.  It’s all the great things too.”  Kurt grabbed his phone off the desk and stealthily typed out a message to Finn.  

 

_I miss living with you_

 

**I miss living with you too**

 

_I just this minute realized it  I miss you being in my home I miss you being across the table_

_I miss you standing in my doorway trying to talk to me with your toothbrush in your hand and a mouthful of toothpaste that you spit out everywhere_

 

**I miss all of that too but more importantly I just miss you Kurt**

 

_You are going to make me cry while I am skyping with Blaine_

 

**“Kurt!”** Blaine exclaimed confusion written all over his face when Kurt looked up at him.

 

“Sorry,” Kurt said.  “What were you saying?”

 

“I was just asking about what you did during the break with Finn,” Blaine said.  “You seemed off in another world.”

 

“Sorry again,” Kurt said.  “I was just texting someone.  Um, break.  I took Finn to a Broadway show.  We did touristy stuff.  Hung out.  It was good.”  Kurt smiled.

 

“You do seem happy,” Blaine said.

 

“I really am,” Kurt replied smiling.  

 

“So when you’re in town, do you think we could go out to a movie or get coffee or something?” Blaine asked.

 

“I don’t think that is a good idea, Blaine,” Kurt said gently.

 

“You said you broke up with Adam,” Blaine said.

 

“I did, but that wasn’t about you, that was about Adam and I not being right together.”

 

“Look, I’m not saying we have to get back together, just coffee or something,” Blaine explained.

 

“We can go for coffee,” Kurt said.  “But just as friends, Blaine.  That's all I’m offering.”

 

Blaine’s smile was huge.  “Then I guess I better take it.”

 

000

 

“Hey, mom,” Finn said as he walked into the kitchen the Friday morning of his Easter break.  His phone, still in his pajama pants pocket, in case Kurt texted him again.  “Is Burt around?”

 

Carole Hudson turned from her place at the kitchen table where she was nursing a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.  “Good morning sweetheart.”  Carole opened her arms and indicated that Finn should come over and give her a hug.  “Burt went into the shop to look over the books a bit while they’re closed.  I’m sure he wouldn’t mind some company from you.”

 

Finn stepped over and hugged his mother.  “No,” he shook his head.  “I actually would like to talk to you in private, that’s why I was asking.”

 

“Oh!” Carole exclaimed.  “Well here, sit down and we can talk.”  

 

Finn sat down across from his mother and began fidgeting with the salt and pepper shakers.  “So, the thing is, I’m looking at schools in New York.  I’m looking at transferring.  Hopefully for fall session.”

 

“Ok,” Carole nodded.

 

“Last year, I wasn’t in a good place about myself, and I wasn’t sure I was New York good at anything,” Finn said. “This year has not been what I expected but it’s been good for me in a lot of ways. I have more confidence now; I’m doing better in school than I ever have.”  

 

Carole bobbed her head in agreement.  “I hate to point out something obvious Finn.  You have done better in school this term than ever and Burt and I are so proud, but you’ve also not been embroiled in any girlfriend drama.”  Carole paused and reached across the table to still her sons’ hands.  “Is this really about what you want or is this about you wanting to get back together with Rachel?”

 

Finn laughed and leaned his head back to look at the ceiling. “I promise you mom, this has nothing to do with Rachel.”  He tilted his head back down; his eyes searched out his mother’s.  “There has been someone though.”

 

Carole shot a pointed look at Finn.

 

Finn pulled his hands from Carole’s and looked down at the table instead of at her as he spoke again.  “You just admitted I’m doing well.  That you’re proud of me.  I really think this is a good thing for me.” Finn paused and collected his thoughts.  “I’ve never felt like this about someone before, especially not another _guy_.”  Finn could feel the heat in his cheeks from his blush at his confession.  

 

“Oh Finn,” Carole said softly.  She moved from her chair to the one beside Finn and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“I don’t know if there are other guys I might like, right now there is just this one,” Finn admitted. He exhaled loudly.  “I hope you aren’t too disappointed in me.”  

 

“No sweetie, no,” Carole said.  “Just tell me you’re happy.”  

 

“I am,” Finn said, his smile large and genuine. “ Admittedly I could be happier in New York I think.  But I am happy.”  

 

“And you’re being safe?” Carole asked.

 

“Mom!” Finn exclaimed.  When Carole’s gaze did not decrease in intensity Finn shrugged his shoulders. “Yes, fine ok.  I’m being safe.”

 

“Can I ask you a couple of questions, Finn?”

 

Finn nodded at his mother and Carole smiled at him.  

 

“How long has this been going on Finn?” she asked.  

 

Finn pursed his lips as he thought about it.  “The beginning of the year maybe?”  

 

“Ok.  Is he moving to New York too?  Is this why you’re looking at New York?”  

 

Finn tilted his head.  “Not exactly.  He’s already there, Mom.”  

 

“He’s already there,” Carole mused.  “Oh, did you meet someone at when you stayed at Christmas?  Did Kurt introduce you to someone?”

 

“Kind of, but not really?” Finn replied.

 

“That’s not answer, Finn Hudson!” Carole scolded.  Her stare burned deep, and Finn just couldn’t look away, half smirk played on his lips.

 

“He’s already there,” Carole repeated. Then her smile widened with understanding.  “I don’t suppose I need to ask when Burt and I can meet this mystery guy.”

 

“No, I guess not” Finn laughed.  

 

“I’m guessing if you wanted to talk to me in private that I shouldn’t share this with Burt,” Carole said.

 

“For now, please don’t,” Finn said.

 

“But you do plan on telling him?” Carole asked.

 

Finn nodded.  “I swear.  Maybe after finals and his check up and once Kurt is home.”  He felt his face light up just mentioning Kurt and home.  Finn couldn’t wait.

 

Carole smiled at her son.  

 

000

  
  


“Dad,” Kurt exclaimed.  “I told you bright, cheery colors today.  You too, Carole.  What’s with the somber colors?  It’s like you’ve already given up.  Am I the only one holding onto hope here?” Kurt paced back and forth in the small, cramped doctor’s office.  

 

“Kurt,” Burt said warily.  “We haven’t given up hope.  In fact, I’m feeling great.  I just choose clothes that were comfortable and clean.  I didn’t think about what the colors might say.”

 

“But I told you,” Kurt said.  “I told you that you needed to wear bright colors today.”

 

“I don’t understand how what color shirt I’m wearing today could make any possible difference Kurt,” Burt said rationally.  “It’s just a shirt.”

 

It’s just a shirt; it’s JUST a shirt, it’s just a SHIRT, the words echoed and echoed in Kurt’s brain until they were no longer his father’s but his own being hurled at Finn three years previous, It’s just a room, Finn!  Kurt froze mid-stride as he remembered how everything fell apart at that moment.  He turned and collapsed into his father’s arms.  “I just don’t want you to leave us, Dad.”

 

Burt held Kurt close.  “I’m not planning on going anywhere, kid.”

 

Kurt stood up and brushed off his clothes, straightening them.  Then he began to pace the doctor’s office again.  He turned and frowned when he heard Carole’s phone ding with an incoming text.  

 

“Oh,” she exclaimed softly.  Then Carole giggled as she shoved her phone over towards Burt.  “Look Burt.  Isn’t it funny how much alike they are?”

 

“How much alike who are?” Kurt asked as he frowned at Carole and Burt.  

 

“You and Finn,” Burt laughed.  “He’s doing a pretty good impression of you right now.”

 

Kurt peered over his father’s shoulder to look at the screen where, in fact, Finn was pacing back and forth in his dorm room.  He was ranting about how long it was taking for the doctor and his family to call, and if they didn’t call in the next fifteen minutes he was going to be late for his exam.  Finn even kicked over his desk chair in frustration at the end of the video.

 

“That’s great, just great,” Kurt muttered.  “I’m panicking about my father’s health and the rest of my so-called family is mocking me.”

 

Carole stood up and walked over to where Kurt was, putting her hands on his shoulders, forcing Kurt to look her in the eye.  “No one’s mocking you, Kurt.  You know Finn wouldn’t do that.”

 

Kurt swallowed Carole’s tone and her words ringing more than true.  He examined Carole and saw a warmth in her eyes.  She knows; he thought to himself.

 

“I sent a text to Finn, asking him to send one to you to try to calm you down,” Carole explained.  “But Noah texted me back that perhaps Finn wasn’t the best person to suggest you should calm down right now.  I guess Finn is freaking out just as much as you are.”

 

“It’s probably all that time the two of you boys have been spending together lately,” Burt said.  “Now you’re acting like each other.”

 

Kurt looked at Carole, who looked like she was trying not to laugh, and he had to bring his fist up to his mouth to stifle his own laughter that threatened to erupt.  But the doctor chose that moment to enter, and the atmosphere of the room turned serious and sombre once again.

 

000

 

“A toast,” Burt cheered as he raised a glass, “to a clean bill of health.”

 

“Here, here,” Carole said as she clinked her glass of wine with Burt’s.  Kurt and Finn each lifted their glasses of pop and clinked them against their parents.  

 

Kurt couldn’t keep the smile from his face.  His dad was healthy; he was home and would be for just over two weeks and he was currently sitting next to Finn, pressed close against him in a booth at Breadstix.  Kurt stroked his hand up and down Finn’s thigh under the table.  He saw Finn look at him, his eyes dark.  

 

“How were your exams, Kurt?” Carole asked.

 

“Good, I think,” Kurt said.  “Very different from high school finals.  But I think I did well enough.  My grades should be posted online by the end of next week, so I guess we’ll see.”

 

“Just one more left for you right, Finn?” Burt asked.  

 

Finn grimaced.  “My toughest subject too.  I might have to cut out of here early tonight to head back to the dorm and study.  But you know; a growing boy’s gotta eat, right?  And we’ve got something to celebrate!”

 

“We sure do,” Carole agreed.  She laid her head on Burt’s shoulder and smiled at her son’s across the table.  

 

“Kurt, you said you’re going to the school’s glee club Regional performance tomorrow?” Burt asked.

 

Kurt nodded.  “Blaine asked me to come.  Mercedes and Mike are in town; I heard Santana say she might come back for it too.  It’s a shame you have to miss it because of your exam Finn.”

 

“I know,” Finn agreed.  “Mike and Mercedes have really helped us pick up our game in the last little bit.  The group is so excited to perform.  I mean; they’re not the group we were last year, but they’ve worked hard, and I think they have a decent shot.”  Finn reached under the table and squeezed Kurt’s knee gently.  

 

“I’m sure they’re going to do great,” Burt agreed.  “I’ve been real impressed, watching you help out over at the school, working shifts at the garage and keeping up with your studies the past few months Finn.”

 

Finn ducked his head at the praise from Burt as their food arrived.  

 

When they finished their meal, Finn began to make his excuses.  “I really should head back to the dorm and get back to studying.”

 

“What about you, kiddo?” Burt asked.  “What are your plans for tonight?”

 

“Well,” Kurt hummed.  “I was just thinking about how well Finn did in high school when we studied together.  Maybe I should go back to the dorms with Finn and help him study.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure Finn doesn’t want you to feel obligated to help him,” Burt said.

 

“I’m offering, it’s ok,” Kurt said.

 

“Well, if you’re sure, Kurt,” Finn said with a smile.  “I’m sure I could use your help.”

 

“If you boys are up studying too late, I don’t want Kurt to drive home,” Burt said.  “So either wrap it up at a decent time or crash at the dorms with Finn and Travis ok.  That is ok, isn’t it, Finn?”

 

Finn nodded.  “Yeah, I mean Puck crashes with us half a dozen times a month or more.  So it shouldn’t be a problem.”

 

Kurt leaned in and kissed his father on the cheek and then hugged Carole.  “It’ll be ok.  I’ll see you tomorrow before Regionals for sure, Dad.”  

 

“Kurt,” Carole started, a small smile on her lips, “don’t be too hard on Finn ok.”

 

Kurt felt his cheeks redden, and he turned his head before his father noticed.  He coughed into his hand.  “Sure.  Good night.”

 

Finn leaned in and hugged both Burt and Carole, and kissed his mom on the cheek.  “Night mom, night Burt.”

 

“Good luck, Finn!” Carole said.

 

Kurt shoved his hands in his pockets, fighting the urge to grab Finn’s hand as they walked away.  Finn threw his arm around Kurt’s shoulders though, as they walked out to where their cars were parked.  

 

“So obviously Carole knows,” Kurt said as he turned to Finn once they hit the parking lot.  

 

“Yeah, I’ve talked to her about some stuff,” Finn admitted.

 

“But dad doesn’t know?” Kurt asked.

 

“Well, you do see me standing here right?” Finn laughed.  “I highly doubt Burt would have sent you off to spend the night with the guy that wants to date you if he knew.”

 

“Your mom is ok with keeping this from my dad?” Kurt asked.

 

“Kind of,” Finn said.  “I promised once we got past this appointment, and our exams and Regionals and while you were home that I would talk to him.”

 

“Really?” Kurt said.

 

Finn turned Kurt, so he was looking straight into Kurt’s eyes; his hands firmly gripping Kurt’s shoulders.  “What do I have to do to prove to you how serious I am about you?  About us?”

 

“No, I’m starting to really believe you about that,” Kurt said.  “It’s just, telling my dad.  Like you said, he’s not going to willingly send me off to you, or you to me.  He’ll probably watch us like a hawk while we’re at home.”

 

Finn tilted his head.  “While that is true, I think he’d be more upset that we kept this from him for too long.  Besides, we’re practically grown men Kurt, even if we’re behaving a little like teenagers.”

 

Kurt laughed.  “I’ll follow you back to your dorm ok.”

 

“Sure,” Finn nodded.  

 

000

 

“So I may have fibbed a little about my exam tomorrow,” Finn said when they got to campus.  He gestured for Kurt to get back in the truck.  “It’s my easiest class, the exam I’m the most prepared for.”

 

“Ok,” Kurt smiled.  “So what do you have planned for me then?”

 

“Travis and Dave are going to see the new Tom Cruise movie Oblivion in Findlay, and they’ve invited us to join them,” Finn explained.  

 

“Will you share your popcorn and red vines with me?” Kurt flirted.

 

“Hell, you can even share my seat,” Finn said with a wink.  

 

“Well, I’m not sure our movie companions will enjoy that,” Kurt said.  “But if you find the movie terribly boring, I suppose I can promise to provide a suitable distraction.”

 

“Oh, I’m counting on that,” Finn said as he reached out and took Kurt’s hand, tangling their fingers together.  

 

By sheer luck of his height, Finn was able to spot Travis and Dave easily once they got to the movie theatre in Findlay.  

 

“Hey guys,” Finn waved as he walked over, his hand gripping Kurt’s tightly.  

 

“Glad to see you guys could join us,” Travis joked.  He turned to Kurt.  “I’m glad your Dad is doing better Kurt.”

 

“Oh, me too,” Kurt said as he hugged Travis.  Then he turned to Dave.  “Hi Dave.”  He hugged Dave also.

 

“Hi Kurt,” Dave said.  “You look good.  New York obviously agrees with you.”

 

Kurt tilted his head back and forth.  “New York is good.  I didn’t think I’d see the day when I would be quite so excited to return to Lima, but…” he trailed off looking over his shoulder at Finn.

 

Finn smiled at Kurt.  

 

“You look good too Dave,” Kurt said.  “Happy.  Being in a relationship obviously agrees with you.”

 

Dave laughed.  “I guess it does.  I still can’t believe how I met this guy though.  Did Finn tell you he fell out of his chair when I came to pick up Travis for our first date?” Dave moved to stand next to Travis, putting an arm around his waist.  

 

Kurt laughed.  “No, that part I did not hear about.”

 

Finn walked over and stood behind Kurt, wrapping an arm across Kurt’s chest.  Kurt leaned back against Finn slightly.  

 

“Oh, would you look at the two of you,” Dave joked as he watched Kurt and Finn settle against each other easily.  “Is it any wonder we thought the two of you were secretly dating way back when?”

 

Finn dropped his face to Kurt’s shoulder.  “God, don’t remind me.”  When Finn looked up, he saw a Dave’s face fall.

 

“Shit!” Dave exclaimed.  “Sorry guys, we’re about to have company I think.”

 

“What?” Finn asked.  He turned around just as he heard Sam’s voice.

 

“Dave Karofsky!” Sam said as he jogged over to where they were.  Finn quickly dropped his arm from Kurt, and Kurt’s whole posture stiffened.  Not far behind Sam was Blaine.  

 

“Oh, wow and Kurt!  Finn!” Sam exclaimed, grabbing each of their hands and shaking it enthusiastically.  “I’m so happy to hear about your dad guys.”

 

“Kurt,” Blaine said warmly as he reached out to hug Kurt.  “It’s so good to see you again.  Hi Finn.  Hi Dave.”

 

“So, you obviously all know each other,” Travis said as he looked at the group of young men around him.  

 

“Yeah, sorry, Travis,” Dave apologized.  “This is Sam Evans.  He played football with Finn and me.  He sang in glee club with Kurt and Finn. That’s Blaine Anderson, Kurt’s ex boyfriend, who also sang in glee club with Kurt, Finn and Sam.  Guys this is Travis Harrison, my boyfriend.”

 

“Dude,” Sam exclaimed nodding his head at Dave.  “Nice to meet you, Travis.”  Sam shook Travis’ hand.

 

“So are the two of you dating?” Travis asked as he gestured to Sam and Blaine.  

 

“Uh no, no,” Blaine laughed.  “We’re friends, really good friends, but Sam is also straight.”

 

“Yup,” Sam shrugged.  “Sorry, guys.  Finn and I, we date the ladies.”

 

“Actually,” Finn started but Kurt elbowed him in the stomach and shook his head violently.

 

Sam and Blaine looked at Finn.

 

“I was just going to say, Travis is my roommate over at Lima U,” Finn said.  “I kind of introduced Dave and Travis.”

 

“I didn’t realize you and Dave were so close Finn,” Blaine said.  

 

“That’s where I come in,” Kurt said.  

 

“Oh, cool,” Sam said.  “Don’t worry, it’s not all that confusing.  You should see the chart of who has dated who, who has slept with who, who now lives with who from our glee club.”

 

“That’s right,” Travis said.  “I think I’ve heard a bit about that.  Let’s see, Kurt is Finn’s brother, and he lives with Finn’s ex-finace and the girl he lost his virginity to, right?”

 

“Exactly,” Sam exclaimed.  “And I also dated Santana, and hey, so did Dave.   And Santana dated Brittany, whom I was dating until recently.  And last year I lived with Kurt and Finn for a while.  Blaine has kissed Rachel.  Kurt has kissed Brittany.  Finn and I both dated Quinn, who slept with Puck.  And Puck and Santana have hooked up for sure too.”

 

Travis looked at Sam.  “That’s a lot.”

 

Sam nodded.  “And I didn’t even touch on the Rachel and Puck or the Artie, Brit, Tina, Mike stuff.”

 

“Yeah, it’s a big twisted knot of relationships for sure,” Dave agreed.  “Anyhow, we were just going to head in and see a movie, so we’ll see you guys around?”

 

“Yeah, we’re going into the movies too,” Blaine said.  “Sam said I’m stressing too much about my solo at sectionals tomorrow so he thought something like this might loosen me up a bit.”

 

“Yeah, Blaine, you shouldn’t be stressing about the solo,” Finn agreed.  “It’s going to be ok.”  Finn started to walk towards the theatre, Kurt, Dave and Travis following behind him.  Finn paid for his and Kurt’s tickets which no one found suspicious.  

 

“That’s what we’re going to see too,” Sam said as he paid for his ticket and followed Finn into the theatre.  

 

Finn stood in line at the concession and got a large popcorn, a large diet coke (Kurt’s favorite) and some red vines.  “Sorry I need the aisle, long legs.”  Travis, Dave and Kurt all shuffled into the row, Kurt sitting down between Dave and Finn’s aisle seat.  

 

“Shuffle down guys,” Blaine said.  “You didn’t leave any room for Sam and me.”

 

“There are two more seats over here on this side of me,” Travis offered.  

 

“I can’t sit near the wall,” Blaine said.  “I get claustrophobic. If the three of you shuffle down, Sam and I can sit here and here.” Blaine motioned to where Kurt and Dave were now sitting.  

 

Finn sighed loudly when he realized that Kurt would be sitting between Dave and Blaine and that both Blaine and Sam would be between him and Kurt.  “Hey, Kurt, here’s your red vines.”  Finn passed down the bag of candy towards Kurt.  “And I got a diet coke if you want to share, except you’re way down there.”

 

“Oh, that’s ok, Finn,” Blaine said with a smile.  “I got a diet coke too and I’m used to sharing with Kurt.”

 

“Thanks, Blaine,” Kurt smiled weakly.  He leaned back, looking over at Finn behind Blaine and Sam’s back’s.  “What the fuck?” he mouthed.

 

Finn shrugged his shoulders and pouted at Kurt.  

 

When the lights went down, Finn spent more time watching Blaine and Kurt than watching the movie.  Finn saw Blaine try to hold Kurt’s hand, but Kurt shook him off.  Finn’s fingers itched to reach out and touch Kurt; instead they skated up and down his own denim clad thigh.  

 

“Excuse me,” Kurt whispered to Blaine as he slid past.  When Kurt got into the aisle, he grabbed Finn’s hand and squeezed.  “Bathroom” he whispered, and then he moved up the aisle and into the lobby.  

 

Finn waited a few moments and then he stood up.  “I need some sour patch kids.”  His long strides make quick work of the aisle, and he soon found himself in the bathroom.  He put an arm around Kurt and pulled him into a bathroom stall with him.  

 

“I dislike your ex-boyfriend greatly at the moment,” Finn whispered harshly.  “You should just let me tell him and then you and Sam can switch spots, and he’ll be forced to watch us make out during that crappy movie.”

 

Kurt shook his head.  “You’re not going to say anything.  But you are going to remember that, after the movie, I am going home with you, not Blaine.”

 

“God yes,” Finn said before he crushed his lips to Kurt’s.   He kissed Kurt deeply, licking into his mouth and swallowing all the wonderfully hot noises Kurt was making.  Finn moved, so he had Kurt’s body pressed back up against the wall of the stall; his own body blanketing Kurt, as well.  Finn broke the kiss, panting harshly, but he moved his mouth to nip at Kurt’s jaw and neck while his hands rucked up Kurt’s shirt and mapped Kurt’s back.  

 

Kurt pushed one of his legs between Finn’s and began to move his hips against Finn’s.  Kurt pulled Finn’s head back up and kissed him forcibly.  One of Kurt’s hands moved to the front of Finn’s pants and palmed him roughly through his jeans.  

 

“Shit!” Finn hissed.  He wrenched his mouth away from Kurt’s and reached down to still Kurt’s hand.  “Please, stop.  Tell me we can go back to my dorm now.”

 

Kurt shook his head as he fought to regain his breath.  “Not yet.  Soon.  Patience, Finn.”  Kurt tucked his shirt back in.  “I’ll go back first.  Wait a minute or two ok.”  Kurt leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to Finn’s lips.  

 

Finn walked back into the theater and sat down next to Sam.  

 

“I thought you were getting Sour Patch Kids?” Sam asked.

 

“I did,” Finn replied.  “I was starving.  Ate them all already.”

 

“Sweet,” Sam nodded.  

 

Finn looked around Sam at Blaine and Kurt.  Blaine had just put his hand on Kurt’s leg.  Kurt stretched out his leg, before crossing it over his other leg, letting Blaine’s hand drop away.  Finn glared at Blaine in the dark of the theater.

 

Finn continued to try to watch the movie for a while, but the truth was his skin prickled with the electricity he felt between him and Kurt.  Oddly it felt a lot like it had felt between him and Rachel on the stage for Nationals junior year- singing their song, the one he had written for her, dancing around each other before Finn had leaned down and kissed her at the end of the song.   _Will we ever say the words we're feeling reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have our happy ending or will we forever only be pretending?_  The lyrics rang out in Finn’s head.  

 

Finn looked back over at Kurt and Blaine whose heads were bent in towards each other whispering.  Blaine slid his arm around Kurt’s shoulders, but Kurt shrugged it off, shaking his head at Blaine.  Kurt looked up and must have seen Finn watching them because he smiled slightly.  He stood up and moved across the aisle again.    When Kurt got to Finn’s other side, he leaned in and whispered in Finn’s ear.  “Back row, far corner.”

 

Finn nodded his head quickly and watched as Kurt walked up the centre aisle to the very back row and moved over into the far corner of the theater.   Once he saw Kurt sit down, Finn stood up and made his way over to him, not even bothering to let anyone in the row know where he was going.  Finn sat down in the seat next to Kurt and immediately laced their fingers together.  He leaned over and nuzzled at Kurt’s neck.  “This is officially the worst double-not-a-date.”

 

“This isn’t a date?” Kurt asked.  His eyes fluttered closed, and he made breathy little contented noises while Finn nibbled and sucked along his jaw and down his neck.  

 

“Nope,” Finn whispered.  “We’re not dating.”  

 

“All evidence to the contrary,” Kurt said.  

 

“All I know is that when I finally take you out on a date, it’s going to be a thousand times better than this suck-fest,” Finn said as he pressed his lips against Kurt’s.  

 

“I kind of like this particular suck-fest,” Kurt murmured when they broke apart for air.  

 

Finn chuckled softly.  “I don’t mean this particular suck-fest,” he gestured between them, “I mean that suck-fest,” he gestured vaguely in the direction of where the others were seated.  

 

Kurt leaned in and kissed Finn deeply, probing into Finn’s mouth with his tongue.  He pulled away breathless and rested his forehead against Finn’s, his hands on Finn’s shoulders.  “I don’t like to be wrong, _but I think maybe we have, in fact, been dating, Finn_.  I think our first date was a remarkable evening in downtown Manhattan, on New Years Eve.  It was incredibly romantic, and as far as first dates go, it was pretty perfect.”

 

“ _Fuck, Kurt_ ,” Finn said, “can’t we just get out of here?”

 

Kurt shook his head.  “What’s the hurry?  We’ve got lots of time.”  Kurt grabbed one of Finn’s hands and held it tightly.

 

“Lots of time,” Finn agreed in hushed tones.  He kissed the tip of Kurt’s nose.  He tilted his head over towards where their friends still were.  “You should go back first.”

 

Kurt nodded.  He stood up and moved past Finn, letting go of his hand at the last possible minute.  Finn waited until Kurt was sitting back down between Blaine and Sam before he stood up and returned to their group.


	8. How it Falls Apart

 

[](http://minus.com/i/FXgAGjDtJySq)

 

“That was nice of Travis to go back to Dave’s tonight,” Kurt said once they had returned to the dorm.  

 

“I may not hear the end of it from them though, you do realize that right?” Finn smirked.  

 

“Hmm, I think it might be worth it though,” Kurt said, wrapping his arms around Finn’s neck.

 

Finn smiled, leaning down to rest his forehead against Kurt’s.  “Oh, it’s definitely going to be worth it.”  He pressed his lips to Kurt’s and began to kiss him hungrily while his fingers began to help rid Kurt of a couple of layers of clothes.  

 

Kurt pulled his lips from Finn’s.  “Don’t let my jacket get too far away.  There are some things we may want later in my pocket.”

 

“Sure, ok,” Finn said, as he draped Kurt’s jacket across the bottom of the bed and went back to kissing Kurt and removing their clothes.  

 

Once they were each in only their underwear, Kurt laid back on the bed.  “You’ll want to get the stuff out of my jacket pocket now, Finn.”

 

“Ok,” Finn nodded.  He reached into Kurt’s pocket and pulled out a small packet of lube and several condoms.  His eyes widened.  “Oh!”

 

Kurt bit his bottom lip and watched as Finn blushed fire engine red.  He reached out and put a hand on Finn’s arm.  “Don’t worry if you’re not sure what to do, I can walk you through it.”

 

Finn didn’t think it was possible, but his eyes widened even more.  “Walk me through it?”  He shook his head.  “No. No, Kurt.”

 

Kurt’s eyes glistened with tears.  “No?  You don’t want to do this?”  Kurt tried to sit up, to cover himself.   

 

Finn laid the items in his hand aside and pulled Kurt into his arms.   “Kurt, of course I do.  And we will, but not tonight.”

 

“You do?” Kurt sniffled.  

 

“I really do,” Finn said.  “I just want it to be special and perfect for us.  Not in my dorm room just because my roommate was nice enough to spend the night with his boyfriend.”

 

“And it will be special,” Kurt said, “because it’ll be you; it’ll be us.”

 

Finn nodded.  “No, you’re right.  Just, let me make it as special as I can for you?”  Finn pressed his lips against Kurt’s, kissing him softly.  “We haven’t even been on a real date yet Kurt,” Finn laughed.  “That doesn’t really seem like us, you know.”

 

“Maybe,” Kurt agreed.  “But it also kind of feels like something that’s been building up for a long time already.”

 

Finn nodded.  “When we do this though,  you’re going to, I mean, you’ll take the lead right?”

 

“Sure,” Kurt said, “I can walk you through it and tell you what you need to do to me to get me ready.”

 

Finn felt his eyebrows furrow in confusion.  “You want me to get you ready?”  Finn’s face flushed red.  “Oh!  I just kind of thought you might want to, I mean, I’d be ok with you, doing that to me.”

 

“OH!” Kurt exclaimed.  “Wow.  Ok, sure, I mean with Blaine I always topped, but I never would have figured you for a bottom.”  Kurt took one of Finn’s hands and put it against his chest, over his heart.   “It’s just,  I always topped with Blaine and so I mean, no one’s ever done that to me.   Before Blaine, I always kind of wished it would be you, I just never thought it might actually get to be you until recently.”

 

Finn leaned in and kissed him tenderly.  “ _God, Kurt, yes_.   I’ll do whatever you want,” Finn said as he swallowed hard.  “I just didn’t want it to seem like it had to be me that, that topped,” his voice broke on the last word.  “I want it to be great, perfect, for you.”

 

Kurt nodded.  “It will be.  There are some couples that switch; or so they say.  That could be us.  I guess we’ll see.”  Kurt exhaled loudly.  “I kind of thought Blaine and I might be that way too, but he was pretty insistent on bottoming all the time.”

 

Finn leaned in and kissed Kurt again.  “There you go, not being able to take a compliment again,” Finn joked.  “I’d say that clearly means you are very good at it.”  Finn helped lay Kurt back on the bed and stretched out above him.  “Now that we’ve seemingly covered that, and we’ve established that it won’t happen tonight, but soon.  What can I do for you right now?”

 

000

 

The next day, Kurt sat with Santana, who had come back to support their friends and especially Brittany,  in the McKinley High auditorium watching the new  New Directions perform at Regionals.  Kurt knew from talking to Finn that he and Artie had actually thought of using Hall of Fame as their opening number and featuring the guys heavily through it.  Finn had emailed Mike and started setting up Skype sessions and getting detailed choreography plans for the group to follow while Mike finished up his last weeks at school.  The work had paid off though; Kurt thought it was possibly one of the better performances he had seen.  

 

Finn had also confided to Kurt that he had no clue on a song that would work equally well for the girls and was feeling at a loss since they all felt they deserved solos.  But in the end Finn had heard the song playing on Tina’s phone with Tina kind of singing along to it.  It was Finn’s gut instinct, and he had turned to Mercedes for help with how to reign in his girls.  Kurt had to admit that whatever Mercedes had suggested was brilliant because Kurt had not seen the girls quite so focused and working together as a team.  

 

But it was Marley’s original song that really got to Kurt and tore him up.  It wasn’t the first time the New Directions had done original songs; it wasn’t even the first original song duet, but it did bring back memories of junior year.  It wasn’t even watching Blaine duet with someone, watching him pour his heart and soul into a song.  And usually, usually that was where Blaine got Kurt.  But while Kurt was happy for his friend, it was the lyrics to the song that Kurt was focusing on.  For the past few months, Kurt had been so afraid of being hurt again that he had been fighting himself to keep Finn at an arms length.  There shouldn’t have been a reason to doubt Finn,  and truth be told, Finn had proved to Kurt over the past few months that they could, in fact, make a long distance relationship work.  It was time for Kurt to be honest.  

 

“Those tears aren’t for Blaine are they?” Santana asked as she handed Kurt a tissue to wipe at the wetness on his cheeks.

 

“No, they’re not,” Kurt agreed. “I just realized that by trying to keep myself from getting hurt by someone again, I may have hurt him just as much.”

 

Santana nodded.  “No one wants to get their heart broken Hummel, and I think very few people set out to actually break someone else’s heart either.”  She lowered her voice considerably.  “And this is Finn we’re talking about.  You and I both know he’d never set out to break your heart.  He would, and he has, put other people’s happiness above his own.  Especially when it comes down to one of us.” She gestured to group on stage, meaning their glee club family.   “But this is also Finn we’re talking about, not always the brightest bulb even if he’s big hearted.  Don’t put him back up on that pedestal Hummel; neither of you will be able to survive it.”

 

“I’m trying,” Kurt sniffed.

 

It wasn’t a real surprise when the New Directions won the competition; the real surprise happened after.  While everyone was celebrating in the choir room, Ms. Pillsbury appeared with a priest and she and Mr. Schue got married right then and there.  Kurt knew Finn would be upset that he had missed it, but he couldn’t wait to tell Finn all about it.  They had plans to meet for dinner and to discuss talking to Burt and going more public with their now established relationship.  Kurt was anxious to leave and have dinner with Finn so he began to say his goodbye’s.  Kurt could see Sam and Blaine standing off in the corner having a more heated discussion than Kurt would have figured after their win.  Sam’s face was set in a disapproving frown, but Blaine’s was lit up with excitement and happiness.  

 

“I’m going to take off,” Kurt said when Blaine approached him.  “Go see how Finn’s exam went, and let him know all the good news from today.”   Kurt hugged Blaine.  “Congratulations again.  Finn is going to be so proud of all of you.”

 

“We couldn’t have done it without him,” Blaine offered.  “Before you go though, do you have a few moments that we can go and talk in private?”

 

Kurt took in Blaine’s sudden nervous appearance, the way his hands seemed to clench and unclench in his pockets.    “Sure, I guess.  Hallway?  Auditorium?”

 

“Auditorium,” Blaine agreed.  

 

They walked silently through the almost deserted halls of the school until they got to the auditorium.  Blaine led Kurt down to the stage.  

 

“I’d forgotten how much I love this place,” Kurt said softly as he looked around.

 

“I remember that night, after West Side Story, like it was yesterday,” Blaine said.

 

“Blaine,” Kurt chided.  

 

“I know,” Blaine said.  “I know I hurt you.  And it doesn’t matter that I never, never, meant to.  But I’m glad we are talking again.  That we’re friends again.”

 

Kurt nodded.  “So am I.”

 

“Which is why I have an important question to ask you,” Blaine said.  He turned, so his back was to Kurt.  Kurt could see Blaine’s shoulder blades move with a couple of deep, steadying breaths.

 

Kurt panicked.  He could feel his heart beating quickly in his chest.  Kurt had this idea that Blaine was about to get down on one knee and propose.  And Kurt had no idea how to let him down gently.  

 

But instead, Blaine turned around, a soft smile on his relaxed face.  “Can we go for coffee tomorrow?  Maybe go see a movie?  Just the two of us?”

 

Kurt exhaled loudly.  “Tomorrow might not be so great.  It’s been so hectic since I got back; I feel like I’ve hardly seen my dad or Carole.  And Mercedes is only in town until Monday morning.”  As Blaine’s shoulders slumped in rejection, Kurt put out his hand and squeezed one gently.  “I want us to be friends, Blaine.  But I don’t want you to confuse rebuilding our friendship for rebuilding a romantic relationship.”

 

Blaine nodded.  “I hurt you.  And I’m still going to be here and you’re still going to be there at least for the next little while.”

 

“Exactly,” Kurt agreed.  “But I’d like to get coffee or maybe see a movie as your friend on Tuesday.”

 

Blaine looked up at Kurt.  “Tuesday sounds great.  Thanks, Kurt.”

 

000

 

“How was your last exam?” Travis asked as Finn walked into the dorm Saturday afternoon.  

 

“Good, I think,” Finn said.  “It’s been my easiest class all semester and it’s the exam I felt the best about.”  Finn sat down on his bed.  “Thanks for last night man.  It meant a lot to Kurt and me.”

 

Travis shrugged.  “Yeah, well when all those friends of yours showed up at the theater, I could see the evening wasn’t going quite as planned for the two of you.”

 

“That’s an understatement.”  Finn snorted.  

 

“So how are things between you and Kurt?” Travis asked.  “You were hoping that this trip would mark a change in your relationship status.”

 

Finn smirked.  “We might be dating now.  Kurt thinks maybe when we went out on New Year Eve; it might actually have been our first date.”

 

Travis laughed. “Oh, I put a couple of letters from New York on your desk.”

 

Finn jumped up and hurried over to his desk, shuffling through his mail.  He pulled out one specific envelope and tore into it, his face lighting up in a large, bright smile.

 

“Good news?” Travis asked.  

 

“I should probably tell Kurt first,” Finn said with a sheepish grin. “But my days of being in a different city than Kurt are numbered.”

 

“Congratulations,” Travis said as he stood up and hugged Finn.  

 

Finn shoved all the letters from New York into his back pocket and threw the other mail on his desk.  “Sorry, Travis, I’ve gotta split.  I’ve got a date with my boyfriend for dinner.  Don’t wait up!”  Finn smiled as he walked out of the dorm room.  

 

000

 

Finn got out of his truck at the Bob Evans on Harding and quickly scanned the parking lot for Burt’s old truck that he knew Kurt would be driving.  He didn’t see it in the lot, but as he glanced out at the intersection, it was slowing down to stop at a red light.  Finn raised his hand to wave, and he smiled but then he noticed the SUV coming up behind the truck that wasn’t stopping, in fact, it wasn’t even slowing down.  Finn’s eyes widened in shock as he watched the SUV plow into Kurt and push the truck into the intersection where it was then broadsided and spun around ninety degrees.  

 

Finn’s head was filled with noise.  There were horns blaring, tires screeching, people talking, screaming, yelling, the sound of glass shattering and metal twisting.  Finn didn’t realize he was one of the people screaming or that he was moving until he found himself in the middle of the intersection, next to the truck.  There was a man in his mid-thirties with Finn; he had a cell phone, and Finn registered gratefully that he had called 911.  The driver’s side window was busted out- possibly from Kurt’s head hitting it since that side of his head and face were cut up, and there were glass shards in his hair.  

 

“Oh, Dude, Kurt!” Finn exclaimed softly, reaching in through the broken glass to push Kurt’s hair out of his eyes from where his head was resting against the airbag.

 

The man gently touched Finn on the shoulder. “You shouldn’t touch him, don’t move him,” he explained.  

 

Finn turned to the man with tears already falling, “That’s my, bo-my brother, I have to make sure he is ok.  I have to do whatever it takes,” he said.  

 

Kurt moaned, and Finn turned around just as Kurt’s eyes fluttered open.  “Finn?” he asked, his voice soft and breathy as he tried to lift his head, but stopped and flopped back down and closed his eyes again.  

 

Finn reached into the truck and flicked the power locks before running around to the other side of the truck.  Thankfully the door was not as crushed as the driver side, and Finn was able to open the door and climb into the truck, sliding across the bench seat until he was flush up against Kurt’s frame.  He gently picked up Kurt’s hand that was lying limply at his side and held it, grinning when he felt Kurt lightly squeeze his hand back.  

 

“Hurts so much, hurts everywhere,” Kurt mumbled as he slowly turned his head to look at Finn.  Kurt’s eyes kept rolling back and closing between the laboured breaths, and Finn wondered where in the hell the ambulance was.  

 

“Ssshhh, Kurt, stay with me,” Finn admonished as he stroked the back of Kurt’s hand with his thumb, tears falling freely down his own face.  “ _I love you, Kurt,_ ” Finn sobbed softly, “please don’t leave me.  Not now, not when I’ve finally realized I’m in love with you, not when you’re finally ready to give us a shot, and we can actually be together.”  Finn’s fingers were curled around Kurt’s wrist, and he could feel his pulse slowing and stuttering.  Sirens sounded in the distance, and Finn said a silent prayer they wouldn’t be too late.  “Please hang on, Dude,” Finn whispered into his glass littered hair. “ _Fight for me, fight for us_.”

 

The ambulance pulled up to the scene and the paramedics immediately took in the sight of the truck and one of them came around to Finn’s side, opening his door and offering him help.  “I’m not hurt; I wasn’t even in the vehicle,”  Finn stammered pushing her away.  “Help him, save him,” he cried.  

 

A tall blonde paramedic that looked like an older, taller Sam, looked at Finn from the drivers side of the vehicle and slid his hands in through the broken window and tried to open the door from the inside.  “My name is Jonas, and this is my partner Kelsey,” he motioned to the slightly Asian girl that Finn had pushed away. “Did you see the accident Mr…?” he asked.

 

“Hudson,” Finn replied.  “I’m Finn Hudson. And yes, I saw the whole thing.”  Finn stopped and took a couple of deep breaths.  He watched as the paramedics tried to assess Kurt without being able to open the door.  “He was sitting at a red light and the SUV behind him didn’t stop in time and rear ended him.  That pushed the truck into the intersection where he was hit there in the drivers side by the traffic coming from the left and spun around and then he was slightly sideswiped by the traffic coming from the right.”  

 

The paramedic whistled lowly, “Wow.  Do you know the victim Finn?” Jonas asked.

 

Finn watched as Jonas picked up Kurt’s left arm to feel for a pulse.  Kurt’s face twisted in pain, and he let out a soft cry.

 

Finn nodded again and lightly squeezed Kurt’s hand to let him know he was there.  “His name is Kurt and he’s my brother.”  

 

“F-fin-nn, ‘s h-h-urt-t-s-s,” Kurt whimpered.  His eyes opening slightly for a moment before fluttering closed again.  

 

Finn watched as Jonas crossed around the front of the vehicle. “Finn, I’m going to need you to move, we can’t get that door open right now,” he explained.  “I need to get in there beside Kurt.”  

  
  


Finn nodded as he slid out of the seat.  “I’m still here, Kurt,” Finn said. “I’m right here, dude, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Jonas slid up beside Kurt and began to assess his vitals.  He began asking Kurt questions, trying to get him to open his eyes.  “Mr Hudson, my name is Jonas, I’m a paramedic.  Can you open your eyes for me?” he asked.  “Mr Hudson,” Jonas repeated when Kurt didn’t respond.  “Kurt, open your eyes please.”

 

“His last name is Hummel, not Hudson.  We’re step-brothers,” Finn clarified.

 

“F-f-in-n,” Kurt whimpered again.

 

“Your brother is right here, Kurt,” Jonas said comfortingly.  “Can you answer a couple of questions for me?”

 

Kurt nodded slightly before wincing in pain.  

 

“Yeah, don’t try to do that again ok, Kurt,” Jonas said.  As Jonas started questioning Kurt about where various places he could be in pain and what level he felt the pain was, a fire engine arrived and a couple of firemen began to work the jaws of life on the smashed in door of the truck.  Several cop cars had also arrived; interviewing people involved and witnesses, directing and re-routing traffic,  plus another ambulance and paramedics were checking out other victims of the crash.  It seemed like Kurt had taken the brunt of the accident though.  Finn stood by and watched, pinching himself several times hoping this was only a bad dream.  

 

A police officer approached Finn.  She was shorter than Finn, obviously, but she had a very commanding presence that made Finn think of Coach Sylvester.  She had red wavy hair pulled back and skin that was pale like Kurt’s but littered with freckles.  “I’m Officer Peters,” she volunteered as she flipped her notepad to a new page, ready to write down what Finn had to say.  “Can I start with your name?”

 

“Finn Hudson,” Finn said, not taking his eyes off where Kurt was.  

 

“Did you witness the accident, Mr Hudson?” she asked.

 

“I did.  I watched the burgundy SUV not slow down and hit the blue pickup truck.” Finn nodded to where the paramedics were working on Kurt, and the firemen were still trying to pry the drivers side of the truck apart.  “The crash pushed the pickup into the middle of the intersection where it was hit on the drivers side by the white transport truck over there.” Finn motioned to another vehicle pulled off to the side of the road.  “That spun the truck around mostly to where it is now, and then the green compact side-swiped with the back passenger’s side of the truck.”  

 

The sounds the door made when it was finally pried open made Finn’s stomach roll, and he almost vomited in the street.    Finn stood by silently and watched as they removed Kurt from the truck and laid him on a stretcher; a lone tear of relief rolled down Finn’s face.  Kurt was still obviously injured, but at least he was out of the truck now.  Finn was about to dash over to him, but the police officer put her small hand in the crook of Finn’s elbow and pulled him back.  

 

“You know the occupant of the pickup,” she said.  

 

Finn nodded.  “Kurt- he’s my brother- we were supposed to meet for dinner.  I had just gotten out of my truck over in the parking lot.” Finn waved vaguely off in the direction of the restaurant.  “I looked around for his truck and I saw it stopped at a red light, and then the next thing I really knew, this had all happened.”  Finn watched as they put one of those neck braces around Kurt’s neck and put an oxygen mask over his face.  

 

“What will happen to his truck,?” Finn asked. He watched the paramedics remove Kurt’s boots, cut open the left leg of Kurt’s jeans- and oh, was Kurt going to be pissed about that- and do something to his leg.  They also put Kurt’s left arm in a sling.  

 

“We’ll have it towed to a local garage, probably Hummel’s.”  The officer continued  jotting down notes.

 

“Yeah, that’s good, it’s Burt’s old truck anyway and he’s know best if it’s still salvageable or not,” Finn replied.  “ _Shit!_ ” Finn exclaimed, grabbing the officers by the shoulders.  “I’ve gotta call Burt, I’ve got to tell Burt.”  Finn shook his head.  “No, I can’t tell him over the phone, what if he has another heart attack.”  

 

Finn noticed the paramedics draped a blanket over Kurt, despite the warmth of the spring day.  

 

“Are you coming with us in the ambulance Finn?” Jonas asked with a warm hand on Finn’s shoulder.  

 

“Yeah,” Finn stammered as he moved to follow them, but then Finn remembered Kurt always had that bag with him, that sat-something and Finn was sure he had kicked it with his large feet in the truck.  “Hang on,” he said to Jonas as he jogged over to the truck and grabbed Kurt’s bag before climbing into the back of the ambulance.  

 

000

 

Finn stood in the lobby of the Emergency room at St Rita’s. He had been recognized by one of the nurses almost immediately and she had guided him to a chair and handed him some paperwork to fill out. “It’s okay if you don’t know it all, Finn, call your mom and Mr. Hummel. This is just something to keep you busy while we have a look at your brother, alright?” she had said softly.

 

Finn had nodded and sat down in one of those garish orange chairs. He started to fill out the trivial info he knew, but then he stopped and took out his cell phone. He dialed his mom and willed her to pick up quickly.

 

“Finn honey, how was your last exam?” Carole answered the phone.

 

“Mom,” he sobbed, wiping at the wetness on his cheeks. “Are you at work today?”

 

“No, it’s Saturday,” Carole said. “I haven’t worked Saturdays for over two years now. What’s going on, are you crying?”

 

“I’m at St Rita’s, Mom,” Finn said. “There’s been an accident.”

 

“What? Oh God, it’s not Burt is it? I told him not to go into the garage today.”

 

Finn shook his head and then remembered his mom couldn’t see him. “No Mom, it’s Kurt. _He was in a car wreck_. It looked really bad, and I’m trying to fill out all these forms and I don’t know his blood type or if his immunizations are up to date. I don’t even know if he has a family doctor here anymore.” Finn was babbling, it kept him from crying, but only barely.

 

“Shh, it’s ok honey,” Carole soothed through the cell phone but Finn could hear her own voice choked with emotion. “I’ll go get Burt from the shop and we’ll be there just as soon as we can.”

 

“Thanks, Mom,” Finn sniffed. He ended the call and leaned back against the seat. He swiped at his eyes again. He picked up his phone again and dialed Puck.

 

“Hey, Finn, what’s up?” Puck answered.

 

“Uhm, I’m going to need a favor,” Finn said softly. “You’re going to need someone to help you out, so swing by the dorm and see if Travis is around or call and see if Mike is still in town or Sam or something.”

 

“Sure,” Puck said. “What do you need me to do?”

 

“My truck is in the parking lot over of the Bob Evans over on Harding,” Finn said. “I need you to swing by, get the keys from me, then go get it, and probably drop it off at the house. I wouldn’t go yet for a while though, because traffic is probably still all tied up over there.”

 

“O-kay,” Puck drawled. “Where are you? And why do I need to get your truck and take it over to your moms and Burt’s?”

 

“There was an accident, Puck,” Finn whispered. “It’s Kurt. And it’s not good. I don’t think he was conscious in the back of the ambulance.”

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Puck swore. “Where are you? St. Rita’s? I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

“Yeah,” Finn nodded sadly. “We’re at St. Rita’s. I’ll see you soon.”

 

Finn stood up once he ended the call. He walked over towards the triage area and looked around for Kurt. Beyond the doors and a couple of hastily drawn curtains, Finn could see a flurry of activity. Kurt lay still in a bed, his eyes closed, his chest barely rising and falling with breaths. He was hooked up to a couple of different machines.

 

Finn turned away, he couldn’t stand to look at Kurt like that. He pulled out his phone and sent a text off to Travis.

 

**Hey I wont be back tonight maybe tmrw 2**

 

_I know Pucks here we r on our way soon_

 

**Ok**

_Need anything_

 

**Kurt to be ok**

 

_Anything from here_

 

**No nothing seems that important atm**

 

_Ok c u soon_

 

Finn flung himself down onto a chair. It clattered noisily and Finn looked up apologetically when an older woman near him cleared her throat.

 

“What happened to the boy you came in with?” she asked.

 

Finn looked at her for a moment. “Car wreck.”

 

“But you weren’t hurt?” she asked.

 

“I wasn’t in the car,” Finn mumbled. “I saw the whole thing though. I wish I’d been in the car too.”

 

The old woman didn’t say anything at first, she just nodded in agreement. Anything she might have thought of saying was cut off by Carole and Burt bursting into the Emergency room.

 

“Finn,” Carole cried helplessly as she looked around for her son.

 

“Mom,” Finn stood up, and walked over to where they were, throwing his arms around his mother.

 

“Thank God you’re alright,” Burt said. “They were just bringing in the truck as we were leaving. What happened?”

 

“It all happened so fast,” Finn whispered. “I looked up and saw the truck stopped for the light and I waved at Kurt, I don’t know if he saw me or not, and then this idiot rear-ended him sending him into traffic where he was sideswiped a couple of times.” Finn began sobbing as he recounted the story.

 

“Oh Finn, honey,” Carole soothed him

 

“They haven’t let me in to see him yet,” Finn said. “And I, I don’t think he was conscious in the ambulance on the way here. That’s what I thought I heard them say, unconscious and unresponsive.”

 

“No,” Burt wailed, reaching out and clinging to his wife and step-son.

 

“I’m so sorry, Burt,” Finn whispered over and over.

 

000

 

Carole somehow managed to get both her son and her husband seated in the Emergency waiting room while she made use of her position at the hospital and went to find out news about Kurt. She pulled out her hospital id badge from her purse and clipped it on her sweater as she made her way back to the triage area. Her hand flew up to her mouth when she saw Kurt. They had him out of his clothes and partially in a gown and partially covered with a sheet. She could see the many machines hooked up to him. His left arm was in a sling, and his left leg was splinted. They were using a portable ultrasound machine on his torso. His skin, normally pale, was almost grey in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the hospital.

 

Carole was unaware that she was sobbing softly until one of the other nurses guided her by the elbow away from the activity.

 

“You shouldn’t be back here, Carole,” the other woman admonished.

 

“I need to find out what’s going on,” Carole explained. “Burt is freaking out, Finn said Kurt was unresponsive in the ambulance and no one has told him or us anything yet.”

 

“Soon, Carole,” she said. The nurse walked Carole back towards where Burt and Finn were sitting in the ER waiting room. “I’ll send the doctor out just as soon as he has a better idea the extent of the injuries. You should go be with your husband and your son for right now. He’s in good hands.”

 

Carole sat down on the other side of Burt and wrapped her arms around him. She watched as Finn stood up and began pacing the floor in front of them, reminding Carole of just a few days earlier at Burt’s doctor appointment. Carole reached out a hand to stop her son. “Finn, please. Just sit down.”

 

When Carole looked up at her son, she saw that his eyes were red and watery. Given his admission about his feelings for Kurt, and the fact that he had witnessed the whole accident, Carole could only imagine how torn up he was about the situation. But Finn sat down beside her anyway and hugged her tightly, sobbing softly into her shoulder. She tilted her head to rest against his and closed her eyes against a fresh wave of tears.  

 

“Mr. Hummel?” the doctor asked when he appeared almost 20 minutes later.

 

Burt stood up and looked at the doctor. “How’s my son?”

 

“He’s still in critical condition I’m afraid,” the doctor explained. “We’re prepping him for surgery right now. We discovered an epidural cerebral hemorrhage and we need to relieve the pressure there before we treat any of his other injuries.”

 

“And what are his other injuries?” Burt asked.

 

“He has fractures to his left radius and tibia, which we have set and will cast after the surgery. He has several bruised ribs on his left side, although thankfully none of those are broken and we did not have to deal with a punctured or collapsed lung. There are also many superficial cuts and bruises. But our main concern at the moment, like I said is the hemorrhage.”

 

“A hemorrhage,” Burt repeated. “That sounds really bad.”

 

“It’s a critical injury,” the doctor explained. “The time from now until 48 hours after the surgery will be critical and should give us an indication of how your son will be affected.”

 

“Oh,” Burt said as he sat back down in nearest chair.

 

“Unless you are expecting more family, friends or visitors, you should go on up to the ICU waiting room,” the doctor said. “Your son will be brought there after surgery and that is where the surgeon will be looking for you to let you know how the surgery went. Only immediate family will be able to see him while he is in the ICU. But others can wait in the waiting room- quietly.”

 

000

 

Finn stayed in the ER waiting area while Carole and Burt went upstairs to the ICU. They hadn’t been gone very long when Puck and Travis arrived. Finn stood up and started to walk towards them.

 

“I’m gonna hug you, dude,” Finn said to Puck at the same time as he wrapped his friend up in a tight hug.

 

“I kinda figured you would,” Puck replied softly. “How is he?”

 

Finn sniffled over Puck’s shoulder. “They’re taking him into surgery soon. They discovered some brain hemorrhage thing and they need to relieve the pressure or something? He’s got some broken bones, but not ribs. And his lungs are ok?” Finn pulled away from Puck and turned to hug Travis briefly but he still felt one of Puck’s hands just under his left shoulder blade. “I didn’t really hear or understand everything the doctor said to Burt and he and my mom went up to the ICU waiting area right away.”

 

“We brought you a change of clothes and stuff,” Puck said. He gestured to the bag at his feet. “And I grabbed your laptop.”

 

“We stopped and picked up some food too,” Travis said. “We got some fresh fruit, some bottles and some crackers. And then we went through the drive thru at Arby’s and got you some food because I know you were meeting Kurt for dinner  before…”.   The rest of the sentence hung there in the silence between them; “…before the accident.”

 

“Thanks,” Finn said. He smiled weakly at them. “Do you want to come up with me?”

 

“Can we?” Travis asked.

 

“They said anyone can come up to the waiting area with us as along as they are quiet,” Finn said. “But only family will be allowed in to see him at first.”

 

Finn started to walk towards the elevator, Travis and Puck trailing behind him. When they arrived on the floor of the ICU, Carole and Burt were standing at the Nurses station, Burt filling out some paperwork.

 

Carole looked up and smiled weakly at the trio of boys.

 

“Travis and Puck came by with some food and stuff,” Finn explained. “They’re going to go get my truck a little later too and drop it off at the house or something.”

 

Carole nodded. “Thanks boys. Why don’t you go have a seat over there?” She gestured to the waiting area.

 

When they sat down, Puck’s phone chimed. Puck pulled the phone from his pants pocket and looked at the screen. He smiled briefly before he nodded at Finn. “Uh, that was Jake. They uh, they won this afternoon. And then I guess Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury got married right there in the choir room and they’re all over at breadsticks celebrating.” Puck looked at Finn. “They’re wondering where you are, dude. And me and Kurt. But mostly you.”

 

Finn groaned. “I turned my phone and Kurt’s to silent once I got to the hospital.” He pulled his phone from pocket and sure enough there were several missed calls and texts from Mr. Schue and various other members of the glee club, including Santana. “Oh shit! I should probably tell Rachel and Santana. Maybe Kurt’s boss Isabelle too.”

 

“I can tell Rachel and Santana,” Puck offered. “What about the glee club though?”

 

“Santana’s text seems like maybe she is here in town,” Finn said. “I don’t know about Rachel though.” He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to tell the glee club.”

 

“I’ll talk to Santana,” Puck said. “I’ll get her to keep it hush if she is here in town. Maybe you should call Schue though.”

 

Finn nodded. “Yeah. I probably should do that.”

 

Finn picked up his phone and called his mentor.

 

“Finn,” Will’s voice boomed over the phone. “We’re all wondering where you are. It’s a celebration.”

 

Finn smiled weakly at his phone. “I know, man, congratulations to the group and to you too. But I can’t make it today.” He exhaled loudly. “There’s been a family emergency and I’d appreciate if you keep it under wraps and make excuses for me, we just don’t want to be crowded at the moment.”

 

“Sure, sure,” Will said. It was quieter on Will’s end of the phone like maybe he had moved away from the group. His voice dropped to a whisper. “It’s not Burt is it?”

 

“No- no, I don’t really want to go into details right now Mr. Schue,” Finn explained. “Just let everyone know I’m glad and proud but I just can’t be there right now.

 

“Is there anything I can do?” Will asked.

 

“No, but I’ll let you know if there is,” Finn said. “Bye and congrats again man.”

 

“Bye, Finn.”

 

Finn looked over at Puck who was speaking softly Finn guessed, to Santana. He sat down next to Travis who held out the Arby’s bag in his friend’s direction. Puck came over and sat back down with Finn and Travis.

 

“So Santana knows and she’s not going to say anything to anyone there,” Puck announced. “She is headed back to New York tomorrow and she offered to tell Rachel then. Gives you a chance to maybe find out more about what’s going on before you have to deal with her.”

 

Finn nodded his head and Carole and Burt came over and sat down with the boys.

 

“We’re going to go get Finn’s truck and bring it back to your place,” Puck explained. He held out his hand for Finn’s keys.

 

“Can we bring you guys back anything?” Travis asked.

 

Carole shook her head no.

 

“Thanks,” Finn said. He got up and walked over to the elevator with Travis and Puck. “I guess we’re going to be here awhile. I don’t even know.”

 

“Keep your phone on, at least your texts, ok?” Travis said.

 

Finn nodded. “Sure.

 

A couple of hours later Travis and Puck returned with a tray full of coffees and a bag of sandwiches. They had just put the bag on the table when a doctor appeared. He called Burt and Carole over, the three of them talking in hushed tones while the three boys tried not to eavesdrop on the conversation.

 

Carole came over. “He’s out of surgery. Burt and I are going to go in to see him first and then you can go in Finn. Sorry boys, only family right now.”

 

“Ok Mom,” Finn said softly. Puck and Travis nodded at Carole.

 

Finn closed his eyes and tried to mentally prepare himself for what he might see when he went into Kurt’s room. But when he closed his eyes, all Finn could see was Kurt in the truck during and right after the accident. He couldn’t even picture Kurt from a better time, like at the movies or back at his dorm. Had that really only been last night? Finn watched as Carole and Burt both came out of Kurt’s room. Their eyes were red and shiny, their cheeks tear stained. Carole pulled Finn to the side before he could go in.

 

“He’s not awake and you shouldn’t try to wake him,” she explained. “They haven’t had a chance to cast his arm or leg yet, so don’t jostle his left side too much. And his ivs are hooked up to his right arm so be careful of that.” Carole looked at Finn and hugged him tight. “Don’t freak out about the breathing tube. It’s just precautionary. And if they can determine later that he is breathing fine on his own, they’ll remove it.”

 

Finn nodded mutely at what his mother was saying but it was as if the words were not really registering with him. None of it made sense. He walked slowly into Kurt’s room, his eyes widening when they finally found Kurt’s form and Finn had to reach out and grab at the table at the foot of the bed to keep himself from collapsing.

 

Part of Kurt’s head was bandaged, the gauze wrapping around his head and reminding Finn of that ridiculous sweatband Kurt had worn to keep his hair out of his face while he was on the football team. Kurt’s usually styled hair lay mostly flat like it had when Finn had first joined glee club. His pale skin looked almost grey and there were small cuts and bruises in lots of spots. Thanks to the open neck of Kurt’s hospital gown, Finn could see a couple of bruises he himself had caused the night before, and slight marking from his teeth along Kurt’s neck and collar bones.

 

Kurt was hooked up to many machines and Finn had no idea what half of them did. Some of them were making noises, some were displaying different numbers and abbreviations that made no sense to Finn. He was afraid to touch Kurt, afraid he would disrupt the precarious balance that Kurt seemed to be in.

 

Finn could feel the tears trailing down his cheek and feel his breaths coming out as sobs, but they were silent in the mostly still and quiet room. Finn reached out his hand and placed it gently on Kurt’s leg, just above his right knee. He stroked the blanket with his thumb and blinked heavily when it prompted no response in Kurt. It was one of the ticklish areas that Finn had discovered on Kurt once Kurt had returned from Dalton.

 

“Why is this happening to us?” Finn asked the room at large. He took his hand off Kurt’s leg and slid his fingers in underneath Kurt’s right hand. Kurt’s hand was cool to the touch and Finn moved closer, sitting down in the chair beside the bed.

 

“Are you ok?” Carole’s voice startled Finn.

 

Finn turned and looked at his mom. “This doesn’t feel real somehow,” he said. “I feel like I’m going to wake up and still have my exam to write.” Finn looked back at the bed. “It kind of doesn’t even look like him, you know?”

 

Carole moved to stand behind Finn. She placed her hands on his shoulders and rubbed lightly. “He looks so young. Younger than even when I first met him.”

 

“He’s going to be ok though,” Finn said, as much to himself as to his mother. “He’s strong, a real fighter you know. Look at everything he’s ever been through. And he’s got all of us now too.”

 

Carole squeezed Finn’s shoulder a little tighter. “No matter what, we’ll get through this all together.”

 

Finn reached over and pushed a lock of Kurt’s hair out of his eyes; the same way he had seen Kurt do it a million times before. 


	9. It All Comes Back to You

[](http://minus.com/i/bgeKBKkwcwnOO)

 

Over the next few days, word on Kurt’s accident filtered around through the Glee club and their friends. Many people stopped by, with Finn, Carole, or Burt coming out into the waiting room to tell them the latest. Finn also fielded many phone calls and texts from well meaning friends.  Finn even found time to have a mildly awkward, but probably needed, conversation with Rachel.  

 

“So you and Kurt are dating?” Rachel asked.

 

“Kind of.” Finn shrugged even though Rachel couldn’t see him through the phone.  “There’s mutual feelings involved.  He knows how I feel about him, I know how he feels about me, but most of the time he’s there in New York and I’m here in Lima, you know.”  

 

“But you were just here,” Rachel said.  “And he’s there right now.”

 

“We had a good time when I was in New York,” Finn said.  “And this trip was mostly about Burt.  It’s just nice that I’m here too and not at a school somewhere else.”

 

“You guys didn’t stay at the loft the whole time when you were in New York; you didn’t want to  have to be careful around Santana and I,” Rachel said.

 

“Sure, there was that,” Finn replied.  “But it was nice to not have to make the trip from Bushwick into Manhattan every day too.”

 

“So you’re…” Rachel trailed off.

 

“I’m in love with Kurt,” Finn said.  “That’s really the only thing that matters.”  Finn knew she was waiting for him to put a label on himself but he didn’t feel it was something he needed to do, at least not for Rachel Berry.  

 

“As long as you’re happy; both of you,”Rachel said.  “And take care of each other.”

 

“I know I am,” Finn whispered.  “And I will.”

 

000

 

Burt and Finn both didn’t want Kurt to wake up alone, so they had worked out a schedule where Burt and or Carole spent the majority of the day at the hospital and Finn spent the evenings and nights. Sleeping in the chair in Kurt’s room was not the most comfortable but it made more sense for Finn to do it than for Burt or his mom. And when it was quiet and dark at night, Finn had time to think and he’d talk softly to Kurt or sing to him.

 

The day after the accident they casted Kurt’s leg and his arm and then his leg and arm were propped up with pillows. The day after that they determined Kurt was breathing fine on his own and removed the ventilator. There was some slight response to stimulus but nothing spontaneous. But it still gave them hope. Every night, a nurse would come by and change the dressing on Kurt’s head, and wash Kurt a little. She started to show Finn what to do and encouraged him to help.

 

“I’m kind of big and clumsy,” Finn protested. “I’m afraid I might hurt him more.”

 

“You won’t,” she promised. “Touch is just as important as speaking to him.”

 

As the days passed, the bruises on Kurt’s body started first to deepen and then to fade into a greenish yellow, and Finn was sure if Kurt had been awake, he would be moaning about how horrible he looked. As the bruises faded though, so did the marks Finn had left on Kurt the night before, and it made Finn feel alone and very separate from Kurt.

 

“Excuse me, Mr. Hudson,” one of the evening nurses poked her head into Kurt’s room.

 

Finn looked up from where he was sitting beside Kurt’s bed, reading off emails and facebook messages from everyone.

 

“There’s a young man in the waiting room that would like to see your brother but since he’s not family we can’t let him in. Would you like to come out and speak to him?” The nurse looked apologetic.

 

Finn nodded. “Sure.” He squeezed Kurt’s hand once, waiting, hoping for Kurt to squeeze back but he didn’t. “I’ll be right back, Kurt.”

 

Finn followed the nurse to the waiting area and was immediately greeted with an armful of Blaine Anderson.

 

“Finn,” he sniffled, “why won’t they let me in to see Kurt?”

 

Finn gripped Blaine by the arms and led him towards a seat. “They’re still keeping it to just family right now.”

 

“I thought he was doing better?” Blaine questioned.

 

“They have determined that they managed to stop the bleed in his brain, and they were able to get his arm and leg casted, but he’s still mostly unresponsive,” Finn said.

 

Blaine turned large, wet eyes on Finn. “When do they expect him to wake up?”

 

“They’re not sure,” Finn said. “They said it’s probably just his body protecting itself from all his injuries so once he starts to heal? It’s only been a couple of days.”

 

Blaine nodded, and swiped at his eyes.

 

“So listen, while you’re here can you do me a favor?” Finn asked.

 

“Sure,” Blaine said.

 

“I’ve been here most nights and mornings, letting Mom and Burt get some sleep and they take the day shift. But the nurses at night, they’ve been coming in to clean Kurt up a little, and you know how picky he is about his products. Could you go by the house and get his skin care stuff and then walk me through it? I think it would make Kurt really happy when he wakes up.”

 

Blaine nodded, his eyes lit up like spotlights. “Yeah, I can do that.”

 

“Thanks man,” Finn said. He clapped Blaine on the shoulder and made his way back to Kurt’s room.

 

When Blaine returned a couple of hours later, he had a bag full of Kurt’s products for Finn plus a pizza and a couple of pops.

 

“I thought you might be hungry,” Blaine said as he held up the box with the pizza.

 

Finn’s eyes widened in appreciation. “I’m always hungry.”

 

“This is a really nice thing you are doing for Kurt,” Blaine said. “He’s going to appreciate it. I wrote down the steps with the names of the products as they appear on the containers and the best way to apply each.” Blaine thrust the bag at Finn. He opened the box of pizza and set it on a small table between them and then handed Finn a can of pop.

 

“I feel like it’s the least I can do,” Finn said between bites of pizza. “He’s Kurt. I- I love him.”

 

Blaine sighed wistfully. “You guys have always been so close.”

 

“Yeah, but that’s not exactly what I mean,” Finn said, his voice barely louder than whisper. “ _I love him. I’m in love with him._ ”

 

The expression on Blaine’s face was one Finn didn’t think he’d ever forget. He looked a mix between confused, sad and disgusted. Blaine narrowed his eyes into thin little slits, “You’re in love with Kurt?”

 

Finn nodded as he took another bite of pizza. “There is something I should probably tell you. I know you and Kurt have been getting close again. You want to get back together with him, don’t you?” The question was rhetorical; Finn could see it and Kurt himself had mentioned the same thing. “The thing is though, Kurt’s not going to want to do another long distance relationship Blaine. So as long as you are here and he’s in New York… that’s always going to be an issue. And I don’t know what your plans are for the fall, but…”

 

“New York, NYADA, with Kurt,” Blaine interrupted him. “That’s my plan for the fall. Plus it looks like Kurt will be here in town for the foreseeable future.”

 

Finn nodded. “That’s true. It’s just- .” Finn exhaled loudly and ran his hands through his hair. “Things have kind of changed between Kurt and I in the last few months.”

 

“Wait, the other night at the movie theatre… that some kind of weird twisted double date,” Blaine simpered.

 

Finn nodded. “Kind of.”

 

“Are you and Kurt suddenly boyfriends or something?” Blaine asked.

 

“No, no,” Finn shook his head because things still felt very new between them. “It’s just- it’s the same thing I was trying to tell you. Kurt’s hesitant to give anything between us a real shot because of the distance.”

 

“Are you sure that’s the only reason, Finn?” Blaine asked snidely. He stood up and glared at Finn.  “Maybe he is just trying to let you down easy. After all you’ve broken his heart before.”

 

Finn looked at Blaine for a moment, then he stood up, towering above the shorter teen and  he chuckled darkly. “I’d say we’re pretty evenly matched in that area, Blaine.”

 

Blaine had the sense to appear sheepish for a moment. “Kurt and I, we’re always going to have something. Our chemistry is undeniable.”

 

“You never forget your first love, Blaine,” Finn smirked, one eyebrow raised in defiance. “Kurt and I have chemistry too. And history- it’s not all great and it’s complicated, but it’s ours and it’s strong.”

 

“So, what are you saying here, Finn?” Blaine asked.  He took a couple of steps towards Finn, making Finn step back towards the wall. “Are you telling me you’re gay now and you’re going to fight me for Kurt? Because I think Kurt gets the final say here.”

 

“Oh Kurt definitely gets the final say on this,” Finn agreed, pointedly ignoring Blaine’s comment about Finn being gay. “I just didn’t want you to think that now that Adam is no longer in the picture that it had something to do with you and it would be smooth sailing for you.”

 

“Are you saying that you are the reason Adam isn’t in the picture anymore?” Blaine challenged.

 

Finn felt his cheeks burn.  He took a step towards Blaine, then another and another and more as he continued to speak, forcing Blaine to backtrack towards the elevators.   “Kurt does what Kurt wants; you know that. I’m just saying I’m here too. And Kurt is fully aware of where I stand.”

 

“It would be a mistake,” Blaine muttered, loud enough for Finn to hear as he stomped away.

 

000

 

The days continued to pass in the same way as the day before. Finn woke up at the hospital, he did Kurt’s morning skin care and gently combed his hair back off his face before Carole and Burt arrived. They’d bring breakfast and he would share anything that may have happened while he was with Kurt. A couple of days after Finn had started doing Kurt’s moisturizing routine, while Burt and Carole were in the room (and talking about Finn) Burt thought he heard Kurt make a noise. Then almost daily, Kurt would make little noises while Carole and Burt were visiting.

 

A few days after that, Carole witnessed the first time Kurt’s eyes fluttered open. They were not open for long, and he never seemed to focus on anything, but when prompted with bright light stimulus, Kurt’s eyes would open briefly before shutting again. He never opened his eyes when Finn was around though, and Finn didn’t try to make him. It started to feel like Kurt only responded when Finn wasn’t around. The doctors were very pleased with the progress Kurt was making though, and that made everyone happy.

 

On Friday, the third of May, Finn arrived at the hospital to find Dave Karofsky sitting in the ICU waiting area.

 

“Dave,” Finn greeted his friend. “What’s up?”

 

“Hey Finn. I just thought I’d stop by and find out how Kurt’s doing. See how you’re holding up.”

 

“You could have just asked Travis,” Finn said. “But I’m doing ok. And things are pretty much the same with Kurt. No big changes. “

 

“Tonight’s student night,” Dave said. “Did you want to come out with Travis and I?”

 

“Oh,” Finn replied. “Oh. No, I don’t think so man. Kurt was going to go with us, remember. I was kind of looking forward to it.”

 

“That’s what we thought,” Dave said. “Trav and I thought it might do you some good to get out though.”

 

“No,” Finn shook his head. “I can’t go there tonight. Not when I was supposed to be there with him. I need to stay here.”

 

Dave nodded. “If you change your mind we’re not leaving until about 8.”

 

“I won’t, but thanks anyway.”

 

“According to Travis you’re considering bailing on your summer session courses too,” Dave said.

 

“I don’t always get the best sleep here at the hospital at night,” Finn explained. “No point in trying to take classes that I’m just going to end up sleeping through.”

 

“Then maybe you need to sleep at home, or in your dorm and not here,” Dave said.

 

“Someone has to be here, Dave. What if he wakes up in the middle of the night?”

 

“It’s a hospital, Finn, there are people here who can handle it,” Dave said.

 

“If I’m not here at night, and I’m in class all day, when do I get to see him?” Finn asked.

 

“There is still plenty of time in between, Finn. You need to take care of yourself too. And do what is best for you. You know that’s what Kurt would want you to do.”

 

“I feel like I can’t leave him alone though,” Finn said. “I don’t want to let him down again.”

 

“You wouldn’t be.”

 

“I’ll think about it,” Finn said. “I haven’t filled out any of the paperwork to withdraw yet either, so technically I’m still registered if I want to show up Monday or sometime next week.”

 

000

 

The Friday before Mother’s day, when Finn arrived at the hospital after his classes, Kurt’s room was filled with people.

 

“What’s going on Mom?” Finn asked as he looked at the doctor and nurses doing various things to Kurt.

 

Carole turned to Finn, her smile bright and large. “Kurt’s been very responsive today. He’s made some more noises, his eyes have been open and blinking a bit and he turned his head a little.”

 

“That’s great!” Finn exclaimed. He moved closer to the bed and saw Kurt looking at the doctor; his eyes blinking. Finn could hear little groans and moans from Kurt and watched as Kurt tried to grip the doctor’s hand.

 

The doctor turned and looked at Finn. “Kurt’s very responsive today; he might end up being very tired tonight or he might end up keeping you awake.” He smiled at Finn standing just behind him. “Look Kurt, your brother is here.”

 

Finn watched as Kurt’s eyes opened again, wider than ever when he found Finn.

 

“Fi-ugh,” Kurt moaned softly. His eyes closed for a second, before they opened again, soft and wet.

 

“Fii-in-n.” Kurt drug out each letter of Finn’s name, as he focused on making each individual sound.

 

“Hey Kurt,” Finn whispered softly. His own eyes were glassy and wet. He placed a hand on Kurt’s leg and startled when Kurt moved slightly. “He moved! He moved his leg.” Finn said to the doctor.

 

“Good job, Kurt,” the doctor said. “Can you try that again?” He pulled the blanket off Kurt’s leg. “Can you try to move your foot? Or wiggle your toes?”

 

Kurt closed his eyes and pursed his lips. But then his foot raised slightly and his toes wiggled.

 

“That’s my boy!” Burt exclaimed. He moved to the foot of the bed, pulling Carole with him.

 

Finn laughed, because that was such a Burt thing to do. When Finn laughed though, Kurt’s fingers inched his way towards Finn’s hand and Kurt’s lips twisted into a tiny smile.

 

“Finn,” Kurt said, this time stronger and more confident.

 

Carole and Burt stayed much later than usual; everyone was excited about Kurt’s progress. The doctor’s had taken Kurt away and run some more tests that evening.   Kurt’s speech got stronger and stronger and he recognized everyone in the room. The doctors were very pleased with the progress he was making. Burt wanted to stay until Kurt was settled back in his room and the doctor could give him an update. Kurt was mostly awake and responsive, but he did seem to close his eyes and drift off to sleep again easily. When his eyes were open though, it seemed to Finn that Kurt was looking for someone not in the room.

 

By the time Carole and Burt finally left for the night though, Kurt was sleeping and Finn hadn’t felt quite so happy in a long time. He shut off most of the lights in the hospital room, and sat down in the chair beside Kurt’s bed like he usually did. He reached for Kurt’s hand, placing his larger one over it. Then he stretched out his legs, propping them up in front of him on the side rails of the bed and allowing his head to loll over onto his shoulder. Finn closed his eyes and began to drift off to sleep.

 

“You’re holding my hand,” Kurt’s soft voice echoed in the still, dark room.

 

“Yup,” Finn replied softly, not even opening his eyes. “You want me to stop?”

 

“No,” Kurt sighed. “’S nice.”

 

The next morning when Burt and Carole arrived, so did the doctor. Kurt surprised them all by being more alert and responsive. He even managed to swallow down a few bites of the soft diet food they brought by at breakfast time. He hugged his dad tightly, well as tightly as he could with his left arm in a cast.

 

“We’d like to keep him in ICU for a while yet, just to be safe, but we can start allowing visitors outside of the family during regular visiting hours,” the doctor explained. “Let’s just limit it to two or three visitors at a time, and nothing too exciting.”

 

“Blaine?” Kurt asked. “Can I see Blaine?”

 

Finn wasn’t sure why, but his stomach twisted with Kurt’s request.

 

“Sure, kiddo,” Burt replied. “I’ll call him a little later and I’m sure he’ll come by to visit.”

 

“Later this afternoon we’ll try to get you up and moving around a little as well,” the doctor said. “Of course it might be easier if you didn’t have those casts on your left side.”

 

“What happened?” Kurt asked.

 

“You were in a car accident,” the doctor explained. “You will probably need to be in your casts an additional 3-4 weeks.”

 

“How was I in a car accident?” Kurt asked. “Why am I here in Lima?” Kurt turned and looked at Finn.  “Why are you home?”

 

“You’re accident was here, not in New York,” Burt said. “You were home for a visit.”  Burt looked over at Carole and then Finn.  “Where do you think Finn should be?”

 

Kurt looked at his father, then Carole and finally at Finn. “The Army; why aren’t you there?”

 

Finn squinted his eyes and looked at Kurt. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the doctor exchanged a worried glance with Burt and his mom. “I was discharged. I shot myself in the leg remember.”

 

“You shot yourself in the leg!” Kurt exclaimed, trying to sit up more in the bed.

 

“It happened late September,” Finn said. “Then I showed up at the loft. Rachel and I broke up.”

 

“Wait, what?” Kurt asked. His eyes were wide and confusion was painted all over his face.

 

“Kurt,” the doctor said gently. “What’s the last thing you remember? Do you know what the date is?”

 

Kurt looked up at the doctor. “Moving to New York. Getting an internship at Vogue.com.near the end of September. I don’t remember coming home for a visit though.”

 

“Oh God,” Finn whispered. He felt the blood drain from his face and his stomach twisted into knots.   He sat down in the chair beside the bed.

 

The doctor looked over at Burt and Carole. “I think we’ll schedule you for a scan and run a couple more tests this morning before Kurt has any other visitors today.”

 

“When- What’s the date?” Kurt asked.

 

“It’s May 11th, 2013,” the doctor replied. “Don’t worry. This sometimes happens with your type of injury. It isn’t usually permanent but we’ll run some tests to be sure.”

 

Kurt’s eyes widened. “May. What have I missed?”

 

The doctor shook his head. “Let’s not worry right now about what you missed, Kurt. It would be better if you weren’t told things you don’t remember.” He turned to Burt, Carole, and Finn. “It would be best right now, if you give us sometime to run our tests and do a scan and then we can discuss Kurt’s apparent amnesia and how to proceed from here.”

 

000

 

It was after dinner Saturday night when Blaine arrived at the hospital. Burt was the one to call Blaine and tell him Kurt was awake and asking for him. Burt was also the one to tell Blaine about Kurt’s, hopefully temporary, amnesia when he arrived at the hospital.

 

“From what we figure, Kurt doesn’t remember much after September,” Burt explained to Blaine in the ICU waiting room. “He doesn’t remember Finn showing up after his discharge from the Army, he doesn’t remember our Christmas in New York, NYADA or the reason he was back in town.”

 

“Are you saying Kurt still thinks we’re together?” Blaine asked.

 

“It seems that way, yes,” Burt agreed. “And his doctor said it would be for the best to just let things happen naturally, to let his memories come back on his own. So don’t tell him about the break up. Don’t talk to him about NYADA, don’t mention my latest health crisis.” Burt sighed loudly. “And if you can pretend that you guys are still together, for now, it would be helpful.”

 

Blaine laughed. “I can do that, Burt. You know I still love Kurt. I’ll do whatever he needs me to do to help him.”

 

“No I didn’t figure it would be that much of an imposition,” Burt agreed. “But this is kind of a messed up situation and I hate to drag you into it. But he’s asking for you and I just don’t know how I can fend him off.”

 

“And how are you and Carole holding up?” Blaine asked. “I mean, I’m sure you’re ecstatic that Kurt is awake and doing so well, but how is this amnesia thing affecting you?”

 

“You know, we’re just so happy he’s awake,” Burt said. He took off his ever present ball cap and rubbed at his balding head. “We’ve tripped over our words a couple of times, but you know, we’re hoping this is just temporary and the doctor has explained that it will be better for Kurt to remember things on his own than to have things thrust at him.”

 

“And Finn?” Blaine asked.

 

“The kid is so excited Kurt’s awake,” Burt agreed. “He’s been quiet though. I think maybe he is afraid he is going to say something he shouldn’t so he’s just not saying much. Carole and I are just glad we were able to convince him to go back to his dorm tonight and get a decent night’s sleep for once since the accident. He and Carole went out to get some food for all of us. ”

 

“Finn’s been sleeping here at the hospital?” Blaine asked, his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

 

“Every single night,” Burt confirmed. “He didn’t want Kurt to wake up scared and alone.”

 

“He’s very…dedicated,” Blaine said.

 

“He really is, when it comes to Kurt,” Burt said.   “Since this whole cancer mess, the two of them have just become so close. Finn’s been Kurt’s rock through all of this.”

 

Blaine nodded in agreement, his lips pursed. “So can I see Kurt now?”

 

“Blaine!” Kurt exclaimed as he looked up and saw the other boy standing in the doorway with his father.

 

“Oh, you are a sight for sore eyes, Kurt Hummel,” Blaine said. He walked over to the side of Kurt’s bed, the side not covered in casts and picked up Kurt’s hand. Blaine brought Kurt’s hand up to his lips and kissed it gently.

 

“I’ve missed you,” Kurt murmured as Blaine’s lips grazed the skin on his hand.

 

“Missed you too,” Blaine said softly.

 

“I’m going to give the two of you some privacy,” Burt announced rather gruffly. “No excitement and no funny business ok.” He mock glared at his son and Blaine.

 

“Dad!” Kurt exclaimed while Blaine chuckled beside him.

 

Kurt looked up at Blaine who was carefully studying Kurt, taking in the bandages, the casts, the machines he was still hooked up to, Blaine’s fingers lightly stroking over the iv in his hand. “I know, I must look a mess, but I couldn’t wait to see you.”

 

Blaine shook his head and smiled. “I think you look beautiful. When I think of how close I came to- we came to losing you…” Blaine shook his head sadly.

 

“Hey,” Kurt said softly. “Not going to happen. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Blaine sat down in the chair beside the bed. “It’s just when I heard about the accident Kurt, I couldn’t help but think what happened if you died and you didn’t know that I sti- that I love you.”

 

“That would never have been an issue, Blaine,” Kurt said. “I know you love me, and I love you. Granted I don’t remember the last time either of us said it, but that’s the amnesia, it’s not because it was ever a consideration.”

 

Blaine smiled, but it faded for a moment and then he shook his head and smiled brightly again. He looked up at Kurt with wide, excited eyes. “Ok, I didn’t plan this but just go with me ok?”

 

Kurt nodded.

 

“I have something for you, it’s at home because this is not at all how I pictured it and I was waiting for things to be right and perfect between us and I don’t know how much more perfect the moment could be,” Blaine rambled. “But, I love you. I always will. And I want our always to start now. I came too close to losing you Kurt without having the pleasure of being your husband.” Blaine got up from the chair and got down on one knee beside Kurt’s bed and held his hand tightly. “Will you marry me Kurt Hummel?”

 

There were tears trailing down Kurt’s cheeks and he was whispering ‘Oh my God’ over and over while Blaine blundered his way through the proposal. When Blaine finally stopped, Kurt just stared at him for a moment.

 

“Yes,” Kurt said softly.

 

So softly in fact, Blaine wasn’t sure he heard him correctly.

 

“Yes!” Kurt shouted.

 

Blaine stood up then. “You said yes.”

 

“I did,” Kurt agreed.

 

“I promise, I’ll bring your ring tomorrow,” Blaine said. “I just didn’t want to wait.”

 

Kurt shook his head. “It’s ok. It’s good, it was perfect.”

 

“It was, wasn’t it.” Blaine agreed.

 

“Now if my _fiancé_ would just kiss me already,” Kurt joked.

 

Blaine laughed as he gently crawled up onto the bed, kneeling on the side of the bed and propping himself up on his hands over Kurt. He leaned in and brought his lips to Kurt’s, brushing them together very briefly. He felt Kurt’s hand come up to cup the back of his head, keeping him from breaking their kiss. Blaine responded by deepening the kiss, licking intently into Kurt’s mouth.

 

000

 

“We’ve got food and I even managed to sneak you in some fro-” Finn stopped short, grabbing the door frame when he entered Kurt’s room to keep himself from falling over.

 

There, on Kurt’s bed, hovering over Kurt, with his tongue down Kurt’s throat was Blaine Anderson.

 

“Sorry, dudes,” Finn mumbled.

 

“Sorry, Finn,” Kurt giggled when Blaine broke their kiss and crawled down off the bed.

 

“We kinda got carried away,” Blaine admitted sheepishly. He threw a calculated look at Finn.

 

“Oh, Blaine, hello,” Carole said when she came in the room. “We got some food, I’m sure there is enough if you want some too. And Kurt, Finn even convinced to me to allow him to sneak you in some of that Blueberry Pomegranate frozen yogurt you love so much.”

 

“Yum, thanks, Finn,” Kurt said. He smiled at his brother and then turned and smiled at Blaine.

 

“Should we tell them?” Blaine said softly.

 

“Tell us what?” Burt asked. He eyed his son and Blaine carefully, noticing their flushed faces and bright eyes.

 

“Blaine asked me to marry him and I said _yes_ ,” Kurt said.

 

Finn felt the entire room start to spin. He blinked his eyes a couple of times in case he was dreaming or hearing things or something.

 

“What?” Burt exclaimed. “Kurt, kiddo, this isn’t something you just rush into.”

 

“No, I know that, Dad,” Kurt said. “We’re not rushing into anything. It’s just something like this makes you put things in perspective right? And that’s what we’ve done.”

 

“I’d still like to talk to you, both of you, about this,” Burt replied.

 

“That sounds fair,” Blaine agreed.

 

“Oh, well congratulations boys,” Carole said. She smiled  at her stepson. “As long as you are happy and are sure this is what you want.”

 

Kurt nodded. “Finn? What do you think? I’m going to need a best man.”

 

Finn blinked at Kurt, willing the tears away. “Sure, Dude. Anything for you.” Finn moved closer to Kurt, stepping in between Blaine and the bed. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around Kurt. “Love you, Kurt.”

 

“I love you too, Finn,” Kurt sniffed.

 

Finn pulled back and looked at Kurt, who was smiling brightly and gazing adoringly at Blaine.   Finn looked at his mom.  “I’m suddenly really tired and not so hungry anymore. I think I’m going to call it a night.” Finn walked towards the door and left the room, standing in the hallway for a few moments while he collected himself.

 

“That’s not like, Finn,” he heard Kurt say. “I can’t believe he didn’t want to eat.”

 

“Kid’s probably exhausted, Kurt,” Burt said. “He’s slept here in that chair every night since your accident.”

 

“Really?” Kurt asked. “That’s so sweet.”

 

Finn couldn’t take it anymore and he walked as quickly as his feet would carry him to the elevator and away from the person he was in love with.

 

000

 

“I figured when Kurt woke up you’d spend more time at the hospital, not less,” Puck joked. He sat down on Finn’s bed in the dorm room and picked up one of the xbox controllers. “But it’s good to have you back around here.”

 

“Yeah, it’s good to be somewhere not the hospital for once,” Finn said. He reset the game for two players and settled back against the wall.

 

“So can Kurt have regular visitors now or do we have to wait until he’s released and at home before we go see him?” Puck asked.

 

“Yeah, he can have regular visitors now,” Finn said. “Just a couple at a time and only during regular visiting hours. Nothing too exciting either.”

 

“Cool, so I’ll go over with you later today and visit,” Puck said.

 

“I’m not going to go visit today,” Finn shrugged.

 

“What?” Puck asked. “Why not?”

 

“Don’t feel like it,” Finn said.

 

“Right,” Puck drawled. “Seriously, what’s going on?”

 

“Look, everyone wants to visit Kurt alright,” Finn said. “He’s probably maxed out on visitors all the time, and I already spent all that time with him when no one else could. I can pretty much see him whenever. So no big deal.”

 

“Sure,” Puck nodded. “So when is he getting released? Are you going to go stay at the house for a while, help out and spend your nights with him again.”

 

“I don’t know when he’s getting released,” Finn said. “I probably won’t go home though, I’ve got that one really early class and you know I HATE getting up any earlier than I have to.”

 

Puck threw his controller down on the bed and grabbed Finn’s out of his hands.

 

“Hey!” Finn protested. “What are you doing?”

 

“Seriously, Finn, what the fuck is going on?” Puck asked. “Did you and Kurt have a fight or something?”

 

“No,” Finn scoffed. “We didn’t have a fight.”

 

“Then what is happening? This is weird, even for you and Kurt.”

 

Finn exhaled loudly. “Kurt has amnesia. He still thinks it’s last fall. He thinks he’s still with Blaine.”

 

“Oh,” Puck’s eyes widened. “He doesn’t remember anything about the two of you?”

 

“Nope!” Finn exclaimed. “And if that wasn’t bad enough, Blaine _fucking_ proposed to Kurt and Kurt of course said yes.”

 

“What?” Puck screamed. “That doesn’t even make sense. Why don’t you just tell him everything?”

 

“The doctor said we shouldn’t try to fill in his blanks,” Finn said. “It will be better if his memories come back on their own.”

 

“If,” Puck said softly, “you mean he might not remember at all?”

 

“Apparently, it’s rare but yes, it is possible he won’t remember at all,” Finn explained.

 

“No,” Puck shook his head. “I don’t believe that for a second. There is no way Kurt isn’t going to remember what’s happened. There’s no way he’s not going to remember you and him.”

 

Finn shrugged. “Even if he does. He’s engaged to Blaine now. I don’t know if he could just walk away from him like that. Or what if he doesn’t remember until after he marries Blaine. He’s not going to divorce Blaine to be with me.”

 

“He’s not going to remember you if you don’t spend time with him either, _Dumbass_ ,” Puck said. “You can’t just ignore him and expect him to remember. You need to be around him. Do stuff for him. Let him see how you you feel.”

 

“How, Puck?” Finn asked. “How do I do that when I’m pissed off about the engagement and I can’t believe my luck that he doesn’t remember us? He asked me to be his best man already. How was I supposed to say no to him?”

 

“Look, it’s not going to come to that,” Puck said. “We’ll figure out something. Do you really think Kurt is going to stay engaged to Blaine when he remembers their break up? When he remembers that Blaine cheated on him? When he remembers that you’re in love with him? Because I think he’s going to leave Anderson in the dust.”

 

“I honestly don’t know what to think anymore,” Finn said. He ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“Look, you’re going to spend time with him,” Puck said. “You’re going to ignore Blaine as much as you can. And eventually, Kurt is going to remember.”

 

000

 

When Finn went to the hospital that night, he overheard Burt and Blaine talking in the waiting room.

 

“Listen, kid,” Burt said to Blaine. “I think you guys are too young to be getting married but I understand where you’re both coming from in light of Kurt’s accident.”

 

“Thank you, Burt,” Blaine said.

 

“But I’m not going to let this wedding happen with Kurt unaware,” Burt said. “Either you wait to have the wedding until Kurt remembers everything or we go to his doctor and figure out if there is some way we can at least fill him in on this part.”

 

“I don’t understand,” Blaine said.

 

“As far as I know, you guy’s weren’t even dating,” Burt said. “You broke up, you broke my son’s heart. I know you guys have been talking again and that’s good, but it’s not the type of relationship I want my son to base a marriage on.”,

 

“Burt, I know I hurt Kurt. And I’m sorry, I really am. But we’re past it.” Blaine held up his hands. “I swear. And I honestly think the only thing keeping us apart at this point was the distance. Kurt was afraid of doing a long distance relationship again.”

 

“That doesn’t make me feel a whole lot better Anderson,” Burt said warily,

 

“I’m going to New York in the fall,” Blaine explained. “Every school I applied to is in New York. We won’t have to be long distance any more.”

 

“Still, I’m not going to sign off on this until Kurt knows everything,” Burt said.

 

“And if Kurt wants to get married sooner than that?” Blaine asked.

 

“Then it’s your job to make him see why staying engaged for a while isn’t such a bad thing,” Burt said.

 

Finn smiled from his hiding spot. Maybe Puck was right, Kurt probably wouldn’t stay with Blaine once he remembered everything. And Burt, unknowingly, was on Finn’s side in this. Finn thought his mother might be too. And obviously so was Puck.

 

Ok, Finn thought to himself, _I can do this. I can wait for Kurt to remember and then we’ll be together._

 

000

 

Kurt was released from the hospital five days after he woke up. They set him up with a wheelchair since his arm and leg were still in their casts. Burt, Carole, Finn, and Blaine were all there to help move Kurt back to the Hudson-Hummel house. Finn ended up temporarily moving back in, just so he could help lift Kurt up and down the stairs in the house while Kurt regained strength and balance back in his other limbs.

 

It didn’t escape Finn’s notice though, how much it seemed to irritate Blaine that Finn was the one to be there for Kurt. And if Finn emphasized that as much as he could to Blaine, well it was only because he felt it was fair in light of the engagement. But being that close to Kurt, holding him in his arms, inhaling the scent of his shampoo, feeling Kurt’s cheek pressed up against his as they climbed the stairs; sometimes it was too much for Finn and he’d end up locking himself in his room, sobbing softly as he brought on his own release.

 

And it wasn’t just the stairs, sometimes Kurt needed help dressing, although it had been remarkably easy enough to convince Kurt that boxers and athletic shorts and some of Finn’s old tee shirts would be the easiest thing for him to get on and off over his casts.  But sometimes Kurt needed help bathing too. They’d wrap his arm and leg in plastic, get him situated on a plastic chair in the tub and pull down the detachable shower head.  Kurt would usually wear a pair of swim trunks until one time Finn suggested softly that Kurt didn’t have to.

 

Kurt looked up at Finn with wide, scared eyes. “You’d be ok if I wasn’t wearing them?”

 

Finn nodded slightly. “If it’s easier for you.” Finn hoped the look in his eyes was not nearly as predatory as it felt.

 

Kurt shifted slightly, trying to pull the already wet trunks down.

 

“Can I help?” Finn asked.

 

Kurt bit his bottom lip and nodded at Finn.

 

Finn turned off the water and let the shower head dangle. “Put your arm around my neck and lean into me.”

 

Kurt did as Finn asked and Finn was able to gently tug the wet shorts down Kurt’s legs and over his cast, flinging them into the corner of the tub. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from moaning when he finally was able to see Kurt like that again for the first time since the accident. Finn couldn’t help the blush that flooded his cheeks though, and while it matched Kurt’s, Finn knew they were for different reasons.

 

“Better?” Finn whispered.

 

“Better.” Kurt agreed.

 

Finn turned the water back on and continued to massage at Kurt’s scalp, handing him the shower head while he added and lathered the shampoo.

 

“Dad told me that you spent every night at the hospital after my accident, until I woke up,” Kurt said softly. “And that you tried to do my skin care routine. Thanks.” Kurt looked up at Finn. “It was really nice of you to do all that.”

 

Finn focused on Kurt’s hair, trying hard to not look at Kurt. “It kind of felt like the least I could do. And sleeping at the hospital, it made me feel better.”

 

“Were you involved in the accident too?” Kurt asked.

 

“No,” Finn said, but already regretting his words.

 

“But the accident bothered you,” Kurt clarified.

 

“Kurt, this is one of those things we’re not supposed to talk about,” Finn said.

 

“You were there though, right?” Kurt asked.

 

Finn sighed loudly. “Fine, yes I was there. We were supposed to meet for dinner and I watched the whole thing happen. That’s all I’m saying.”

 

Kurt sucked in a deep breath of air. “Oh.” He was silent for a couple of moments while Finn finished rinsing his hair. “I don’t blame you for the accident Finn. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”

 

Finn laughed. “It really wasn’t, but thanks anyway.” He handed Kurt a body sponge filled with soap.

 

“I mean, you don’t have to keep being so nice out of some misguided sense of guilt is all,” Kurt said as he scrubbed at his arm, his chest, down his torso.

 

“That’s not what this is,” Finn argued.

 

“It’s not?” Kurt asked. He scrubbed at his legs.

 

“C’mon Kurt,” Finn pleaded. “You know how I feel about you. You’re, you’re you. You’re the only you I’ve got, ok.”

 

Kurt chuckled. “Ok.”

 

“I know I haven’t been the best…” Finn stumbled, looking for the right word. “The best brother or friend or whatever it is we are today. But I’m really trying ok, to be everything you need me to be.”

 

“Ok,” Kurt agreed. “For the record, you’re doing a really good job.”

 

“Yeah?” Finn asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Finn couldn’t help it then, he leaned in and wrapped his arms around Kurt and hugged him close, getting his tee shirt wet and soapy. And before he could stop himself, Finn pressed a kiss to the top of Kurt’s head.

 

000

 

The next several weeks were a flurry of activities. Finn still had his summer classes to attend plus he was helping the glee club at McKinley get ready for Nationals in Los Angeles. Finn’s professors in his summer classes were far more easy going than his first semester and he was easily able to arrange to miss a couple of days while he was in Los Angeles. Finn hadn’t said anything to the glee kids about not coming back in the fall but he did tell Will Schuester about his fall plans and moving to New York where he had been accepted to Hunter college.

 

Blaine began spending an inordinate amount of time at the Hudson-Hummel house. He was there to help Kurt of course, and to spend time with his new fiancé, but all it did was irritate Finn to no end. Between Blaine’s presence at the house, and all the extra glee club rehearsals before Nationals, Finn felt like Blaine was an annoying kid brother he just couldn’t shake. And of course, it didn’t help that Blaine brought up the engagement all the time. Every time Finn had to smile and grin and say how happy he was for Blaine and Kurt and how excited he was to be Kurt’s best man, he fought the urge to kick something.

 

While they were in Los Angeles there were a couple of show choirs from the New York area and Will took it upon himself to introduce himself to the other directors. Then he talked about Finn, who had become the leader in their little club, leading them to Nationals last year and then helping this year. When Will casually mentioned that he was sad to lose Finn who would be attending Hunter in the fall, one of the other directors immediately asked to be introduced to him. When the New Directions returned to Lima, they had another Nationals trophy under their belt, and Finn had a new glee club to help with once he got to New York.

 

It was after Nationals that Blaine also started to get his acceptance letters to his schools; all that remained was for him to choose. His parents were very proud of his accomplishments but they were less than thrilled to hear about his engagement. Blaine was torn between accepting the offer from NYADA where he could be with Kurt all the time, and accepting his offer from NYU that would please his father. He put off his decision, trying to use the time to persuade his parents towards NYADA.

 

Kurt became increasingly more and more independent. As he regained his strength, he was able to hop up the stairs on one foot, while holding onto the railing. He was able to mostly dress himself although he often needed help with buttons. Kurt learned how to use his plastic wrapped hand to help shampoo and rinse his own hair. A couple of days before the McKinley graduation, Kurt had his casts removed. His leg especially, was still a little weak though, so he was given a cane to walk with for a while.

 

Finn moved back to the dorm full time after Nationals. It was nice to be away from Blaine and Kurt for a while. Travis, Dave and Puck all surprised Finn with a little celebratory party for the win at Nationals. Finn had a good time spending time with all of them again, but it made him sad to think of how much he would miss them all next year. Finn realized just how lonely it just might be for him to be in New York alone. “You’ve got to all promise me that you’ll come visit me next year.”

 

“Dude, I haven’t even ruled out the idea of moving to New York with you at this point,” Puck exclaimed. “And we are still working on the finer points of our plan to get Kurt to remember stuff and dump Blaine once and for all.”

 

Dave nodded. “It’s true. We’re all pretty firmly planted on Team Kinn.”

 

Finn laughed as he hugged them all. He really did have some great, if not surprising, friends.

 

000

 

“Thanks for helping me pick out something to wear today,” Blaine said. He and Kurt were walking arm and arm down the hallways of McKinley before the graduation ceremonies.

 

“It’s all covered by the gown though,” Kurt pouted. “But at least I know my fiancé is the best dressed under the horrible gowns.” Kurt nuzzled at Blaine’s neck.

 

“Mmmm” Blaine murmured. “It’s a little crazy how much I like hearing you say that word.”

 

“What, under?” Kurt asked, laughing softly.

 

“No, goof ball, fiancé.” Blaine sighed.

 

“Yes, that does have quite a ring to it doesn’t it?” Kurt asked. He stretched his hand out in front of them, admiring the ring on his finger. Kurt looked around at the mostly deserted hallways. “It feels weird to be back now. I thought it would be the same, but it’s not. Maybe it’s been too long; this is probably the first time I’ve been back since I left huh?”

 

“No.” Blaine shook his head and then fell quiet.

 

“Oh,” Kurt said. “I was here during the time I can’t remember. Well, at least we got to spend some time together while I was in New York and you were here.”

 

Blaine didn’t comment, he just tightened his arm around Kurt.

 

Kurt’s face scrunched up a little and he shrugged out of Blaine’s grasp, moving over to a trophy case in the hallway. Inside the trophy case was a cast photo from the musical that year, as well as a program. “You guys did Grease as the musical this year.”

 

Blaine nodded. “Finn choose it.”

 

“Why weren’t you Danny?” Kurt asked.

 

Blaine shrugged. “I played the Teen Angel.”

 

Kurt smirked and started humming a familiar tune. “ _You make me feel like I’m living a teenage drea…_ ” Kurt stopped short. He turned and leaned back against the case, his shoulders slumping, the smile dropping off his face. “I was here. I came to see Grease.”

 

Blaine nodded. His smile also disappeared.

 

“I came with Rachel because she didn’t want to face Finn alone after their break up,” Kurt said. “He came to New York, to the loft and they broke up. You were there. You sang that song to me at Callbacks.” Kurt’s hand flew to his mouth and he started to sob.

 

Blaine moved quickly to Kurt’s side to wrap his arms around him, but Kurt used his cane to push him away.

 

“You cheated on me,” Kurt said. “You were with someone else. We broke up. I stood here in this hallway and said I couldn’t trust you anymore.”

 

“Kurt,” Blaine whispered. “We got past all of that. We’ve been talking. Since Thanksgiving. We sang together at Christmas.”

 

Kurt looked up and blinked at Blaine. “I was in New York for Christmas, with my Dad and Carole and Finn. My Dad, Blaine, my dad’s sick.”

 

“No,” Blaine reassured him. “He’s fine, that’s why you were back here. He’s fine, I promise.”

 

“How can I trust you?” Kurt asked.

 

“I love you, Kurt,” Blaine said.

 

Kurt’s eyes widened and his voice was barely a whisper when he spoke. “Finn. Oh God, _Finn_.” Kurt twisted the ring off his finger and held it up for Blaine. “This was a mistake, Blaine. I’m not in love with you.”

 

“Kurt,” Blaine pleaded. “Don’t do this, Kurt.”

 

“Sorry, Blaine,” Kurt said. “I just hope I haven’t messed things up too badly between Finn and I. It must have been killing him, these past few weeks.”

 

“Kurt,” Blaine called as Kurt moved down the hallways.

 

Kurt turned around and looked at Blaine. “Go, you don’t want to be late.” He turned back around and hurried as fast as he could with his cane, down the halls and towards the choir room. Kurt could hear the drums softly though the closed doors. He opened one door gently, just enough to slip inside.

 

“I thought I might find you here,” Kurt said softly. He worried his voice wouldn’t be heard over the drums or Finn’s own humming.

 

Finn looked up to where Kurt was standing in the doorway.  “Kurt, you’re going to miss the graduation.”

 

“I don’t want to be in there,” Kurt said.

 

Finn looked at Kurt, his head tilting to the side. “What? Why?”

 

Kurt walked over towards Finn and held up his hand. “Notice anything missing?”

 

Finn grabbed Kurt’s hand, his thumb stroking over Kurt’s now naked ring finger. “Your ring.” Finn swallowed hard. “Did you guys have a fight?”

 

“Kind of, but not really,” Kurt said. “I, I started to remember stuff. It started with Grease. You choose Grease.”

 

Finn smiled. “I did. And they did a great job.”

 

“I came home,” Kurt said. “I wanted to support you, even though I didn’t really want to see Blaine then. But I don’t think I got to tell you what a great job you did.”

 

“I knew though,” Finn said.

 

“I was there, when you snuck out of the loft when you broke up with Rachel,” Kurt said. “When Blaine and I broke up too.”

 

Finn nodded. “What else do you remember?”

 

“ _You’re in love with me_ ,” Kurt whispered.  “I remember you saying it after the accident. You were in the truck with me, waiting for the ambulance.”  

 

Finn nodded; tears dampening his cheeks.

 

“I haven’t messed this up have I?” Kurt asked. “Tell me it’s not too late for me. For you. For us.”

 

“No,” Finn shook his head. “It’s not too late. It would _never_ be too late for us.”

 

Kurt brought his hand up and cupped Finn’s cheek. He moved in as if to kiss Finn but then stopped. “Kiss me, pleas-”

 

Finn didn’t even allow Kurt time to finish his request before he settled his lips over Kurt’s. They kissed slowly, softly, for a long time, standing there in the choir room, holding onto each other. “I’ve waited a long time to do that again.”

 

“What are we going to do now?” Kurt asked.

 

“Hold me close and never let me go,” Finn said softly. “I didn’t get to tell you, because of the accident, but I’m going to New York in the fall. I got into Hunter. And Mr. Schue helped me find a glee club to work with in Manhattan.”  

 

“You’re going to be in New York too?” Kurt sobbed.

 

“I don’t suppose you’d want to move out of the loft and find a place to live with me?” Finn asked. He reached down and grabbed at Kurt’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. It wasn’t really something they had ever discussed. And Finn would have been fine with Kurt staying at the loft and he living somewhere else. But with everything else that had happened, Finn wanted nothing more than to be with Kurt as much as he could.

 

“I think I’d like that a lot,” Kurt smiled.

 

The door opened  and Carole and Burt filed into the room. “Kurt, there you are. Everyone was wondering what happened to you. The Anderson’s are upset their son’s fiancé is missing the graduation.”

 

“Well, I, I kind of broke off the engagement,” Kurt said.

 

“Oh, thank God.” Burt mumbled.

 

“He remembers, mom,” Finn said softly to Carole.  

 

“Who?”  Carole asked.

 

Finn beamed at Carole.  “Kurt, he remembers, everything.” Finn held up their joined hands for his mom to see.

 

“Oh, honey, sweetheart,” Caole addressed Finn, then Kurt.  She hugged them both, pulling one in with each arm.

 

“Whoa, what’s going on here?” Burt asked.

 

“Dad, I’m in love with Finn,” Kurt said. “Rather, I’m still in love with him, after all this time.”

 

Burt’s eyes widened a little. “Is that so?”

 

Finn nodded. “And I’ve finally pulled my head out of my a-butt and realized I’m in love with Kurt too.” Finn pulled Kurt closer against him and pressed a kiss against his temple.  “I’ve been accepted to Hunter College in New York for the fall.  And Mr. Schue has helped me find a new glee club in Manhattan to work with.  Kurt and I are going to find a new place to live together and, well, we’re dating.”

 

Burt’s brows creased and his eyes narrowed into tiny slits before he broke into a huge smile. “It’s about time!”

 

“ _What?!_ ” Kurt exclaimed.

 

“Oh the two of you think you’re so slick,” Burt chuckled. “It’s not difficult to see something has been going on between the two of you. You’ve been practically inseparable since Christmas, you talk about each other all the time. And when you’re actually together, you can see it in your eyes. Both of you.”  Burt looked at Finn.  “All of those nights you ‘fell asleep’ in Kurt’s room when he was home for the wedding; that was a bit of a tip off.”

 

“And you’re ok with this?” Finn asked hesitantly. “With us?  With me wanting to be with Kurt?”

 

“I am,” Burt agreed. “Would it change anything if I wasn’t?”

 

Finn shook his head. “Not for me. I think we’re both old enough to make this decision on our own. But it sure is nice to know that us wanting to be together is not going to cause problems for you and Mom.”

 

“Not when I see how you look at him,” Burt smiled.   “Not when I watched how you were with him after the accident.  I’ve been real proud of the man you’ve become over the last few months, Finn.  I could see how much you were hurting when Kurt woke up.  And you still put him first.”

 

Finn nodded.  “I’d do anything for him, Burt.”

 

“Sorry Dad,” Kurt said, interrupting Burt and Finn.  He stretched up on his tiptoes and pressed his lips against Finn’s. Kurt pulled away slowly, blinking up at Finn. He whispered softly. “I love you, Finn Hudson.”

  
“I love you too, Kurt Hummel.”


	10. Epilogue

[](http://minus.com/i/cBZkQqZ0dmDm)

 

_New York City, NYE 2014_

 

“Are you sure this is how you want to spend New Years Eve?” Finn asked as they walked towards Times Square again.

 

“I’m sure,” Kurt replied from where he was tucked in against Finn’s body. His arms were wrapped tightly around Finn’s torso, and Finn’s arm was across his shoulders, Finn’s hand rubbing lightly at his upper arm. “We were home in Lima for the holidays last year, including New Years, and it was fun, but I thought it would be nice to come back here.”

 

“It’s  just like our first date; same thing, same place, same time,” Finn laughed.

 

“Exactly,” Kurt agreed.

 

“At least you’ve dressed warmer this year,” Finn said.

 

Kurt shrugged. “I know you love me just the way I am,” he sing-songed.

 

“You don’t need all that fancy stuff to be perfect for me,” Finn agreed.

 

“I still might end up a frozen Kurtsicle by the end of the night though,” Kurt complained. “I might need you to thaw me out when we get home, with some of that skin on skin contact you’re so fond of.”  Kurt waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Finn.

 

Finn pretended to think about it for a minute. “I think I can handle that.” They stopped for a stop light, waiting for the crossing signal and Finn leaned down and kissed Kurt. Finn ran his tongue over the seam of Kurt’s lips, eagerly licking into the warmth of Kurt’s mouth when it opened. When they pulled apart, the crowd around them jostling them as the signal changed, Finn whispered to Kurt, “We could have spent all night at home doing that.”

 

“We don’t want to be one of those couples Finn,” Kurt chided. “A couple that never goes out, that never socializes with their friends, that just gets so wrapped up in each other,  in fooling around and having sex.”

 

“Speak for yourself,” Finn huffed. “That sounds exactly like the kind of couple I want to be. Besides, you were the one that didn’t want me to invite anyone else along with us tonight.”

 

Kurt laughed. “I concede. I didn’t want to share you with anyone tonight.”

 

“Wouldn’t happen, never going to happen,” Finn replied at they reached Times Square. “I’m yours. Just yours.”

 

Kurt looked around, taking in the lights, the music, the people, and the snow falling softly.  He wrapped his arms around Finn’s neck and leaned up to press a chaste kiss against Finn’s lips.  “2014 has been a good year.”

 

“It has,” Finn nodded.  “I got spend it all with you.”

 

“Two years ago, when we were here, I wondered just what 2013 would be like,” Kurt said.  “I was freaking out about a bunch of big changes in my life; I was terrified for Dad. And you told me you could feel that 2013 was going to be my year.”

 

“Did I?” Finn asked, smiling at Kurt. “It wasn’t all that bad, but there are parts of 2013 I am glad are over.”

 

Kurt nodded. “Me too. You also told me it might be the year I met the love of my life.” He chuckled softly. “I wasn’t expecting it to be you.”

 

Finn chuckled, as well. “I don’t think I was either. Not that night anyway.”

 

“To be fair, we didn’t meet in 2013,” Kurt said.

 

“Nope,” Finn agreed.

 

“But we did fall in love,” Kurt said softly.  He closed his eyes and rested his head against Finn’s chest, trying to catch his breath as his heart beat faster and faster.

 

Finn nodded in agreement. “We did.” He tilted his head down, and put a finger under Kurt’s chin to tilt it up so he could kiss Kurt.

 

“You’ve done so much for me,” Kurt said. “More than I think you even know. And sometimes I feel so overwhelmed because I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

 

“Hey,” Finn scolded. “I do things for you because I love you. And I know you love me. I’ve never doubted that. Even before I loved you, I knew you loved me. Even when you were engaged to Blaine, I had to believe that deep down somewhere locked away in your memories, you still loved me.”

 

Kurt unwrapped his scarf from his neck and dropped it to the ground.

 

“Kurt?” Finn questioned.

 

Kurt reached into his jacket pocket and then got down on one knee, kneeling on his scarf, and then looked up at Finn.

 

“Kurt, what are you doing?” Finn asked. “Get up, get up before you get trampled.” Finn pulled at Kurt’s arms, but Kurt wouldn’t get up. Finn changed his stance, going into full protective mode and trying to shield Kurt from most of the crowd. He pushed gently on some of the people surrounding them. The crowd shifted, seemingly realizing before Finn did, just what was happening.

 

Kurt reached up for Finn’s hand, tugging on it gently to get his attention. “Finn.”

 

Finn started laughing. “What are you doing Kurt?”

 

“There’s one thing that I know I can do, and I know I can do it forever,” Kurt said. “That is  to love you. And I’d love for you to give me the chance to do that.” Kurt pulled a small black box from his coat pocket, opened the lid, revealing Finns’ Dad’s ring and put it in Finn’s hand. “Finn Hudson, marry me, please?”

 

“Oh my God Kurt, get up, get up,” Finn exclaimed. He wrapped his arms around Kurt, lifted him off the ground, and pressed kisses over every inch of his face. The crowd around them cheered and clapped.

 

“You never answered me,” Kurt said seriously when Finn put him back on the ground.  

 

Finn  picked up Kurt’s scarf, shaking it out and then wrapping it around Kurt’s neck again.  “Well it wasn’t a no,” he laughed.

 

“It wasn’t exactly a yes either,” Kurt countered, smiling.

 

“You’re so picky,” Finn mock huffed. “Yes, ok. Yes, I’ll marry you.” Finn pulled out the little box that had migrated into his coat pocket and opened it. He slipped off his glove and slid the ring onto his finger.

 

“Good,” Kurt replied, holding tightly to Finn’s hand.  "I hope you don't mind I took your Dad's ring from your box of stuff on your desk."

 

"I didn't even know it was missing," Finn confessed.

 

"I didn't take it until tonight," Kurt admitted.  "But I've been looking for it for a couple of weeks now."

 

"It's perfect," Finn said.  He leaned in and kissed Kurt.  “Wait, was all to this tonight, the re-creation and anniversary of our first date, was that all part of your proposal plan?”

 

“Hmmm,” Kurt nodded.

 

“In that case, since you did it and I said yes,  we can get out of here now? And go home?” Finn asked.

 

Kurt laughed. “Only if you’re going to warm me up.”

 

“You better believe it,” Finn said. He pulled Kurt to him and started  quickly walking away from the crowds in Time Square. “Isabelle is going to be so mad at you though.” Finn shook his head.

 

“Why?” Kurt asked. “What did I do?”

 

“You ruined the New Years proposal she helped me plan for tomorrow,” Finn said. “I went to her for advice on a ring and it kind of snowballed from there.”

 

Kurt stopped and looked up at Finn. “Really? _You were going to ask me_?”

 

Finn nodded. “The ring is sitting in it’s box in the toe of my old Cons in the closet.”

 

“I promise I’ll act surprised tomorrow,” Kurt said, smiling as he started walking again.

 

“Deal,” Finn said. He pulled down Kurt’s scarf and kissed the back of Kurt’s neck, on the left side, just under his hairline, a silvery sliver of a  scar left over from the accident.

 

000

 

_This time, This place_

_Misused, Mistakes_

_Too long, Too late_

_Who was I to make you wait_

_Just one chance_

_Just one breath_

_Just in case there's just one left_

_'Cause you know,_

_you know, you know_

_[...]_

_I wanted_

_I wanted you to stay_

_'Cause I needed_

_I need to hear you say_

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I forgive you_

_For being away for far too long_

_So keep breathing_

_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

  
**_~Far Away, Nickelback_ **


End file.
